I'm going to run away!!!!!

[Cheryl 2]

I was aroung a few years ago, things got better but now we have hit teenagehood! my son is 15 now taller than I am, I still outweigh him. He is adhd and odd his doctor is finally figuring out he is probably aspergers. He is refusing medications. refusing to go see his psychiatrist. Now he is refusing to do schoolwork We homeschool through ecot. I literally cannot get him to do anything I feel like a hostage in my own home. All he wants to do is play computer games. I even bought another computer for me to use. Everything is a fight. He got soo mad one day ( I was trying to get him to do schoolwork) he hit the wall put an indent in it and told me that it could have been my head. Its not only the temper that gets to me its the impulsivity, one day he came up behind me while I was on the computer, he wasn't mad he seemed playful, I thought he was going to hug me so my guard was down, he put me in a chokehold I literally thought I was going to die I felt my throat collapse Ihad a sore neck and was hoarse for at least2 weeks over that one!! He said he didn't know that you could kill someone that way!!!! Come on he's 15!!!!! His standard reply to everything is I don't care and I'm lazy and I'm never going to grow up and take on responsibility and you can't make me. Oh yeah and then there's the why should I do anything for you, you don't do anything for me reply. When he was 5 he kicked me in the face while I was driving down the road I almost passed out I parked the car almost got out went to a pay phone and called the cops to tell them where the car was with him in it and runaway, kinda wished I had right now. I am sooo sick of dealing with this kid. Calgon take me away!!!!!
Thanks for listening. I really do love him I just don't know how to help him. His behavior is forcing me to do things I don't want to do that's going to get him back in court system.

 

[oceans]

It sounds like he is dangerous, and probably needs a hospitalization. I don't know where you live, but it sounds like you need to take the proper steps to get him to the ER. It would benefit him to have an inpatient evaluation, live in some structure, go to therapy, and trial some medication that might help him. It sounds like it is past what you can handle at home.

Take care of yourself...it is not an easy road to travel.

 

[smallworld]

Cheryl, welcome back. I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

Sounds like you're dealing with more than ADHD/ODD. If he can't live with the house rules -- no computer before schoolwork, medications, therapy and no violence -- then I agree with Oceans that it's time to take more drastic steps toward getting an accurate diagnosis and putting the proper interventions into place. In addition to considering a hospitalization, is there a therapeutic school program through your school district that you might be able to get him into? Can your doctor (I hope you're working with an adolescent psychiatrist) help you with getting him into the right placement to make some progress?

What makes the doctor think he may have Aspergers? Is he on any medications currently? If so, what and have things gotten worse or better since the medications?

Again, sorry things are so tough right now.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Hi Cheryl,

I know that it seems we usually have more questions for new posters than suggestions. But, the support is here in droves!

I would ask the same - what makes the doctor think he has Aspergers? What medications is he refusing?

You need to keep safe. It may be time for more drastic intervention in the form of hospitalization should he continue with the unsafe behaviors.

Sharon

 

[busywend]

Welcome! Glad you found us.

You are being abused by your child. It happens alot here. It is very difficult because you can't runaway - even though we want to.

Time for a new psychiatrist, new evaluation, some medications, perhaps getting him into a school setting. No way would I homeschool a kid that is abusing me.

Something has to change.

 

[BusynMember]

I third getting a new evaluation, a new psychiatrist (with the MD) and new treatment. This kid needs a lot of help and, in my humble opinion, there's more going on than ADHD/ODD. I would also recommend a neuropsychologist testing. You don't have too many years left where you can really help him, and, if he doesn't get help, he could end up in jail--unfortunately, the justice system doesn't make allowances for mental illness...I send hugs and hope things improve.

 

[crazymama30]

I would look at alternative schooling options. You need a break from him, and homeschooling is not going to give you that. Not that he would go to school anyways, I suppose.

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree that home schooling is not working... for several reasons, one of which is that you need a break. I would remove his computer from the house completely. (When he's not around... can you take him to a friend's house or something?) My own computer is in my locked office. My difficult child can be belligerent, but also has some addicting behaviors (although it can be argued the computers are addicting by nature anyway) so I have to lock the door.
Do you have a spouse or boyfriend who can help? Can you get difficult child's attention for 30 sec. and tell him you need a mtng? (Maybe send him an email!)

I've gone so far as to throw the circuit breaker and fake a power outage to get my difficult child off the computer. These kids CAN be outsmarted!

 

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #3333FF"> sorry, cheryl, i don't mean to be rude but why in blue blazes haven't you called the cops when he attacks you?

hospitalization is definitely in order at this point....then Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? if it can be afforded/arrainged.

pack up his computer & lock it in the trunk of your car....& keep the keyes on you at all times.

you son has turned you into a victim & you have to get proactive & regain control. it won't be easy for sure, but you can't go on like this.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[Hound dog]

This somewhat reminds me of T around this age.

First thing, his computer would be gone, locked up where he can't possibly get to it. Nope, sorry son if you can't do your schoolwork and can't be repectful of my person you don't get to use a computer. No if, ands, or buts about it.

Second thing, get him back into the public system as fast as you can. Homeschooling is NOT working. Plus I'm sure the break would be welcome. IEP's and such can be put into place in public school and they can deal with school issues.

Third thing, difficult child hits you, call the cops. You don't have to take his physical abuse just because he's your kid.

You may want to consider a new evaluation with a neuropsychologist. You may want to think about hospitalization to try to get him more stable and get a working treatment plan into place.

Sounds like the computer might be the key to reaching your son. It certainly was for mine. It was his "carrot" for getting him to willingly comply both at home and school. I discovered our sd had a tech school that provided A+ computer certification courses. T was thrilled. We didn't know it would work. Heck I didn't think he'd last a month. But it wound up being the best thing we ever did for the boy. He entered the tech school at 16 all but failing, he graduated 2 yrs later on the honor roll and trained for a career in something he loved to do.

Tech school also used the computer as a carrot. Don't keep up with acedemics, don't get to stay in your computer classes. Plus the class sizes were small, teachers were geared to help their students succeed and bent over backward to make it happen.

Nice to meet a fellow Ecot parent. N is homeschooled thru Ecot. For her homeschool was the answer.
by the way, I've decided that at 15 all kids turn into monsters. lmao Even pcs do.

 

[Lothlorien]

First off, his violence toward you should be the big red flag! If he gets violent again, you need to call 911 and have an ambulance take him to the hospital. You should not fear for your life.

I hate these new laws that allow 15 and 16 years old total control that you are so limited as to what you can do medically, but I tell you what, if my kid wasn't compliant with their medications and couldn't keep it together without them, I think I would make an ultimatum that either he/she take the medications or they find alternative living arrangements.

 

[TerryJ2]

I thought he was 5 when she got kicked... am I missing part of a note?

 

[Lothlorien]

Terry, she said he (now 15) wrapped his hands around her throat and squeezed hard, choking her. She had a sore neck and throat for two weeks.

 

[Cheryl 2]

A few months ago he completely quit eating and dropped down to 105 pounds after I got his weight back up the dr. changed his medications to risperadal and an anti-depressant and of course his adderall. He was doing better, All of a sudden he quit taking his medications, will notsee the psychiatrist, do school, right now if I take the computer I'm afraid he will hurt me or damage propery ( we rent) I loved the risperadal while he was on it. He was not as paranoid (people are always looking at him) He was starting to interact more with people and starting to do other things. He is back to being almost totally withdrawn unless he is pestering me. If he doesn't have the computer he will pick on me or the cat and will not let up. I would like to have him back in school (alternative school) but I know he won't go that's one of the reasons I took him out of regular school. They also were letting him sleep all day in school so they wouldn't have to deal with him. At that time the school would not even consider alternative school for him. I think we will revisit this issue, I'm mainly looking for ideas.

 

[Mikey]

Might be a slight chance, but is there a common medication (or type of medication) that was in his system during these outbursts? I know from personal experience that neither I nor my son can take Adderall. It makes us both very nervous and violent. In fact, the only ADD medication my son can take without the anger/violent side effects is Focalin.

Not saying it's the Adderall, but it could be a similar problem with a different medication. I've also read accounts here on CD of certain food allergies that can trigger extreme (and sometimes violent) mood changes. Maybe something there to look for as well?

But ditto what everyone else said - if you're in pysical danger, that needs to be addressed first. No matter how much you may love him and want to help him, you won't be able to do him any good if he puts you in the hospital (or worse). Take care of yourself so you're able to take care of him - even if that means lockup in a psychiatric ward or even a jail cell for a time.

Just a thought.

Mikey

 

[Cheryl 2]

the intensity of the problems we are having now are the results of no medications. when he's on medications the problems are still there but easier to manage with-o so much drama, I'm able to give a choice time limit or negotiate to get him to cooperate. Now nothing works.

 

[smallworld]

So it sounds as if you have to find a way to make him medication compliant. Do his docs have any ideas to accomplish this?