I'm in tears about food

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Oct 18, 2009.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Such a stupid thing to get so upset about.

    The room parent for Tigger's Halloween Party (from the reg ed class he goes to lunch with) just e-mailed me the food list for the party AND made a point of telling me that they were avoiding allergies for two of the kids in the room. Tigger is allergic to everything on the list. EVERYTHING. Why does he never count as much as the other children???

    And in Eeyore's history class they are studying China and all kids need to bring in $5 because they are having Chinese food next week. I've emailed his teacher because the restaurant they are ordering from can make accommodations for his allergies but I need to know what dishes they are ordering and I need him to agree to order them with modifications. I'm hoping this teacher will comply. Otherwise, I will need to have Eeyore skip the class because he may or may not eat the food but he will be very upset at being different.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would be in tears too. As it is I am wicked angry! Our kids get the short end of the stick TOO often.

    Can you send a note to the teacher (who I assume has a list of Tigger's allergies and tell her it needs to be changed to accommodate ALL allergies? Is it possible she does not know his allergies?

    On some level it is nice to be able to have food at school parties and to help with lessons, it still has to be done to include our kids and NOT just the other kids.

    sending lots of hugs for your and the family!
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Forget the list. I'd get the teacher on the phone asap and inform her of Tigger's allergies and that he's allergic to every food on the current list. That list needs to be changed to accomodate him just as much as it needed to be changed for the other kids with allergies. *snarl*

    I don't think I'd be in tears, I'd be hoppin' mad! If teacher doesn't cooperate.....get thee to the principal. If you're gonna do it for one kid, then you do it for them all.

    Same with Eeorye. Get his teacher on the phone, let her know the situation so a solution can be found. If you know what's on the menu, arrangements can be made for him.

    Just stupid for them to be making special arrangements for some kids but not all who need it. I'd be having a major fit.

  4. ML

    ML Guest

    As a parent volunteer for this year's halloween party as well as a highly allergic child, I empathize. There are lots of goodies that can be made to accommodate everyone, it just takes a willingness and some creativity. I encourage you to fight for inclusion!
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I agree! It really hoovers...
    I do the food for N's Friday Switcha-roo (It is a food tasting switch up for the Kindergarten)

    I have a full list each time I do it, there is cucumber, strawberries, whey, dye's... not naming the "normal" things! LOL

    If it is hard for me to find something for the theme of the week for the whole class, I make sure and have something special for the kids with allergies.
    I will make something if nothing else.

    Last year in K's class I made something special for every party for the one kid who had severe allergies.
    What our School asks is that if you want to have special things just in case for your kid to have on hand then they can give them to your child in these situations.
    So many people still think a parent is "making these things up" if it isn't just peanuts and milk.

    But I have heard parents grumble about it, just makes me want to smack them!
    I am lucky my kids seem to have no allergies. Children that do have allergies should get to enjoy all of the class events regardless of any idiots views.
    I would be P.O.'d!

    If they put up a stink I would keep fighting but send in very special treat only for him for the Halloween party! ;)
  6. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    It wouldn't be so bad if it was once or twice a year...but the parties are never ending around here. You have my sympathy.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Well, I spoke with my sister who is both good friends with this room mom and the pres of the PTA. She was shocked that they were serving stuff Tig couldn't have. Then as we went through the list, she thinks she figured out what happened. RoomMom knows Tig is on the gluten-free, casein-free diet but doesn't know about the problems with apples and chemicals. My sister was surprised to find out the caramel contains caesin so she doubts the RoomMom knows.

    Tigger is a 5th grader in a self-contained classroom of 2 kids. Due to his late start, he is not able to do gym/art/music with a 5th grade class so we assigned him to a 4th grade class (last year as a 4th grader he was assigned a 6th grade class as he did so well with the more patient older kids). So he isn't officially "in" this homeroom but he does all his mainstream activities with them (lunch/recess/gym/art/music/parties). I think this will be his first time actually entering their classroom as mostly he sees them in the other rooms. His regular classroom is very aware of his food restrictions and they do a good job maintaining them.

    Our school district only allows 3 parties per year and they can only last 60 minutes including clean-up. This is the first one. Any other reward-type parties are run by staff and as such they don't screw up the allergens. These 3 parties are run by parents. I've sent an e-mail to RoomMom asking her to make the last two 'no food' parties. The problem is when you cross out everything that all 3 allergic kids can't have, there is very little left to serve.

    I trust Tigger's teacher to ensure that he doesn't get served something he shouldn't have (heck, I trust Tigger to turn it down as he hates the way he feels when he gets something he shouldn't have). But why should a 10-year old be put in that position.
  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Our school now has allergy classrooms for students with serious food allergies in each grade. The school provides all food except lunch through out the year to ensure the safety of the affected children Parents are notified at the end of the previous year (or in July for kindergarteners) so they have plenty of time to facilitate a transfer if the parents aren't comfortable with complying. They provide snacks each day and do monthly birthday parties. The teachers feel more confident about student safety because they are in control of what the students are exposed to in their classrooms AND the allergic students aren't treated any different than the other students.
  9. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I have never tried to get the room parents to accomodate my children's girlfriend/CF diet. I might be a little irritated if they knew about it and figured out something for other allergic kids, but the whole gluten issue is something you need to know in detail about. I don't really trust a room parent to know enough to get it right. The last thing I want is for difficult child 1 to come home in difficult child mode or difficult child 2 to come home with a stomach ache.

    Instead, I either send my kid with some food that they like that looks really good (and normal!) or I make something and send it for the whole class. girlfriend/CF brownies are usually acceptable to everyone. Before I had to be girlfriend, I compared them side by side with some regular brownies and the girlfriend ones were better. Sometimes I send extra food for her friends because they actually like her girlfriend/CF treats.

    difficult child 1 is now old enough that she just goes without food instead of looking different. Then she gets something after school. I think in middle school they weren't just sitting there being served food but were mingling so it wasn't obvious that she wasn't eating.

    As far as the restaurant, I would probably find out what would work for my child and suggest that to the teacher. Then maybe you can ask if you could be the one to order it? If not, I would get some from that restaurant for my own child and take it myself or have it delivered.

    I don't expect parents to accomodate my children, but I am always pleasantly surprised and touched when they do. Our children do eat differently from everyone else and it is something they will have to learn to deal with their whole life (at least for my kids). The less of a big deal it is, the better.

    Do you avoid all food additives strictly? One year I had cupcake holders shaped like ghosts and I made brownies and covered them with marshmallow creme and put faces on them. I'm sure that marshmallow creme has something in it that is best avoided, though. There is also dairy free/mostly soy free whipping cream you can find if you are interested in that.
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Thanks all.

    Hope - I do prefer to provide all food for my kids. However, we are mandated to pay a fee that covers the food for these parties and I figure if I have to pay for it, they have to at least try to provide safe food. It isn't so much as insisting that they follow it but when they insist on making a big deal about it, then they need to follow through and do it right.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    And to top it off, husband just told me that a bunch of Piglet's teammates had a sleepover last night and he got the impression that she wasn't invited because of the 'diet'.

    I think it's something more because at that start of the season she texted a lot with some of the girls and now almost nothing. She mostly hangs with 3 girls from the neighborhood (she's at the movies with 1 of them now).
  12. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    They just don't allow non-school santioned parties anymore in my school district.
  13. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    Oh how I wish our district didn't allow parties, too. Bug hates to be different, so even when I send special food for him he doesn't want it. It would be so much easier if schools didn't have parties or if they didn't allow food. Last year, in K, Bug's class had a party nearly every month.
    We were supposed to pay a fee each time, but I just stopped paying. The room mother was a pill and was constantly trying to cause problems for Bug and she never made any effort to accomodate him, so I gave up.

    By the way, an aquaintance of mine recently complained that at her son's school any child who brings peanut butter for lunch has to sit at a special table because of other children with peanut allergies. I say great to that, but this mom was seriously annoyed. I used to call this person a friend, but it is that type of attitude that has made me reduce her to 'aquaintance.'
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree if they are accommodating one they should be accommodating all. They could always do fresh fruit. I've had parents do fresh fruit kabobs before.