No, not J's... Mine. This morning he was very rude and disrespectful and it got my goat, as we say - not because he is talking to ME but because you do not speak to anyone like that and... I ended up giving him two taps on the back of the head, not really hard and more symbolic than anything else, but as always I felt wretched and regretful afterwards. It just doesn't work... might be a moment's relief or transmitting a message to him but it does more harm than good. For me I think this comes more down to a practice of catching these habitual impulses in the mind and staying with them rather than acting out on them immediately... obviously this is hard! Bringing up a difficult child gives ample and frequent practice, needless to say. I feel all of our success and failure depends on keeping things calm, stable and reasonably predictable. I've realised that, unfortunately I dare say, he is not a child who does well with free, unstructured time. I therefore have to structure it as much as possible... and rules for most things, pre-established. Like 3 hours maximum television watching at the weekend, and then we don't have a scene like Sunday where he wants to watch more and I am not in agreement.... I do actually feel like I could organise life so that he has a minimum amount of meltdowns and scenes, but it is quite a lot of work and not very "natural". I like a loose routine but not rigid. But I can see that I almost have to sit down and plan weekends ahead of time... and keep on working on my impulse control.