in need of major help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sunnyalmond, May 28, 2012.

  1. sunnyalmond

    sunnyalmond New Member

    This is my first post so forgive me for not knowing as much as others.

    I have a 4 year old son who is having trouble with preschool and I have having a hard time with him. He has been removed from two daycare/preschool centers for being overly agressive and that's more or less where the trouble started.

    Here's a little background on my DS. He's an only child, I am a single mother his father is in the military but over all isn't involved in my sons life. My DS is very close to myself and his nana. He has trouble with loud buzzing noises and he cries for hours knowing he's going to get a haircut. He's still mouthing objects and is very impulsive he has poor eye concact and needs to be in your face at all times his spech is beyond that of a typical 4 year old. He's very smart but can not sit still. His hearing is perfect as well as his sight. He isn't aggressive unless provoked but sometimes finds humor in others pain. He has not hurt anyone or any animals and I don't think he will ever be a threat to him self or others. He's a very sweet boy. When he aks question he has to ask about 5 or 6 different ways, I'm not sure if he doesn't understand or wants to make sure he is getting the right answer. For example he will ask
    mommy can I have your juice
    me:yes you can
    him: so I can have it
    me: yes
    him: your going to share your juice with me
    me: yes
    him: its all mine
    me yes
    him: no one elses
    me: yes its yours
    him: so this is my juice
    me yes DS its yours
    him: I can have your juice...
    and it will go on like that until I tell him in a loud voice its his. And its not just juice it anything... he is also very very clingy he can't go to sleep unless he has a death grip on my arm or is touching me in some way. He doesn't like to brush his teeth or hair. Can't seem to understand if you spill something clean it up. He loves baths and to be nude. Doesn't dislike clothes but is usually in his undies most of the time (at home) no matter what the season, but always wants to be under a blanket. I know most of you aren't doctors but I'm lost I took him to see a psychiatrist and we tried ritalin that was a disaster he's on a waiting list to see a developmental pediatrician he's seen a neurlogist and we are waiting on a mri to rule out a teploral lobe tumor (he has history or begin tumors) i have to tell him the same thing over and over to get him to listen.

    Ive tried taking away stuff (toys and such) ive tried behavior charts, time out, redirection the only thing that seems to work is yelling and having to firmly grab him and force him to look at me i'll be 2 inches from his face and tell him to stop or what not... i HATE doing that i feel its mean and he's only listening because hes scared not because he's learned from his mistakes. Im so lost. If anyone has answers or can point me in thr right direction so i can start to help him until we can see the dev pediatrician that would be great!
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome! So, yes, you got it - we're not doctors, and don't diagnose, but can certainly give you an idea of what direction to go in or what to look for.

    I will say with 100% certainty that he's got sensory issues going on. You can get that evaluated through an Occupational Therapist (OT) (occupational therapist)

    Poor eye contact, impulsive, lack of respect of personal space, advanced language - to me these equal Autism Spectrum.

    Love that conversation! I've had many similar ones. You need to learn to stop it sooner. You don't need to use a loud voice or get angry, but tell him will will not answer anymore and physically move the juice (or whatever is going on) towards him so he actually sees the answer as well.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am VERY glad you found us. You will find the parents on this board very supportive and maybe (LOL) somewhat helpful.

    It's great that you have an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. Hopefully they are good and thorough. One other recommendation I have is to have a THOROUGH evaluation done by an Occupational Therapist. It sounds like he has a lot of sensory things going on and they are the ones to figure them out. You might also check into having him check for auditory processing issues. With the repeated questions, it could be that he's not processing what he hears properly OR it could be that he is just that unsure of things. Auditory processing can be tested and would rule it in or out.

    Since he's 4, you could also request that your school district do a thorough evaluation for Early Intervention services. That request needs to be sent in writing to the Director of Special Education in your district. We HIGHLY recommend you send it Certified Mail with Return Receipt Requested. That starts a federal timeline for them to get the evaluations done. The more info you have before he actually starts school, the better the services could be to make him successful once he gets there.

    Just out of curiosity, are there any mental health issues on either side of HIS family tree? Include things that might be suspected but not diagnosed as well as those that are confirmed by professionals.

    Again, you have come to the right place. Welcome to our little "family".
  4. sunnyalmond

    sunnyalmond New Member

    Thank you for your input... he's on a wait list for Occupational Therapist (OT) and i was leaning towards Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified bu i wanted some one else's opinion... DM is always saying "oh hunny he's just 4" but as a mom you know when something isnt "right" do you know of anything I could start doing now, while we are waiting for his name to move up the list? Im going nuts with a 4yo two inches from my face all the time... although i love looking into he's beautiful brown eyes it makes it hard to read my book lol :rolleyes:
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    You could look into sensory things. My difficult child 1 is in to spinning, swinging, jumping, squishy things, chewing things. There are many Autism shops online. Personally, I use There are things for most any sensory issue. Like I said, there are MANY places.

    Typical punishments don't work very well with kids on the spectrum. They need it to make sense to them so taking a toy away because they threw their food (just an example) does not make any sense at all to them. There is no correlation between the two.

    I also agree with Keista. With the incessant questions, you need to work with him on a cue that "this is my final answer".
  6. sunnyalmond

    sunnyalmond New Member

    We did an evaluation through the SD but they werent much help... im with in a failing district and you can completely tell they are failing... thank GOD for open enrollment. My DS father had a diagnosis of ADHD but his mom wasnt 100% that was the issue... but it wasnt further explored. But the SD said what i already knew... he's super smart (gifted) but has behavior issues... they offered half day preschool but the schedule of their preschool didnt fit into my work schedule. So he's at a small preschool/daycare that works with him. They have spec-ed kiddos going there so they are more equipted to work with him and his uniqueness...

    He is going to see his psychiatric MD soon and i am going to see if i can get him sched for neuropsychologist testing (good thing i work in the psychiatric dept) and get him started on the right path.

    Im so very glad i found this family it makes life a little easier knowing im not alone
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Sounds like you're doing all the right things. Once you have the dev. psychiatric and/or neuropsychologist and the Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluations done, go back to the school district and TELL them what was found and demand services. These will also carry over to any school you choose later. The key is getting the right diagnosis and finding all his issues so you can argue with them! That's what I had to do. Now we don't go to that school anymore but I had a darn good IEP before we left. The more outside ammunition, the better.

    I'm glad you're here too. You are not alone and there is a ton of support here. We are so diverse that there are many different perspectives as well. If you suspect he's on the spectrum, stimulants will not help him. Our motto is "ALWAYS trust your mommy gut regardless of what anyone else says". We were given it for a reason and it is seldom wrong. You're doing a great job and covering all the bases.
  8. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Welcome! You son sounds a bit like mine. Asking the same question a million time, oh gosh it would drive anyone nuts! Taing stuff away does not work for mine either. It actually makes things worse because than he obsesses about getting his stuff back. I too sometimes have to just yell to stop him on his track, but it is not as bad as it used to be (we used to have about 10 meltdown a day).
    The key is to find the underlying reason for the behavior. It takes time but it is doable. I would to suggest you explore sensory issues. Explore the use of visual stategies to help him understand what you are saying (heps my son A LOT).
    To talk face to face at his level is also VERY good (works for V as well), but you'll have to learn to do in a conscious way without resorting to raising your voice. And try to give him explaination as of why you have a special request. I often say I have to explain the obvious to V and he is NOT stupid. He just does not necessarly take other's perspective very good.
    Again, welcome.
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    He sounds like he has sensory problems to me as well. My Duckie used to do the same thing with the clarifying questions... it was maddening.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I agree (will apologize, my spacebar is not my post may seem weird)

    We dont diagnose here, but he doesn't sound Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified just mho, his communication style, sensory issues, behaviors, eye contact, not responding to traditional parenting methods....sound pretty Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) to me. I bet if you get a g ood evaluation, where they LISTEN to you, you will get more help than Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified can give you (that diagnosis is going out anyway, the new diagnostic manual is changing from the whole Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) thing with Autism, Aspergers, etc.... to just straight Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)....looking at it as a spectrum from mild to severe). In your case I hope that will be a good thing. He sounds very bright as many kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) are, and yet he has communication issues and sensory issues that are really impacting his ability to get along socially. My son had a brain mass and also on the spectrum. WHere it comes from is not as important as finding good therapy to work the way he thinks and processes information and it sounds like you are fighting the good fight looking for help. When was the school evaluation? Some districts are great working with autism and others are lousy. I am so sorry yours missed it. Finding a diagnosis (even if it is not autism) before school sounds like it will b e a huge benefit to you since they seem not to dig deep enough. You can present his information to them.

    Make sure to bring notes about those kinds o f conversations, lists of sensory challenges, any social issues (with you, other family, peers, strangers, etc....) any behaviors to theeval. It i s so sad when people say kids are just behaving badly when your gut tells you there is something going on th at they really needh elp with. It implies that they are doing it to just manipulate (in the neg. sense of the world...everyone does what they do to manipulate their environment, but some kids just dont know how to do that in a positive way to get their needs met). He is probably just as frustrated as those around him who dont understand.

    When I get into those circular discussions with my son I started (very early on) saying "all done talking". In an even happy tone, no upset. When he was small I signed finish while saying that. (look up American sign language online where they have little movies to show you how) and these kinds of visual cues can help a child who gets stuck in their words stop. My son is 15 now and we still have to use some visual communication to help guide him.

    I also carry soft earplugs with me where ever I go. Other moms have kleenex, lol....I carry earplugs and things to mouth. The Occupational Therapist (OT) can help you find alternatives to things for him to chew on that are not too socially inappropriate if he needs them out of thehouse or school/daycare. Some people buy noise cancelling earphones and hook them to cheap mp3 players OR you can just get noise protection ear phones if he doesn't like things IN his ears.

    Many of us also find that for our kids who get upset easily, if we have a visual schedule, showing simple graphics or pictures by the help organize the day (get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, get in car, school, home, etc....) then you show the picture of what is next maybe a half hour or 15 minutes before the next activity. It can just help with overall calming so other things can be worked on. Each activity on a schedule may need their own task board or list....telling the steps to do things. Again, not because they can't. It just helps SOME kids be more organized and you dont have to do as much talking to direct them...which can be frustrating to some kids.

    Just ideas, they may not suit your situation at all. Lots of us here have kids who are kind of mixed bags, it is nice to h ave a diagnosis ( sad yes, but really nice to get the help that comes with a broader diagnosis). If you have specific situations I bet there will be more than one parent here with kids who have different kinds of disorders or issues and we can throw out ideas for you so you can see what might work for your son. I love that here, because books can be good but how to do i t in real life (and have it be reasonable, something real humans can do, lol) is so helpful....I love the input I get on this board!

    Anyway, welcome. No matter what they decide the diagnosis is, if anything, he is your precious son and we all understand how special and challenging that is. We will be here to get to know you and hope you can share and encourage us too! You have done this already for four years, I am sure you have some pretty good tricks up your sleeve already, lol.
  11. sunnyalmond

    sunnyalmond New Member

    Again thank you all so much for your input... i really feel 100% better knowing im not alone. Last night after reading some info about PDDnos and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and how to provide better structure and discipline things went a lot smoother at bed time... not 100% but it takes time.

    Im going to talk to his psychMD about everything and see what he says... he listens and im lucky to have the work connections I do. It makes it easier to squeeze into an appointment.

    Although i'd rather nothing is wrong with my difficult child, a diagnosis would make life easier knowing what to do and what to expect (maybe) in finding a diagnosis i would know how to better help my son. I dont care what the diagnosis is just how to help him succeed in life. I dont want him falling through the cracks.

    Im going to start a journal of his behavior today so i can show the doctors what he's doing. And i going to start reading up on different diagnosis more so for parenting tips... one can never have too much info on parenting and the little ones. I hope to get a diagnosis soon so i am able to give/get him what he needs. Again thank you! I'll keep you posted
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

  13. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    An address to asl videos is

    You've gotten great advice. Welcome to the board.