In three hours I will know if Difficult Child is using...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ksm, May 8, 2017.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I am afraid that my 16-year-old is using again. The lying has increased...the coming home accidentally late..never her fault late...the not feeling well...late getting to school... Yep, the signs are there.

    I actually called her probation officer and left a message today. Then, he called back and said a teacher called him as someone overheard her talking about using over the weekend. So, when I pick her up, we are to stop for a UA at his office.

    I noticed a pattern of her being sick from school on days we needed to see him and then he would reschedule for later in the week or the following week. All her test have come back negative for drugs but most drugs, except for marijuana, leave your body in three days. And she's smart enough to know this.

    I wouldn't be happy. If she smoked weed, but I'm more concerned about meth or opioids.

    This weekend I caught her lying about who she was with on Friday and Saturday. On Sunday she was supposed to go to a church youth group activity from 6 to 8. I knew it was risky to let her use the car but I was kind of setting a trap. (She has only used the car 3 times this year, for churc related activities) She has GPS on her phone and promised she would have it on when she went to this activity. Sure enough she called at 6:30 saying she couldn't find the group at the park and she evidently went to the wrong park. Then I told her the correct location and expected her to go there. Then she text that she felt sick and I told her to go straight home.

    What she actually did was leave the house and go to a boyfriends house. She never planned to go to the church activity. We were at a friends house having dinner so I was trusting her to go where she had planned to go. But what she didn't know was that our car now his GPS. So I can tell where she went and when.

    She was actually smart enough to turn off GPS on her phone, when she went to the boys house. And then later come home, turn on GPS, drive from here to the church to the wrong park then to the right park and then back home. But the car GPS shows the whole story.

    I am so done. I don't know for sure she will test positive but I believe so. I don't know if she will go back into juvenile detention or be taken from the home but at this time I am okay with what happens. As long as something happens.

    Two weekends ago she was about three hours late getting home and when she came home she had a big sob story of her phone dying, her friend had cut her wrists, she went with the girl and her parents to the emergency room, then back with the parents to get things for an overnight stay, and then the parents dropped her off at our house.

    Then she cried and said what a trigger it was to see her friends cut arms because she has been a cutter in the past herself and this triggered a whole bunch of emotions with her. My husband and I sat in her room for hours that night while she cried and hugged us and put on a big show. I spent the night in her bed to make sure she was safe. And I have now figured out that was all a lie.

    I can't imagine how someone can be this manipulative at 16 years old. I just don't get it.

  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Sorry that it sounds like she may have taken a step back.

    I would say take everything "extra" away from her. Car, phone, etc. Looking back I wish we had been more strict and not so worried about getting our son "mad" or "upset".

    I hope that is not the case but usually our instinct is correct.

    Stay strong.
  3. When using substances, first thing they do is lie... It won't stop until she quits... It's every parent's nightmare having to deal with this sort of thing. You do not have TRUST. Once you lose this, it is very hard to gain it back.
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    I'm here with you, hoping that she is clean of drugs.

    Fingers and toes crossed!

  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Yes, she was positive for meth...I don't think they did a UA...he told her that if she says she's clean, but comes back dirty, she would be in more trouble, so I guessed she fessed up to using meth. she's under house arrest. Lovely. She has been sick yesterday and today. Probably from drug use.

    We go back in a week. Sigh... Nothing. Nothing happens. Ever.

  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So sorry to hear this but let her feel the consequences. That is so dangerous.
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I wish he had followed thru with the test. I bet he would have found other things too.

    She said she did it once on Thursday last week. I believe she had been doing it for a couple of weeks. That's when her behavior escalated.

    She s still lying... Maybe in a couple days, when she has come off the drugs, she will be easier to be around. On Wednesday, the social worker comes over.

    She is so smart and charming, that people usually believe her.

    Hoping they can see what I see...

  8. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Sick today...didn't go to school. SW says to make her go to school... How does one do that? She doesn't get her phone unless she goes to school.

    She has a low grade fever, nausea/vomiting, aches/pains. But won't admit she's in withdrawals. Because...."I only did a little bit once, last Thursday."

  9. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Sorry to hear you are going through this. Al-Anon might prove useful to you in detaching from your daughter's choices. You may wish to consider having her evaluated for an inpatient or partial/outpatient program if you suspect or know for a fact she is using illegal drugs.

    If she does not go to school you can be held liable as the parent for truancy, which would involve fines and court dates for you and for her. Same thing goes for anything she may do while under the influence, for example an auto accident. It behooves you to protect yourself and your family from any collateral damage caused by her choices, while at the same time, beginning to detach with love in order to protect your own sanity.

    Best of luck.
  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    If you cannot get your daughter to comply with what the social worker is requesting, that you get her to school, I would email her so that you have a legal record, again requesting their assistance. Because what the social worker is doing is telling you on the record that you are responsible for your daughter. You are responsible for her safety (and that she is using drugs.) You are responsible for anything that happens to her. You are responsible for anything that happens to anybody else through her misconduct. That is what the social worker is telling you. Whether or not any parent or any person could control the situation, she is telling you that you must.

    The only thing I can see for you to do is to write her back and tell her that this is not a situation that you can control without their assistance. I would in this letter put every single thing you have done and the dates. I would put in writing all of the other times you have requested their help, the dates and the outcome of your requests. And again, in writing, I would demand their help: up to and including out of home placement.

    You might require a family attorney to represent you. I am sorry this keeps on this way.
  11. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Also, substance abuse is a medical issue and can qualify a child for a 504 plan with the proper documentation. She would likely need to be hospitalized and enrolled in a substance abuse program, or have done so in the past year, for this to be a possibility. Does she have an IEP?
  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I agree with everything culturanta writes. Getting her on an IEP places responsibility jointly on the school. They will be legally responsible to get her to school, I think. Her non-attendance due to "health" would reflect upon the inadequacy of their plan.
  13. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    So sorry
  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I have to say I agree with the others. I was a registrar at a high school for many years and when a parent requested an IEP they moved heaven and earth to make it happen. Your daughter may not quality for an IEP BUT it will get the ball rolling to get her some type of help.

    Let's face it, your a grandmother and you have two teenage girls that are not remotely EASY. You need all the help you can get!

    Good luck.
  15. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I agree get her a 504 or IEP. She sounds like she is in what point do they not put her in residential rehab? Meth is so dangerous, and she is so young.

    prayers..your a strong woman!
  16. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    She is in way over her head. The juvenile system is a last chance system for young offenders. Their goal is to try to turn things around before the kid reaches the age of no return. They tend to give to many chances to straighten up. It works for some and others not so much.