Intro - I have found my tribe!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BeachPeace, Jun 19, 2010.

  1. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    I sit here like many before me with such a heavy heart. I discovered this forum the other night after a really bad day…..I was able to sleep just knowing that I would come back here and read and learn. After a few rough days I have been trying to find the time to post an intro.

    Due to the issues at hand I will use an alias like many others here so I can feel free (such a rare thing) to be completely honest.

    My name is Beach. I am in my mid 30s. I have been married to husband for nearly 13 years. We have 2 children. I jumped off a very successful career path in healthcare administration to become a stay at home mom a few months ago. I am not sure I have resolved my feelings about that, but what do you do when no one else can keep your child?

    Indigo, our bio difficult child daughter who is 10, was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified before age 2. She is now just a regular Aspie (is there such a thing?) with sensory and social issues. She has been on a variety of medications in the past and most recently after a bad reaction to a combo of Straterra and Intuniv – she is off all medications at this point. She loves animals (people….not so much) Most of the time she functions very well and we manage just fine. But sometimes she is so cold (just unemotional) that it makes me want to cry.

    Then there is Blue, our adopted difficult child son who is 7. He is very loving. He is intellectually disabled and functions developmentally at about a 36 month age level. He also has diagnoses of PTSD, Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), Suspected Head injury as an infant, Anxiety disorder and unspecified seizure disorder. We adopted him from the Foster Care Program at age 5. He rages and has recently become so difficult …..I plan my days trying to keep him calm. He is currently on Depakote, Abilify, and Risperdal. He is much stronger than he realizes and is becoming more aggressive. We had labs done Friday to check CBC, Depakote level and Liver Function. Hopefully, his neurologist will give us some direction next week as to any medication change that may be indicated right now. My current problems involve the fact that he is covered by the State Medicaid program and that severely limits our access to healthcare options.

    I thank you for reading this intro so far and look forward to joining your community. I have already read some great words of wisdom here. I was beginning to feel so very, very alone… is hard to live with the bruises caused by your child, or worry about your children hurting each other, or worry about how you will restrain your child in another year, month, or 5 more pounds… and somewhere in the middle of all that I am supposed to keep it together enough to do laundry and make dinner?

  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Beach, welcome!
    So sorry you had to find us.
    Here's a tall lemonade with a straw. :D

    Sounds like your son is the most problematic of the two. (Believe it or not, your daughter does have emotions ... how to express them must be taught, just like a subject at school.)

    I know all too well about the rages and disruption. I do not know much about Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), just that it is difficult.
    Wow, you took on a lot with-him. I cannot imagine a mom who went through her pregnancy drinking that much, and then either dropping him or beating him afterward. Makes me sick to my stomach.
    Still, he is who he is, and despite all the good your are doing, and how lucky he is to have you, you have every right to feel resentful and trapped.
    It comes with-the territory. Some days are better than others.

    If you can find any sort of pattern to his rages ... lack of sleep, change in routine, etc, it will be very helpful for all of you. Then you can predict them and plan around them, and maybe someday, teach him a higher level of tolerance.
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Yup! You are not alone! Welcome to the tribe. I used to think I was the only one with difficult children, then I found this group of understanding and caring parents, I've learned how to stop holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.
  4. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    Welcome, Beach. I recently decided not to re-enter the job market because of difficult child's reissues. I, too, am still struggling with that decision. It definitely is the right choice for our family, but I'm not sure its the best choice for me.

    You have a lot going on. Visit us often.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome-so glad you found us but sorry you needed to. You are definitely not alone and have found a soft place to land where you will find much support. Even though my son has not been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), I believe he fits somewhere on that spectrum as his birth mom used drugs which means she was probably drinking as well.
    It's very important (and I know this is much easier said than done) that you find some "me" time to destress! For me, it's reading, exercise. Some nights it's just vegging in front of the tv and munching on popcorn with husband after difficult child has fallen asleep.
  6. jal

    jal Member

    Welcome Beach. This is a great place to be honest, vent and accept support. Your comment about the bruises, rages and having a parent be home because the child can't function in and out of the home setting hits soooo close to home. More than you know. With the right supports things can get better. This is a great place to start.
  7. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    Thank you all for the warm welcome!
    I was excited to check back in here today - that sounds strange but I feel like I have found a window out of my isolation.
    I have to admit I am surprised to see so many adoptive parents here....hmm I don't know why that surprised me really.

    WipedOut - Blue's neurologist mentioned that he wishes there was a better way to classify children with fetal drug use. Blue's bio mom was a meth user as well as using alcohol.

    Again, I am just so glad to be here.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Adding my welcome, Beach!
  9. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Welcome Beach ! This site has been my saving grace .... I have been completely open and honest about my difficult child and it felt like a ton of bricks was lifted off me. It is a wonderful resource. Take care and I am glad being part of this group is helping you in your journey !