Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 5Angels, Oct 7, 2009.

  1. 5Angels

    5Angels New Member

    I stumbled across this site two days ago and feel like I have found a place where I am NOT alone, for the first time.
    Please forgive me as I ramble on for a minute about my family. I am a stay at home mom to 5 incredible children and the wife to an amazing husband. Each of our children was adopted. The three older children were each adopted as infants. In July, we adopted half-brothers who are ages 2 & 1. Our oldest daughter is 11. She was diagnosed a year ago with bipolar disorder and takes Lamotrigine. Our 6 year old daughter is my comic relief and keeps me sane on most days. Our 5 year old son was born with a congenital heart defect with will require continuing surgeries throughout his life. At the age of 2, he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and I am now concerned that he may be showing early signs of schizophrenia. His birth father also has schizophrenia. Our two new little boys were both born addicted to meth and are quite developmentally delayed.
    On a daily basis, I am the person that you always see smiling and rarely complaining about anything. I am amazed and continually grateful to be a mom to these precious children. In the quiet of my own home, I battle depression and constant worry over the safety and health of my children.
    I hope to find a place where I can share my thoughts without feeling judged and find support from others who understand.
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well Sister - You've come to the right place.

    Welcome to you and all the lovely angels in your home. Who shall now be known as "our kids". ;) Your writing certainly speaks to the love that you have for your kids. You're quite a Mom. Ah and you battle depression? (hands membership card) Welcome to the club, (hands paddle) welcome to the boat, (hands apple) welcome to the orchard....I mean I could go on but you get my point. There is a significant amount of daily depression living with our children and the wear and tear it puts on our relationships. The beauty of our collective soul here is that we're not defined by anything outlining like race, religion, sex, creed, background, - we're defined by the love and patience and suggestions for parenting we share for our children and ourselves.

    It's a soft place to land when you are battleweary. IT's a GREAT place to come when the rest of the world looks at you like you have children with three eyes and 4 ears. It's an awesome place to come when you look at your own kids and think they have three eyes and 4 years - because no one will disagree - we get it. (they don't really - but we get it;))

    So welcome to the family - I'm glad you found us. In time you'll figure out there's a tremendous amount of information here, and a lot of caring and if we can a bit of pithy humor...Okay - depending on where you go - could be a lot of humor - either overlook it or join in.....we're relatively harmless and if you've raised a child past the teen years and retained a portion of your sanity, still have humor? I think you should get an SUV or a house on a hill or a donkey - but until you know me - that won't make sense. :alien:

    Anyway - WELCOME - (sends hugs) (asks for apple back for her imaginary donkey)

    Hugs - Star:tongue:
  3. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    Welcome...I'm fairly new here, too, and I look forward to my few minutes online every afternoon so I can check in. I feel much more together knowing that there are others out there who truly get it.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Yeah, what Star said. Watch out too....her donkey bites. But...if you arm yourself with one of Abbey's sporks, you'll be fine. Oh, um.....yeah, remember that humor Star mentioned? Stick around and you'll learn alllllll about sporks and donkeys.


    And chickens......the odd snake or two......bears rambling through yards.......the occasional opossum.....all sorts of things and critters.

    We're harmless...honest! LOL :crazy2:

    Seriously though, welcome. This really is a soft place to land. We've become one big family here and the support and information you'll get here is beyond compare. It sounds like you've got quite the handful at home but guess what? We understand. We get it. There are enough of us here that even though there may not be someone else in EXACTLY the same situation, there's someone who has similar things going on. Or one person knows what you're going through with one of your kidlets, someone else knows about another kidlet and yet someone else knows about the rest.

    Look around, read posts, take what you need and leave the rest. And fair won't be long till you start twitching if you don't or can't come here often. LOL DammitJanet stayed with one of her son's for about a week recently. No internet access (ahem, among other things) nearly drove her nuts(er) and she started calling everyone she had numbers for to vent and to get updates from the board. LOL
  5. hoobear

    hoobear Guest

    Welcome, I'm new too. There is a lot of knowledge here. You have landed in the right place. I have a 10 year old son who has both bi-polar and asperger's. We'll get through this journey together, all of us.

  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome. Sometimes I feel like (one of the) resident expert(s) on Asperger's & autism.

    A point I will briefly make - always be prepared to question a diagnosis. It may be wrong, it may be right. It may be incomplete.

    Example - your son with the Aspie diagnosis may simple have Asperger's. Or it may be a mis-diagnosis and really be schizophrenia. His father - may have schizophrenia, or may really have Asperger's but misdiagnosed. It can be that tricky.

    An Aussie author/speaker on the topic of autism and Asperger's is Wendy Lawson. At about 19 she was incarcerated in a locked psychiatric ward with a diagnosis of schizophrenia. Her psychiatriast had asked her, "Do you hear voices?" and she had replied, "Of course I do! Doesn't everyone?"

    It turns out that she was being a typical literal-minded Aspie - of course you HEAR voices. You don't SEE them! Every time someone you're talking to opens their mouth, you hear their voice. Unless there is too much background noise, of course.

    It is a complex condition and we often don't fully understand just what it is like, to grow up with Asperger's. Growing up is difficult enough. But when you don't understand the world around you because the rules keep changing and nobody tells you, it is frustrating, annoying, plus they often lack impulse control and they get VERY angry. Depression is also a big problem especially as they move into their teens.

    A problem we have with friends and family, is their interference with difficult child 3 (and difficult child 1) and public expectations of, "He should know better, at his age."
    But it just doesn't work like that.
    Example - we went on an all-day steam train trip to Southern Highlands on Sunday. We've had very warm early spring weather here in Sydney but Sunday was the third day of cooler weather. Southern Highlands is also a colder place. husband said to difficult child 3, "Make sure you dress warmly."
    BUT - he didn't warn difficult child 3 specifically. difficult child 3 thought it simply meant, "Pull on a sweater," and left it at that. If husband had been more specific, he would have said to difficult child 3, "The forecast for Southern Highlands is for wintry cold weather, 11C max, with rain and high winds. Dress for the conditions."
    But difficult child 3 is 15 years old. His aunt was totally unsympathetic about difficult child 3 not being warm enough - he should have paid heed to his father. I responded with, "We both should have been more specific in our instructions."
    I was unable to explain to aunt - you don't apply the calendar to kids like difficult child 3. His understanding of local geography is scanty. He did what he was told (put his sweater on). He really couldn't do more.

    Follow-up - we went out yesterday to go out to lunch. We said to difficult child 3, "It's sunny now but a big storm and gale-force winds are forecast. Make sure you will be warm enough."
    He put on his shirt and pulled on a sweater. Then fetched his snow parka! No way was HE going to be cold THIS time!

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! I am the one who couldnt live without the Of course, I have been here almost 11 years! My kids are grown and gone from the house but I still come here almost every day. Isnt that I like to give back all the help I received when I was in the trenches. I am also bipolar and borderline. One son is aspie-lite, one son is ADHD, and one son is bipolar and PD-not otherwise specified. So I have a lot of experience to offer.
  8. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    Welcome to your new found home away from home. This place does become a tad bid addictive in a rather short amount of time. Knowing that there are others that know just how we feel living with these conditions within our family give us encouragement even on the most cloudy of days.

    Also there are several of us mingled about that have a large size family also and know the joys and the struggles that come with having a house ful of little ones.

    So Welcome again pull a chair, take your shoes off, and stay a while.
    T. Paul
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Welcome to you & your angels. I am also an adoptive mother of now 15 y/o twins. At this point, unlike you, I might trade them in. ;)

    You have your hands full & I wouldn't doubt that you're stressed & depressed. I'd like to offer the idea of respite. Did you adopt thru the county? Have you checked with the county you did adopt thru for respite - a weekend with-o the kids; just you & your husband.

    If you did adopt out of foster care, have you checked into personal care attendants? Something you might consider & as an adoptive parent are more likely to be approved for some of these services.

    It's the only thing that kept husband & I sane in all the chaos that my tweedles brought into my home.

    Again, welcome.