Introduction

[hamlet]

This is my first post on the forum - I have been reading here for about a week.

I am a single mother of two sons, 7(Z,) and 10(M.) Z is a cancer survivor and easy child. M is difficult child, (what do those letters stand for?) diagnosis with depression, anxiety and periodic mood disruptions. That is his psychiatrist's description for the fact that he has anger issues.

M has taken effexor for depression and very low dose risperidone for mood for 8 months. medications have helped tremendously to reduce the frequency of his outbursts, and just recently he has begun to open up to me about his feelings. If I am good, I can head off a full-out rage with careful questions and soothing. I'm not always that good; I have read most of the parenting literature mentioned here.

M's behavior issues started when his brother was born, however, XH and I considered it "normal" sibling rivalry. When Z was diagnosis leukemia @ 18 months, M reverted in many of his behaviors including being dry at night, speaking in full sentences, independent self-care, and extreme physical and emotional violence toward me. His deepening depression resulted in what I would call ODD behavior, however, he has not been diagnosis with that.

Specific questions I have are about parents responding to behavior/statements. M has many problems surrounding food, (he was breastfed and I believe he associates food with motherly love.) When I tell him "no" to a request for food, he usually has a strong reaction. His pcp would like him to be 10lbs lighter. I'm pretty sure his food issues are related to depression, but are also more complicated than that. Has anyone here made food a basket A or B matter?

Often when I say "no" to a food request or when I have to ask repeatedly for compliance with a simple task, (like put your shoes on,) M responds angrily. I get almost no assistance with household tasks or chores, which is incredibly difficult as a single mom working full time. Has anyone here managed to maintain a completely neutral, (disassociated,) tone and expression with their difficult child in moments of stress? Does it make a big difference?

I know from times when he will open up to me, that difficult child has very low self esteem, (to the point of making suicidal statements.) medications have helped with this, but no one outside of me has ever seen the depths of M's depression. I feel a great deal of responsibility to advocate for him, and demand effective tx. If M never opens up to the therapist, his father, a teacher or someone else, he may still be suffering but considered well. How do other parents address this fear?

Thank you.

 

[busywend]

Welcome to the site! You seem like you have a good handle on the big things (medications, docs, violence, etc) and you are now looking for ways to make every day life situations a bit smoother.

First of all, do not use the word 'No'. Ever. It triggers most of our kids. Someday you will reintroduce it because it is part of real life, but for now take it out of the conversation.

I think some of the medications our difficult children from are taking actually trigger food issues. I do not know about the medications your difficult child is taking, but see if there are any side effects that have to do with food.

The even tone, neutral position may work for a little while, but I think it will backfire eventually. Plus, it is really difficult to do!

Just start thinking about different ways you can react with him. Try some out and see what happens. Every kid is different and there is not magic here. Just different things to try. They might all work for a bit, but usually I think we all find we have to mix it up from time to time.

Oh - you can hover your mouse over any acronym to see the definition.

 

[keista]

Hi, and welcome. You do seem to have a good handle on things, and got to some very specific questions. I can add my 2 cents.

Food:
Obesity is a HUGE problem in my family so I addressed it early, and having a plan in place has helped when a change in difficult child medications or symptoms affects their desire to eat. In all fairness, my Aspie son defined this plan for me when he was 7. He wanted his home lunch and snack time to be consistent with school, so I complied with his request, and we banged it out.

We have 3 meals a day and 3 snacks. Meals MUST be something resembling real food - chicken nuggets, hot dogs burgers etc. Kids can be really picky and only you can decide what you consider 'real' food for your family. Snack can be either a small portion or real food or a "snack" - again, defining that is up to you. In my house it can be anything from fruit to Twinkies. When it is "junk" food, we always check portion sizes and calories so the kids are aware of what real life portions are (most ppl don't realize that 1 pop tart is the portion size - not the 2 that come packaged). Now, they could also have FREE foods all day - raw veggies and water. Of course my kids did not want that, but the option was always available, and they would try them once in a while to see if their taste for them changed.

Just recently this really worked to my advantage since DD1's medications changed and she got HUNGRY - ALL THE TIME. Yeah, she's finally snacking on those veggies. This is also especially helpful in the summer when the kids are home and get bored, and just want to eat out of boredom - it's not time yet.

This plan has averted lots of arguments and begging and pleading in my house with all 3 kids. Certainly, they still "try" to get a second serving of cake, cookies, etc, but they are kids, and I would think it strange if they never tried.

Remaining neutral:
In my situation I think it does help with difficult child, but more importantly it helps me. When I fly off the handle, or just start raising my voice, I'm useless for quite some time after. I'll even start snapping at the "innocent" ones. The calmer I stay, the calmer I stay. It is still VERY stressful for me and depending on the situation, I might need the time out, but I recover much more quickly. And then there are just certain times of month that all bets are off! lol

Effective tx

I have this exact problem with DD1 she has a hard enough time opening up to me let alone someone else (duh! social anxiety) Check out other therapists. Just like any relationship he might just need to find one that "clicks" for him. I had stopped therapy because it really wasn't doing much other than having DD1 and DD2 hear the same thing mom was telling them from a different person. DD1 is back in and her last session was about self esteem. ALWAYS good stuff to work on, but not what she really needs right now. I have to guide the therapist to work on what I find important. Unfortunately, even if therapist is willing, DD1 isn't always so it does make it more difficult.

 

[confuzzled]

here's my .02, and its probably worth exactly that...

as ridiculous as it sounds, i would look very seriously more towards severe anxiety/post tramatic stress syndrome before i'd be looking toward ODD, which is more of a symptom anyway.

does the therapist ever focus on when your younger one was sick? in my opinion, you are very right that it was normal sib rilvary before....the illness was the defining moment. it might seem like he doesnt remember or that one has nothing to do with the other, but a sick sibling can be a massive trama to a young kid. and i dont even mean the fear that #2 might die--the whole routine, family dynamic, life in general changes---the enormity of that impact on a 5ish year old is unfathonable (not that it wasnt on you and husband, but you as adults have better coping skills and reasoning abilities, if that makes sense). i'm going to do that assuming thing again where i say you were probably too busy with #2 to deal with #1 at the time--which is what we all do, rightly so--but then it somehow all gets forgotten about when the crisis is over. i'm taking away from your post that therapy is more to deal with #1's behavior/mood stuff now....but issues like trust, blame, fear and uncertainty run so deep that they really need to be formally addressed along with coping stuff. (i know that is so oversimplified, and you may be doing all of that already)

all that said, i dont have any words of wisdom for you other than to say there is a lot of success with a therapy called EMDR if, in fact it is a PTSD type thing. it also might be helpful if you called the treating hospital for #2 if its close enough to see if they have any sibling groups (try the child life department, sometimes they run that type of group, or any support group, even in the name of "fun" might help).

anyway, welcome

 

[wintak]

hello.
Food is always an issue at our house and mainly cuz difficult child wants junk ALL THE TIME. If given a choice, that's what he would eat. Getting GOOD calories in him is hard. Almost impossible. Might try keista's idea. In my house I make a menu with kid input and post it. (idea from Childfind) . That way they know what's for dinner. And yes, sometimes it needs to be changed, but we just change the days around, not flat out changing what was on the menu. I cook ONE THING for dinner. You don't want to eat, that's fine...don't eat. You don't get to have junk though.

Our dr suggested cooking one dinner but ALWAYs having a 2nd option of pb&j (or something like that) as an "out" if they did'n't want to eat the cooked meal. I, personally, have not tried that mainly cuz for about a month I'd have to watch all 3 eat PB&j for dinner.

We try not to say NO. There are ways to work around it. If he says I want XYZ and the answer is no, you can say, You may have ABC (that way you're not saying no) or maybe if xyz is an option later, you can say, if you do GHI then you can have XYZ. Again, not saying no but not letting him have it

I have days where I can stay stoic...no emotion at all...drives difficult child CRAZY. And some days he'll needle me until I break and other days he'll drop it. There are many other days where I can't be stoic and flat.

Welcome!

 

[hamlet]

Thank you all for the warm welcome and good ideas.

I believe in structure and the firm foundation it gives our kids. I will give some thought to the suggestions about food.

confuzzeled, it does not sound ridiculous to look at ptss, in fact it is proven that many parents of cancer kids (ck,) suffer pts. It stands to reason that the sibs might suffer too, and you are spot on with your analysis of what it was like. Parents of CK call their well children "the forgotten ones." Every ounce of energy goes to saving one kid's life and the others have to fend. Add to that the fact that divorce statistics in a family where a child is diagnosis with cancer are 85% and it's a double-whammy.

When I look at the symptoms of depression and pts, gkg fits better in the latter description. I have thought that in passing about M, but I didn't put it together with emdr. That's a great idea. I'm going to check it out with therapist tomorrow.

keista, thank you for the thoughts about how staying calm helps you. I've noticed that my stoic exterior seems to be a challenge to gkg. Can he break me? Can he make me react? He has to up the ante until he's out of control... but if I can stay calm hopefully I am modeling the behavior I expect from him.

I've told him many times that swearing is not acceptable so if he hears me swear at all he flies off the handle.

Yeah. Treading on eggshells.

 

[InsaneCdn]

do not use the word 'No'. Ever.

Yes, seriously. The trick is... to use the tricks the experts were teaching in Customer Service classes 20+ years ago.

Like... Customer says, "Where are the bananas?" and the employee is NOT supposed to say "We have no bananas", even if its true. So, what do you do? Lie? Well, that doesn't work either, so... you learn to start with Yes. It sounds stupid, But it works, as long as you've thought it through. In this example, a correct answer would be "Yes, maam, the bananas are usually over here, and we have more coming in tomorrow morning". Notice... no "no".

At home. 11:30 a.m.... kid says "Mom, can I have a cookie?" If you dare to say No, its war! So... try... "Yes, certainly, you may have a cookie as part of your lunch."

I know. It really sounds corny. Kids aren't that stupid, so it shouldn't work. Really. But it does - at least for kids where the word "no" is an automatic trigger. At least some of the time. And I haven't found a down-side to it yet... so even when it doesn't "work", I figure that whatever happened next would have been as bad or worse if I'd said "no" - so it still helped!

 

[Allan-Matlem]

lost my reply

check the cps sites http://livesinthebalance.org http://thinkkids.org , the baskets are now plans and there is much more help with plan b and the language . Keeping a conversation going , language that attracts a kid as Insanecdn shows.

food - we can try and do proactive plan B about food issues - when we have only healthy food and lots of healthy snacks and drink around we can put food issues into plan c and leave it upto the kid . This helps kid to learn to regulate their eating - when hungry and stop when satisfied

chores - try find a better word - the idea is to be proactive - use plan b , make a list from which the kid can choose , do things and ask for some company , chat and then ask for help

staying neutral - in the moment we cannot solve problems , also problem solving is a process , we don't solve problems in the moment , unless it is a plan A issue . Our goal is just to help the kid calm down and maybe both of us take some time off to chill off and come back and address the issue

To give the day , some structure and predictability work with your kid to draw up a schedule or list - so it is not you telling him to do things , but we are following his list

I recommend mentors, buddy-tutors , older brothers , also people who are willing to spend fun time with him and trying to connect .

General chatting , perspective taking , identifying concerns , problem solving non-emotive stuff or other peoples problems , talking about what type of future , goals etc a kid would like to pursue helps us to connect with the kid and teach skills

it is not easy , try to find islands of moments where you can nurture yourself and lower the rope where you can

Allan

 

[hamlet]

Ok, thank you Allan and "Insane" for clarifying that. I had noticed that the baskets had become plans and the suggested language for collaborative problem solving. Your feedback has helped me to understand the evolutions in these ideas.

 

[susiestar]

First of all, welcome. You are truly a Warrior Mom and awesome advocate for your kids - just to have gotten one through cancer and have dealt with the regression and problems of the other to this age makes you amazing in my book! Clearly you are doing a LOT of things right!

What do you know about effexor? I let them put my son on it to see if it would help. He has incredible depression that actually takes three different types of antidepressants to handle - strattera is for his adhd but is also an a/d, luvox for depression (ssri related very closely to prozac) and trazadone which is for sleep but is also a tricyclic a/d. When we added the traz for sleep it really clicked and he was a whole new person and was able to turn himself around with a lot of work on his part.

Effexor is either amazing for you or the worst thing that was ever created. If you are even thirty (30) minutes late with a dose the withdrawal can set in. I have been through withdrawal from effexor and withdrawal from some of the strongest pain medications they make and the effexor withdrawal was about 1000 times worse. Effexor can also cause very strange reactions/behavior. It works on both seratonin and norepinephrine - at the low doses just seratonin but with the first increase it starts to work on norephinephrine and this is when it starts to really cause problems for some people. I did a LOT of research because I started it after my son was on it. I had brain shocks - electric zap feelings in my head when I turned it, I became terrified to go be in groups of people or to leave my home. NO ONE ever expected me to have those fears - I LIKE being out and about, always have. Some days I couldn't leave our living room/kitchen except to RUN to the bathroom and back out - could not even go sleep in my bedroom or put clothes into the laundry in the closet of a utility room off the kitchen. I KNEW it was irrational but i couldn't fight it. I was also snappish, felt like a piece of garbage in general and esp because of these fears, it totally wrecked me. NO other md has EVER done anything similar. My doctor didn't believe in withdrawal and took me off very fast. BIG mistake, I did a LOT of research online and learned that effexor stays in the body the shortest amt of time of any of the a/ds out at that time. Prozac stays in the longest, up to two weeks for the body to get rid of half of it. Taking ONE prozac every week during withdrawal was a HUGE help. Just one. I made them put Wiz in the psychiatric hospital when we wanted him off of it.

The hardest part, for me, was that it was SO HARD to explain why it made me feel bad. Even the brain zaps were hard to describe and I started to feel like I had always had them, like everyone suffered from them. Once Wiz was off the medication we had a long talk and he had them for a long time, and the other awful ways it made us feel, but he also couldn't remember NOT having those feelings so he didn't say anything. I have talked in real life and online to many other adults who have felt that also. So I cannot say that your son is having these problems. He may have none until it is time to take him off of the effexor. Or he might not ever have them. But if they take him off of effexor, PLEASE have them put him on another ssri. bringing the effexor down as they take the other medication up. Cold turkey off of this medication is dangerous, and withdrawal can last six weeks or mroe with some people.

As I said, not everyone has these problems. It is a life saver for some people. But I would be very worried if it were my child. Have you ever tried another ssri a/d or other kind of a/d, or is effexor the first? Given the mood issues, has anyone considered bipolar? If he is bipolar, a/d medications esp ssri/snri ones will likely make things a LOT worse.

We thought risperidone was a miracle. Wiz was incredibly violent and risperidone really helped for a long time. It does make a person incredibly hungry though, even at low doses. This may be a big part of his problems when he cannot have food right them. It creates real blood sugar issues in some people and his blood sugar should have been tested before starting and periodically after starting. One of the things we often have to let go of is weight - if our kids are on medications we often cannot control their weight easily. Largely because so many medications cause weight gain and incredible hunger. The hunger can be bad enough to make you think you are going to lose your mind if you don't get food, pref carbs, ASAP. This is how several adults ahve explained it to me. When I asked my son about this years after he was off of it, he said that was a fair description of how it made him feel.

EMDR is probably an excellent idea for him. everyone in a family is stressed when one member is ill for long. I have chronic health probls and it takes a real toll on all of us, not just me. EMDR can do a LOT if the person is old enough and ready to use it.

One thing that may also help in MAJOR ways is to explore whether he has any sensory issues. Is he bothered by textures, tastes, tags in clothing, certain colors, sounds, or certain types of movements? Does he seek out others of thsoe things? If so, he very likely has some degree of sensory integration problems. Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory Integ disorder) is when the brain doesn't process sensory input int he normal ways. This CAN be helped WITHOUT medication. An Occupational Therapist (OT) will do an evaluation - private OTs do a much more thorough evaluation as school Occupational Therapist (OT)'s only look for how it impacts school - and help you learn the types of therapy that will be most helpful. Brushing therapy has been shown to rewire the brain, creating new pathways to handle sensory input more appropriately. It uses a very soft brush run over the body (under or over clothes at the child's choosing) in a certain pattern, avoiding certain areas. it is followed by gentle joint compressions and makes a HUGE difference for many kids. Some OTs will tell you that it should be doen when a child is very young. We heard that. I still did it on my two older kids the way I did on the youngest, and the changes it made were dramatic and noticeable to everyone - teachers, grandparents, friends, friends' parents. Wiz was 13 at the time. You can learn more about Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) in The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun - both by Kranowitz. I would buy the Has Fun and borrow the other from the library. The Has Fun book is packed with fun things to do to provide the different types of sensory activities taht your child needs to give a good sensory diet - and ways to do them inexpensively. the other explains it and describes the issues well, but I didn't refer to it nearly as often as the Has Fun book. ALL of my family (even my mom and dad!) enjoys the Has Fun book, not just the kids.

That is all I can say now. Welcome and I hope you stick around!

 

[hamlet]

Susiestar,
Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

I have not had any feedback from difficult child that the effexor causes him the brain zap you mention. I think I know what you are talking about - I understand what you are describing. difficult child has not mentioned that phenomenon. He does get lightheaded, (positional hypertension,) which is why the risperidone is at a very low dose. When he first started taking effexor it took a long time to get him at the right dose. psychiatrist kept having to increase in small increments until we felt it was working.

difficult child's "episodes" of anger and have decreased in frequency, but as he gets older they have increased in intensity. I have not had to phone crisis or police as of yet, but the one time he was raging in a public place, a woman, (a stranger,) threatened that SHE would call the police.

Of course the more I learn and study on ODD and CPM the more adept I am at handling his defiance. It is impossible, however, for me to spring back the way that difficult child can do after he calms down. Once he's feeling better he expects everything to be back to normal, but I am still reeling from the abuse.

I know I can blame pediatric cancer for some of difficult child's issues, but I do sometimes wonder if he would have been this way regardless. When difficult child first started raging at me NO ONE believed me, including XH and the first therapist difficult child was seeing. He never acts this way toward his father, and I do sometimes feel quite bitter about that. easy child's leukemia destroyed my family and now I am picking up the pieces. It is very hard to stay positive and keep faith.

Last night I innocently said, "It's time to get ready for bed," and that was a trigger. difficult child battled me for over an hour before voluntarily taking his shower and laying down for the night. Sigh.

 

[keista]

OK, I'm on a mission to remind every one that the medications we give our kids can CAUSE many problems including ODD behavior AND psychiatrist can and do too often dismiss parental concerns on the issue.

It's happened to DD1 twice now. The first time was more obvious - Prozac - it was her first medication. It quieted her depression a bit, but her behavior went through the roof! this happened within the first 2 months and got worse as we went along . I think it was 5 months total. *&&$^%(&*^& psychiatrist just decided to diagnosis her with ODD. we don't see that psychiatrist anymore. Once I got her off of it, the ODD behavior just went away. (no she didn't "work" on it. She was still completely uncooperative in therapy)

2nd time I just identified, and has been a lot more subtle. This time the culprit was Paxil. First 2 months everything was AWESOME. and then VERY slowly went down hill from there. Only after posting details of the time line of behavior and medications, and thinking back to her original behaviors, did I realize and feel confident that Paxil caused it all.

I am in no way saying that this is the case for you, but Susiestar's post to you just rang my bells so I had to add my 2 cents on the topic.

You know, I've seen many references on this forum of a "magic wand" and while that sounds really nice, I'd settle for an "instruction manual"

 

[hamlet]

Thank you, Keista, and believe me I do not take medicating my son lightly nor am I happy about it. He was raging, physically and verbally abusive toward me for over two years before I could get a therapist to believe me and it was not until almost three years after that he started to take medications. In know for certain that the medications did not cause the behavior, in fact the medications have helped my son to stay calm enough that he can reason sometimes, and his physical aggression has greatly diminished. Plus, he just seems to be happier.

Still, the possible side effects and the lack of study of these medications on pediatric patients is concerning. I would prefer he did not need them.

ETA: my difficult child has never formally been diagnosis ODD

 

[Marguerite]

Welcome, hamlet. You've already had some good advice. I second much of it.

A point I'm not sure has been made - we can't diagnose on this site, but I do wonder if Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) has been considered. It could explain a lot. Too often the docs tend to look at cause and effect. If a child has depression, has anger issues, has problems with impulsive behaviour, tends to nag perseveratively - I think Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) needs to be checked out. Ruled out maybe... although it was ruled out in difficult child 1 when he was 6 years old and I first asked, "Could this be some form of high-functioning autism?" to be told, "No, not in this boy." Only to have Asperger's Syndrome diagnosed 8 years later. So I would suggest you get difficult child into a neuropsychologist, get him assessed to see what can be discovered.

Food - when difficult child 1 was put on risperdal, he went from skinny to chubby very fast. Or as we put it, he went from having a six-pack to a beer keg. Taking him off risperdal - the weight came off. Interestingly, difficult child 3 was also on risperdal, on four times the dose as his big brother, and did not get fat. Risperdal is notorious for making kids fat. It boosts their appetite A LOT.

Eating healthily was what we did. And when I say "healthy" - that meant no hot dogs, no chicken nuggets. Instead of chicken nuggets, I would roast chicken and vegetables and let the kids eat that. Snacks - the kids got the same sort of food. I stocked up on fresh fruit and vegetables and would often leave cooked fresh food in the fridge for snacking. As far as possible, the food has to be home-cooked or just plain raw, nothing from a packet. I noticed the hungry kids gaining weight were craving carbs, so as far as possible I made the carbs wholegrain. Brown rice instead of white, for example. Popcorn (hot air popped at home).

I found I could not successfully restrict difficult child 1's weight, he was just very hungry all the time. But I COULD make sure he ate healthy food. What also helped was making him learn how to prepare his own meals, because that takes time, and in that time they can often re-think an impulse snack.

With my own weight, I have to watch it constantly. But I manage it by limiting access to only healthy fresh food. I also plan meals so I use what we have to minimise waste. For example, we roasted a chicken two days ago. I put the leftover roast chicken into a container in the fridge, along with leftover gravy. The chicken carcass went into the freezer. Then last night I got the frozen carcass out and put it in a pot of water. Simmered it for about half an hour while in another pot I fried some chopped onion and red pepper (capsicum) in butter. Added flour, made a roux then used the chicken stock I had just made plus some powdered milk to make a supreme sauce. I zapped the vegetables and the sauce mix with a stick blender until it was smooth, stirred it until it thickened as much as it was going to, then tossed in the leftover chopped cooked chicken meat and a cup of frozen peas. Another ten minutes of gentle heat and the peas were cooked. Serve with steamed rice. It's a very healthy recipe, very tasty, and doesn't take like leftovers. Oh yes, and the leftover gravy also goes into the sauce. If you have any of this recipe left over, you can freeze it, put it in jaffles or vol au vents.
One thing to watch for with a healthy diet - fruit is not the same as vegetables. Fruit contains fruit sugar, it needs to be eaten in moderation. Drinking fruit juice is good, but in moderation. If you eat a piece of fruit you get the fibre as well. I never drink juice now (even though I love it) because it is too easy to pile in the calories that way. Kid can get away with it more, but we do tend to give our kids too much sugar.

Cutting back on salt can also help - often we eat, when really we're thirsty. It can also be a healthy habit for a hungry overweight kid to always have a drink of water before eating something. They will then be more likely to be satisfied with less, and not need to feel deprived.

I would be looking at the risperdal as a likely culprit of the weight gain. Even if the dose is low - difficult child 1 was on the lowest possible dose - quarter of the smallest tablet once a day - and he doubled his weight in six months. Every kid is different.

medications - if it works, then you have not done the wrong thing. But sometimes a medication can be working, but the side effects are unacceptable. It's beginning to look like this is the pickle we're in with difficult child 3, the medications that have been helping him stay calm, have possibly been responsible for his apparent deterioration in memory and schoolwork. difficult child 3 has been on ADHD medications since he was 3 years old (boy, did we cop flak for that!) and it has really helped him. In our household, we've been dealing with a combination of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (autism in various forms) plus ADHD. This then leads right in to other problems - phobias, anxiety, depression (big time!), cutting, impulsivity, sensory integration problems, behaviour/anger problems and more.

Hang in there, sorry you need us.

Marg

 

[TerryJ2]

Welcome, Hamlet. You've gotten some great ideas and input here. I'm going to skip to your other post to see if you were able to talk to the dr about a new diagnosis.

 

[DDD]

Have you checked to see if hunger is a side effect of his medication? I've dealt with food issues with only the youngest difficult child. Initially the problem was the result of PTSD due to his previous environment at his GFGmom's house. He actually was denied food as a form of punishment...geez! The second bout of food issues was a direct result of one of his medications.

What worked for us was allowing him to have a small stash of food in his room (his food issues were primarily after bedtime)
so that he could reach to his bedside table and eat when desired. The type of food wasn't much of an issue with him so for the most part it was a couple pieces of fruit, nuts and fairly healthy stuff. I don't remember how long it lasted but in less than a year he was saying "No thanks, I don't need anything tonight." That was a hug whoop for me because it showed his anxiety level had decreased. on the other hand, with that one medication his body really needed something. Good luck. DDD