Joanne -
First of all - 12 hour shifts are the bomb. I'm not sure about you? But since I don't have any little kids anymore? It's an escape I can relate to happily. For 12 whole hours.....no one can bother me, other than the people in the city, and the county, and when I leave the job? Well. it's their crisis - it's my job. Also thank your husband for his service to our country, I never miss an opportunity to thank a Vet. And to you - for being alone while he was gone. Your sacrifices WERE appreciated.
Okay - so it sounds like your life is a snowglobe.....Pick it up, shake it - and see what falls where. Baby in the laundry basket, kid in the neighbors yard sharing smiles with a dog, front door open (are you sure it wasn't open house - I mean you could have missed a sign??), hubby sound asleep, and a troll in your sisters room. Seriously you had the makings for a totally Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) fairy tale there - and (vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt) it went right out that open front door didn't it? Personally for me? It would have gone out that front door with the troll at about 100 mph.....with my boot pasted to his kiester....along with a call to 911, for a criminal sexual misconduct on a minor call - but.....que serra serra. However I think I would file a report with my local police and give them a description of this toad, and tell them that should he show back up again? You want him arrested for trespassing. NO old dude, with a candlestick in the bedroom with the 17 year old....(old dude get a CLUE)
As far as the children and day care? WELL.......that would be great in a perfect world where someone that was actually free, and giving, and responsible would take your children and say OKAY I'll watch them for 12 hours for free....and you go to work with no problems, but we all know that's not likely right? Yeah - so someone suggested day camps, and day care....and I think maybe you can get (here they're called ABC vouchers) for FREE daycare assistance. And while you do NOT want to be the EVIL Mother that puts her babies in day care? How about the WORSE mom on the 5 oclock news that finds her toddler in the middle of the street? Yeah - that's not so good. Then - the 17 year old can get a job, get a GED, and not be in the bedroom with her biology projects. YOUR HUSBAND -----would have down time - and honey- he's got brain cancer so watching 2 kids, well - 3 -----NOT on his list of "Things I need to do now that I'm out of the military" ........23 or not-------he needs peace and quiet and the MORE of that HE gets? The more YOU are going to get. AND YOU need it most of all because right now?
YOU.....Y-O-U are the GLUE that is holding this entire family together. SO oooooooooooooooooooo..........(said like an older sister)
WHAT are you doing for yourself? (Oh that's cute you're laughing) hahaha. Ahem.
Seriously......what are you DOING for yourself?
Even at 23? You need to get some kind of delegation in this house going on......and trust me - I'm not writing the hubby off with a total pass because of the cancer. If he was completely inept? He'd be at the VA and not home. SO he can do somethings.......ask him what he thinks he can do......and give him THOSE chores. If he's able to do laundry? If he's able to mow the lawn.....gas your vehicles.....cook 2 nights a week....watch the boys.....3 days after day care? Make a schedule. The sister can look for a job or get an education - and watch the boys 2 days a week.....AND contribute XX amount to the house.........if she CAN"T by a certain day???? THEN SHE NEEDS TO MAKE OTHER ARRANGEMENTS AND MOVE OUT......you......and hubby do not support her......it does her NO good to drag her along - at 17 - mental health patient or not - she needs to figure some things out to help herself.....find her way. Either file for SSDI - or get a job - or go to voc rehab - or JOB CORPS......whatever - but -------YOU and those boys come FIRST.
So get a plan - make a list - and get some things crossed off it every single day------and stick to your guns...........and every day - THIRTY MINUTES - is JOANNE TIME - no boys, no hubby no phone, no sister - it's YOU time - I don't care if you have to walk around the block.......stop at the grocery store and buy yourself a pint of hagen das..and eat it all alone in the parking lot of the winn dixie......or go for a walk to the end of the road.....or sit on the toilet and dare anyone to knock on that door - its JOANNES 30 minutes........and you really should find time to have one date night a week or so with hubby -
OKAY - well - I'm going to go take care of my own injured patient......(knee replacement man, going blind) and 5 dogs that have become sooooooo needy....since I went back to work. (I take 1 hour a day for ME now because well - I'm like 2x your age and -----don't want to say selfish, cause it's not that - I'm just more experienced.....older, and by GOD I've earned it) lol.
Hang tough gal - You're doing great.....and we're here to help.
oh and by the way - if the wallpaper is the only thing you're not mad at somedays? THAT is acceptable too.
Hugs
Star