I am going crazy. I try to ignore it but every once in a while I just blow! I hate working nights. I hate being awake all night and alone all day. I hate the weight of everything on my shoulders. I hate trying to find a way to pay the bills, clean the house, make appointments...and FIX things. The house is falling apart. husband does NOTHING. He comes home and either gives difficult child rides to friends, baseball (I do go there). husband pays no bills, FIXES NOTHING. I nag for years to fix one stupid thing. Took 1.5 years for him to finally glue the tub surround back on the wall. There are so many things falling apart that he is able to fix, but he doesn't. He is waiting for ME to call someone to do it. WE don't have the money. Doesn't he GET IT. IF difficult child is at a friends, he calls him. I understand it is ok to check in. But husband will walk outside if I am there. Won't talk infront of me. husband calls difficult child at school twice a day. His 30 minute break and his lunch break. (they ARE allowed to use there phones during this time) difficult child Has been going outside at break times. He said the school is really cold (air conditioned) so he goes out to warm up. That will change soon as the weather is cooling down rapidly. But husband NEVER calls me. Last night I lost it. I leave for work at 11pm 3/4 days a week. I get home at 1pm the next day. When I leave husband is usually in bed sleeping with the TV on. When I go to sleep he cooks dinner, does dishes, watches TV, vaccuums. I often complain that I cannot sleep during the day because neighbors are out doing yard work, kids playing, etc. Yesterday he cuts the grass. He could of waited until today when I am off. I only slept 2 or 3 hours and got up. Then asked when he was going to bed. I wait for him. Go in bed with him, put on the TV and he covers his ears. I ignore it, then he takes the pillow and puts it over his head. I LOST it. He and difficult child can lay there and watch movies and sleep when I go to work, Or he can fall asleep with the TV on when I am leaving, but god forbid I put the TV on when he goes in there. Most of the time when I am off he sleeps on the couch. Has for 14 years. So, I get up. It is 1am. (I am off for 4 days) I put on the TV. Oh...don't make any noise, it might wake him or difficult child. Don't talk to the dogs, don't make anything to eat. Yet I don't expect them to whisper and not do anything when I sleep. And they wouldn't THINK of being quiet. I HATE being alone. I HATE having to fix everything. I HATE working nights. I do it to survive. I HATE seeing him ignore me. I HATE seeing him do anything difficult child asks. I HATE seeing the house fall apart. I HATE paying the bills. I HATE sleeping alone. WE go nowhere. Not even movies. I hate being alone and not having a life. Never ever go anywhere. Unless it is for difficult child. I can't take it. Is it just ME? Am I just losing it? I just don't know what to do. I can't take it anymore. Ok. Thanks for listening. Think I'll go to a restaurant, drink coffee, read the paper. Maybe even find someone to talk to.