Is your home organized and comfortable?

[Tired out]

I am saying ooooo.ahhhhh. Stella is fabulous! can we see her face? what color are her eyes?
One of our cats is a Himalayan Persian and he was in the shelter for 5 months before my daughter saw him and brought him home. he is missing teeth and must have been hit by a car or something, his eyes don't settle they move back and forth (slowly) like a cat clock. they call it "Dancing eye" and it is usually caused by a head trauma. he is soooo sweet.

 

[Littleboylost]

Hi Copa;

First I am obsessed with not having clutter. I grew up with a mom who was a messy hoearder and I had 10 siblings. I saw the board and mess take from her life. So many unfinished crafts and projects that disintegrated into nothingness.
The hardest thing to see was the day we cleaned out the family home and they had to bring in 3 dumpsters and this is a small war time bungalow.
In my father’s later years he came to visit me and he fell in love with my sun room which had a fire place in the room next. He went home and hired someone to put a little sunroom on his back deck and added a lovely electric fire place to it. In less than a year it was so full of clutter he could not get into in to enjoy it. It made me very upset. I cleaned it out and I. Even less time it was full again.

As a child it was a source of embarrassment and humiliation. As an adult I had more empathy and understanding for my mother.

What really made an impact on me was the waste of items that could have been useful to some one that were now just heaps of trash heading to the dump.

My sister had some hoarding tendencies and when she was diagnosed with MS she decided to make some changes in her life and one was to downsize and de clutter. She had a tremendous time letting go of anything with sentimental value which was almost everything around her. I went a few times and supported her and she hired a coach to assist her also. The best suggestion the coach had was to take a photograph of an item they met the criteria of departure if the only reason to hang onto it was sentimental. This one tip worked wonders for my sister.

I think it is important to understand why you hang onto so much and de clutter in a deliberate fashion or the clutter will continue to come back.

I am the opposite and have to slow my roll on getting rid of things. If it wasn’t for E and the hubs my hubs declares I would live in a white condo with institutional decor lol. I don’t think I and quite that bad.

Good luck with the journey of unraveling the clutter. My sister loves her uncluttered efficient home. Along with the picture she has one set of shelves that she allows herself to keep treasures on. If the shelf gets to cluttered some things have to go. It has been 10 years and she has stuck to her plan....now her daughter has a hoarding problem.....the circle of life.

 

[Copabanana]

Here is Stella:

 

[Copabanana]

Thank you tired (and lbl).

Stella has blue eyes.

She had a traumatic history, too. 10 years ago she was left in a foreclosure house alone without food or water. Somehow she was freed, taken to the shelter where she recuperated many months and felt secure.

I used to visit there to say hi to the dogs, mainly. One morning an older woman staff or volunteer, I don't know, approached me asking if I wanted to adopt a cat. She had cared for Stella and I think she was ambivalent about letting her go, after all she had suffered.

Oddly, I did not decide right away. I drove home and brought my son and we brought her home.

 

[BusynMember]

She is a beautiful resilient cat!!!

Love XXX

 

[Tired out]

I drove home and brought my son and we brought her home.

I am so glad you did! I love her face. My daughter and I were looking at the pictures on our humane society's page. They post a picture of each adopted animal and their new person. We got a big kick out of how many single guys were holding cats!

 

[Copabanana]

After an adult lifetime with dogs and cats I have decided I am a cat person. But I will always love a soulful dog with all my heart.

 

[susiestar]

Stella is gorgeous! She has clearly learned to trust again after her trauma.

Flylady is amazing in many ways. If you want something in hardback on the level of flylady, try the book Sidetracked Home Executive. I believe the same women did both of them. My mom had the book when I was a teen. I used it early in my marriage to get a handle on our home. It made a big difference.

One thing that might help is to call the thrift stores in your area and see if any of them will do a pickup. Growing up in OH, St Vincent DePaul would come and pick up unwanted things. Many people would have them come by Monday after a weekend garage sale. Where we now live, very few thrift stores do pickups. The one that does ALWAYS has the best stuff. They even take stuff to other thrift stores after they sort incoming items. I used to do this for them and was shocked at how high their standards were. They took anything away, but had a list to help you sort things to know where to send what they didn't want.

You also might think about hiring someone to help you for a few days. Just don't leave them unsupervised. In our area, one ugly hint to choosing someone for this is to avoid those with "Christian" in the name. Apparently quite a few of the drug users will put this in the listings on craigslist and in the classified ads. The police here have told me that they give this warning because more than a few of those listing themselves as "Christian" cleaning people are known to steal to support their drug habits. It came up in 2 comversations I had with different cops. One was asking questions about my ex sister in law and one was a cop I knew in high school who just offered a warning during a conversation about our parents getting older. Luckily my mom has an amazing cleaning lady already!

I do NOT mean all Christians are thiefs or bad people, just that in my area it has become a keyword that the cops use to set up stings to bust people. Sad, isn't it.

My other cleaning tip is that I will set aside short chores that my mother named "Murder She Wrote Chores". This stands for sorting drawers, or other chores that can be done in front of the tv as you watch a show like MSW. The name stuck, even though I actually tend to watch Law & Order or CSI type shows while I clean. LOL. I keep a list of things I want to do as MSW chores and then cross them off as I finish. Having a list means I don't forget what I meant to do when I sit down to watch something.

 

[AppleCori]

OK ladies, let’s do something.

One thing.

Here is our challenge, for everyone that wants to join in:

Do one thing and post it on Friday.

One decuttering, organizing, or even cleaning chore that you wouldn’t otherwise do.

Big or small, it doesn’t matter. Just do something.

If you can’t do it this week, join us next week.

Start where you are.

This is going to be fun and interesting!

Can’t wait to hear what you did......

 

[Copabanana]

This is my dining room. Not. I was too embarrassed to show you. It is filled with boxes. So. That is my one thing for this week. I will clear the space. And I will maintain it clear. (I find that once cleared, space is soon overtaken again). I will share the before picture when I am done

Thank you Apple. For the help to focus, to commit and the support. I want to do this every week.

Who's next?

Uh. Oh. My dining room showed up by itself. Oh gee. Please please don't enlarge it.

 

[ksm]

Not waiting til Friday...cause I will probably forget! I organized my Scrapbooking supplies, I went thru older DGDs room and have one container of clothes that she's left here for 2.5 years. I did toss thinks, like single gloves and socks. Lol...7 mismatched gloves with out a mate!

Today I worked on the hall linen closet...found 3 pillow cases that we no longer have the rest of the set. How do I manage to lose things that should be together!

I have a donate box...just added a game that I bought about 9 years ago for DGD. husband and I tried to play it last week...and I realized why we never played it. It's called Sorry Spin. Not fun, tedious, and boring. Not like regular sorry!

Also went thru the pantry and tossed some old food mixes. And I went thru spices and tossed things I've had for years.

I'm going to keep going! Ksm

 

[Elsi]

Stella is gorgeous!

I’m in on the decluttering. My goal for 2019 is to get back to Flylady daily basics and do one ‘extra’ decluttering chore each week.

But here is my biggest question in my mind: what do I do with my basement room full of still I’ve saved for the kids? Is it time to let this go? It’s a whole room, and I know R would love to turn it into a weight room or a workshop. A bed frame and mattress, dressers, a little kitchen table and chairs, boxes of dishes and kitchen stuff, linens, etc. ... all things I’ve saved from when mom downsized/grandparents passed on/R and I combined houses with the thought that S or C would need these things one day. But this stuff has been down there taking up space since we moved into this house three years ago, and I know R is frustrated. In all that time neither of them have made any progress towards moving beyond their semi-homeless, couch surfing existence and finding a stable place where they actually need furniture and dishes. Getting rid of it feels like giving up hope that they ever will. I don’t want to just move it all to some storage place where I may end up paying for another three years or a decade. How long do I hold on to this stuff - and the associated dreams?

 

[Copabanana]

Will get back to you.

 

[Copabanana]

Elsi. The first thing that we need to do is to separate and disengage the stuff from the dreams. Its stuff. I know. I have the same problem.

As long as we infuse the stuff with want, with yearning, with loss, we cannot make a meaningful decision about stuff. Because the stuff comes to represent aspects of ourselves, and our lives, over which we have no control. So we can never ever deal with our stuff, if it is in this realm.

I want to make a couple of points here. We have a finite amount of time left to live. Every single thing we do, takes up some of that time. Everything we don't do, we are less likely to do in our lifetimes. This dithering has consequences.

Every day you hold onto this junk, R goes without. She is too kind and self-efacing to say it but you are choosing against her, and yourself to hold out for the kids. Which is in no way saying that you are giving up with the kids.

The kids. (Let's set aside stuff about which you feel passionately attached, and focus on the junk.) Why can't you decide to pass it on and when the kids are ready, spend a few days going to yard sales with them to replace the stuff.

I have the same issues. My guts hurt even typing this. But if I think about it, it's pure nuts. This stuff is not worth this agony. The kids will do better or not independent of the destiny of the junk.

My relationship with my mom will not get better now that she is dead, dependent on the disposition of her stuff.

Elsi. I think you've already decided on this. I think you want the exercise room or workshop. I think you and r deserve it. I think what's stopping you is guilt, and a distorted sense of control. That somehow what you do with the junk will affect what happens to the kids. The two things are completely unrelated except in our minds, because we have arbitrarily linked them. We can unlink them.

I think the kids will do better and in time have households. I think it would be really fun to go to yard sales with them and buy a few things at IKEA and online. When it is time.

Why not write separate stories for the stuff and for the kids, and see if you can come up with happy but separate endings. I will try, too.

 

[Tired out]

I had to do this when we relocated. My kids were young. But I knew I needed to whittle down the stuff that was my parents.
I bought 6 plastic storage tubs (30x20x24) 2 for Jill, 2 for Ben, 2 for me.
1st tub for each was thing of my parent I knew they would love to have. 2nd tub was for the things they would need to have. Dishes, silverware, nice pans. In Jill's "Love to have" was a couple of vases a couple of pair of designer heals, a glamour dress, beaded handbag, crystal beads, ornaments,pictures, flight jacket. in Ben's "love to have" a flight manual (my dad was a WW2 pilot), flight jacket, watch, 2 vases, candle holder, tools, pictures. Basically things that weren't replaceable. In my "Love to have", Letter's home to my grandparents from my dad during WW2, newspaper clippings about dad/ ww2, Mom and Dad, Army Air Force career memorabilia, (pictures are in scrapbooks) medals, awards and certificates, Valentines to Mom. I also have the 8mm videos and projector. My sisters aren't ones to hold onto that type of stuff. The each took pictures and made an album of stuff but hardly kept and physical stuff other than a couple of things each. One sister hold onto nothing, another only hold onto things with a monetary value. My Favorite possession's I have of my mom's are Betty Crocker and Better Homes cookbooks with her hand written notes all over the place I love using them and seeing her notes.
maybe if you try narrowing it down like that it will help you rather than saying, "get rid of it all"

 

[AppleCori]

Great job, ksm!

Keep posting!

Copa, I did enlarge your dining room picture. It looks like a bunch of stuff for a remodeling project. Do you have a garage or storage area to put that in? Do what you can to tackle it and don’t beat yourself up. Remember how an elephant is eaten—one bite at a time.

Well, as for me, I am in Texas right now visiting for the holidays. I did, however, help my daughter to clean and organize her kitchen. We straightened out all her cabinets, threw out a few things, went through her pantry and tossed all the expired foodstuffs, organizing the rest for her. Last thing ( that will be done today) is to clean out the fridge and throw out whatever leftovers are still lurking there.

I will be going home late Wednesday, and have an all-day project with my daughter’s 4-H group, so probably won’t get anything done that day. I have a meeting on Friday, but will try to get a little something done on that day.

This is going to be interesting!

Apple

 

[Copabanana]

Happy new year!

I'm working. I found a website called un-f-ck your habitat! I'm using one of their principles. 20/10. Work 20 min. Stop 10. And keep repeating. It allows for anxiety and permission to let it dissipate.

 

[ksm]

Today I broke down and did something I said I wouldn't. I wash 4 loads of younger DGDs dirty clothes. They Have probably been in her old room for 6 months. We moved up to that bedroom several weeks ago, as we have had the smallest room in the house. It's a good thing we did, as DHs 52yo daughter moved in with us after a situation with her husband of 32 years. That's a whole other story...

I was tired of living with a room with 4 laundry baskets of her dirty clothes! I know if she came over, I'd be lucky to get one load started, let alone finished and folded.

I cleaned out a little shelf nook that built in to the wall, and have a place for plastic shoe boxes of socks, panties, bras, slips, etc. the armoire downstairs us too heavy and bulky to move it upstairs.

Hope to have more progress tomorrow.

Ksm

Ps...what I hate most...is finding about 20 spiral bount notebooks and compositions books that are half full of good paper... But who needs all that?? Plus I found their writings, sketches, doodles. Some I had to keep.

 

[Elsi]

I’m starting the year with a nasty cold, so no cleaning for me today, but this thread is inspiring. Looking forward to getting back to basics this year with home organization.

I think you've already decided on this. I think you want the exercise room or workshop. I think you and r deserve it. I think what's stopping you is guilt, and a distorted sense of control. That somehow what you do with the junk will affect what happens to the kids. The two things are completely unrelated except in our minds, because we have arbitrarily linked them. We can unlink them.

I know you’re right. I’m pretty good about letting things go for the most part - I have just a couple tea cups and a couple powder dishes to remind me of my grandmother, my father’s guitar, a cedar chest and a table my grandpa built for me and one of his John Deere uniform shirts and a hat. Most of my ‘sentimental’ things I actually use or have displayed where they make me smile every day. And that’s the way I like it - I don’t see the point of having things stored in boxes where they can’t be enjoyed.

The past really isn’t my problem. It’s the future. This belief that any time now one or both of them will get it together enough to be able to use a bed or have a place to store and use a couple pots and pans. How sad is it that neither of them has been stable enough to pass this stuff on? E got rid of half her stuff when she got married and moved in with her husband. Between us we could have fully furnished one bedroom apartments for both C and S! But...there is no e knowing how many more years it will be before they are able to use any of this stuff. Or maybe they never will. Maybe they will decide to move somewhere else for a fresh start. Who knows. You’re right - time to unlink this stuff from their futures. It is all replaceable.

I think this will be the year of the weight room.

I bought 6 plastic storage tubs (30x20x24) 2 for Jill, 2 for Ben, 2 for me.
1st tub for each was thing of my parent I knew they would love to have. 2nd tub was for the things they would need to have.

I LOVE this idea, Tired! I wish we had thought of this strategy when cleaning out my grandparents’ house.

 

[Tired out]

Elsi, rest, get rid of that cold. Then get to work sorting. When you buy those tubs it will make it much less painful.