it happened again.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by miche, Mar 15, 2007.

  1. miche

    miche New Member

    Why is she doing this? She had a meltdown again. Showed behaviors to her teacher I have never seen -- ever. Her teacher is in tears and so am I. The asst director said she is going to talk to the director/owner about it. I think she's getting kicked out.

    I can't handle this. I have class tonight and won't even see her until 8pm. How the hell am i supposed to function like this?
  2. Andrea Danielle

    Andrea Danielle New Member

    I feel the same way you do today. :frown: I am sending you a big hug!

    Hang in there!

  3. mightymouse

    mightymouse Trying to save the day.

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Let's hope the director is helpful and proactive rather than just turning her back on you both. Wish there was something more I could say or do to help. :flower:
  4. tryingtocope

    tryingtocope New Member

    I've been through that also. My difficult child was kicked out of his pre-k and it felt terrible.

    I hope that the director is willing to work with you since it is obvious that you are really trying.
    Sending hugs and prayers.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Michelle, I'm sorry your difficult child had another meltdown. What specifically are the behaviors the teacher saw that you have never seen before?
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm sorry Miche. This is often a young child's way of saying "Something isn't right in my world". It may be her, the school, or the combination but at this age they express in behaviors what they don't understand or don't have words to say.
  7. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    I am so sorry things are not going well. Sending hugs...It was during a 30 day suspension when difficult child was 4 years old that I was really able to focus on his issues.

    One strategy I tried was that I reduced the amount of time difficult child was in day care. I decided to try a partial day to see if it I had a babysitter pick him up at 1:00 and she remained with him for the rest of the day...In the end I realized that he was better off with a babysitter than at day care. The reality of day care is that often the staff is not fully trained nor equipped to handle challenging children. They were inflexible and made things worse. After several months of agonizing over what to do, I decided to put him in a therapuetic nursery school program. It was a great decision...he spent one year working on his weaknesses, frustration, anger management, negotiation skills... It really prepared him for kindergarten.

    I also made a strategy bag filled with a few things he can do instead of getting angry. I filled it with special markers, a squooshy ball and a few other little toys. He was supposed to get his strategy bag when frustrated. He could go over to it and use it whenever he felt he needed to calm down.

    I understand your pain...Hope tomorrow is better.
  8. miche

    miche New Member

    Thanks for the support. I left work and went to the daycare to talk to the teacher. She hit the teacher on the leg and when she started to document her actions for me she took the paper out of her hands and threw it in the trash. The director told me that difficult child 'ripped the paper out of her hands and tore it into little pieces'. That was the behavior that was weird to me. The rest was bad, yelling and saying "no", but I found the trigger, at least.

    difficult child was laying quietly on her cot (big feat for her) when her teacher came over to praise her and rub her back. Another student, one with special needs (does not speak at age 4) starting screeching and running aroudn the room. She left difficult child to get the student under control and then she got up and mimicked the other child's behavior, I'm sure to get the attention that he took away from her. The teacher didn't realize what she'd done to difficult child by leaving her to tend to the behavior problem. It told her that running around=more attention.

    So we spoke to the director, both husband and I, and they said that if it happens again she will be terminated. Period. I told her about the psychologist and the early intervention evaluations, and she said that she'd consider it. I"m talking to my boss tomrorrow aobut taking a leave of absence from work.
  9. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    They will likely be more apt to work with you if they know you are pursuing an evaluation and if you can involve them by requesting input, etc.

    After I'd made that earlier reply I thought it would be good to mention that it sounds like your daughter needs to be in her home environment until you have some answers and can find a more suitable setting. If you or your husband can work that out that would be great, but having someone experienced come in to watch her one-on-one would also be an option.

    The rippng the paper to shreds is a pretty common sort of behavior for our difficult child kids. It's as if they are trying to eliminate the unpleasant--rip up the paper that says something they don't agree with, throw the present they don't like in the trash, etc.

    It would probably be a good idea at this point to get the district evaluation in motion in the event you decide to go through with it. This is a very busy time of year for all special services staff members. It's very important that you put your request in writing and get confirmation that it's been received (sending certified mail is best). Don't assume a verbal agreement to schedule her is sufficient.
  10. miche

    miche New Member

    SRL-- she didn't rip the paper to shreds. The director was exaggerating. She just threw it in the trash.

    Anyway, staying home was never an option. We will not be able to pay the mortgage without my salary. I have no idea what we will do. husband thinks I should apply for a leave of absence. I don't even think they allow that at my school except for personal medical illnesses. Even so, she hates school so much that she is going to think that staying home is one BIG GIANT REWARD. She will ultimately be getting what she's always wanted since the school year began: to stay home.

    I'm just a mess. I can't sleep. husband is mad at me because I'm crying and he just doesn't get it. He can turn off his brain and sleep and I can't.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Maybe she doesn't want to go to school because she has so much trouble there, and she's still too young to express what it is. Could be all the sensory stuff, could be how hard it is for her to sit still, could just be the lights bothering her. I don't think any child at her age is acting up to control you. I think she is acting out in distress, and needs an evaulation. I recommend skipping a non-MD psycologist and having a Multi Disciplinary Evaluation at a children's or university hospital. You can get some sort of working diagnosis. and learn how to help her. Maybe you can work nights/hub days so you don't need daycare. It's not fun, but I did it for years because we didn't want to hand out most of our check to daycare and, frankly, I wanted my kids to be able to stay home. I only worked part time, but it was worth it to bite the bullet a little. I worked at a daycare center and even the most "typical" of kids do get burned out. Hugs!!!
  12. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm so sorry--when my difficult child was suffering from acute anxiety and school refusal it was the most painful time in my life. I felt so powerless and at the time I had a mountain of diagnostic paperwork and recommendations that I agreed with.

    Again, children speak through their actions: staying home if you can work it out can be looked at as giving in to what your daughter *wants* or it can be viewed as giving her what she *needs* to function well at this time in her life.
  13. miche

    miche New Member

    Unfortunatley, working nights is NOT an option. I'm a teacher --and the extra few bucks an hour I'd get working at a night job wouldn't make a dent in our mortgage, and wouldn't nearly make up for missed family time with husband.

    she hates school for various reasons:

    she's not at the school with her friends
    she has to take naps there
    she's not at home with mom or dad

    pretty typical reasons. Plus at her former school they'd call us every time she acted up for any reason, and we've have to pick her up. She thought it was GRAND! That's why I think this is a ploy on her part. She actually once asked the director to call me to pick her up. She told her that she could be really bad if that would help. lol
  14. miche

    miche New Member

    I'm still going to call the pscyhologist and see what he has to say I found out where to get her a MTE, I have to call and talk to them about setting up a first visit.

    My sister, who is a social worker and a child forensic interviewer, is really insistent that our difficult child is normal. She's seen her meltdowns firsthand, and really thinks we all are overanalyzing her. She truly thinks that she just needs a summer at home to grow and mature. That's a happy thought
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'd still get her evaluated. Waiting can be a bad thing for our kids. No offense to your sister, but she's a social worker, not a Psychiatrist. Too many people make the mistake of thinking "it will get better" and then it gets worse and no help in sight after it's way out of control. It's up to you, of course, but the earlier the treatment, the better the lifetime prognosis is. Many family members don't want to admit that somebody on the family tree has a problem. Good luck with whatever you choose to do :smile:
  16. jal

    jal Member

    My son did the same thing at his first daycare. First time they sent him home, he went back the next day & kicked the teacher and said "go home now?". He was 2. He thought coming home was grand too. Guess where he spent the rest of the day? In his room until 5pm. (as recommended in John Redmond's parenting book). Any time he is sent home he spends the same amount of time in his room as he would in daycare. Does it make him "understand", or change his behavior? No, it doesn't, because he can't.

    It then becomes a cycle. Smart kids, once they do it, will continue to do it. Ours did it until he was kicked out. Our second daycare never sent him home. Our third had to once. Where he is currently, they understand the situation and are working with us and have never sent him home. Yet, he is improving under the care of a child psychiatrist and hopefully even more once he begins play therapy next week.
  17. miche

    miche New Member

    Well I'm at a loss here. Hayley is having a great day so far (but the mornings are usually good anyway).

    I've spent the day on the phone with University of Maryland Childrens' HOspital -- they will see her but don't take our insurance. They said it could cost $10000. Kennedy Kreiger Institute will see her -- again no insurance, $300/hr plus $500 consult. Said it could cost from about $10000 for the entire battery of tests. The 3 other hospitals I called won't see her because of her age or because she does not have cognitive/physical developmental delays. Our school's early intervention program won't evaluate her because her behavior is not affecting her academic achievement -- she knows her colors, numbers, etc. so they won't evaluate.

    So I'm back to square one. We CANNOT afford $10000 right now. We'd lose our house. So I'm back to seeing the psychologist and hoping that he can come up with behavior therapy that works. Wish me luck.

    By the way, my principal was understading about the leave of absence. If I have to do it, he is okay with it and will hold my job until next school year. We are getting out early due to bad weather so I'm going to pick her up and rescue her from naptime. Wish me luck with the psychologist. That's all I have to go on right now.
  18. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Why don't you visit our special education board here and they'll give you their expert advice. The fact that she is achieving academically is NOT the whole picture--they MUST consider the entire child and impact on education. If she has behaviors that are threatening to get her kicked out of preschool, educational impact does certainly exist.

    Call your insurance and find out who/where they DO accept. If there are no appropriate providers for the evaluations your daughter needs, often they will approve out of system specialist with referral from primary care specialists.

    I'll also give you a wild card option because sometimes insurances will accept crazy things when they won't the easiest, most obvious. Mayo Clinic is accustomed to out of state patients and gets them through the process quickly. Some people come out cheaper by traveling if there insurance company picks up the evaluation than by staying close to home.
  19. miche

    miche New Member

    where is the Mayo Clinic?
  20. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator