I've been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by tiredmommy, Nov 25, 2010.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Duckie is in rehearsal for a Christmas play put on by a local troupe. It's about a very large extended family coming home for the holidays. Duckie plays one of the grandchildren.

    There is also a great-grandmother character in the play. She is played by a very sweet woman I knew years ago. My mother, my brother & myself attended the same church as this woman from the time my parents broke up (age 6) until my mother moved to Ontario (age 11).

    It's been very bittersweet. I've been able to look back on the last period when my mother was still my mother, or at least trying very hard to be. My mother was already drinking during this period and slipping up pretty badly but she still was trying. The effort stopped not long after she moved away when she succumbed to mental illness, substance abuse and poverty. My mother, as a parent, was dead in essence by the time I was 15 even though she physically passed away last January.

    It's truly been a gift to be able to remember a time before all the difficult child-ness completely took over our family life. I'll carry it with me always.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    gvc mom is right it's a beautiful thing. :D
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks GCV & HD.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, TM.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Big hugs, TM. From the outside looking in - and back - I wonder if perhaps part of why your mother moved to Ontario was because she knew she was slipping away? I know it was very hard on the family, but maybe in a way it was a blessing. You are able to see this woman now and not be horrified by the things she might remember if your mother had been in the full blown throes of her disease. I don't know if that makes any sense or if I am way off base. But, it's a less grim possibility of a very sad time.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    The good part of the people that we love, and that love us - never leave us. I believe when they move on to the next phase of their 'being' they exist in a place where they don't hurt anymore, have no more mental illness, no more addictions, no more suffering. I also believe that part of that place they exist and live in gives them a chance to love us like they couldn't before when they were here with us, and sick. Maybe not so much like guardian angels, but maybe just whispers on the wind when we're in a place of indecisions, or a sunset with a certain color that gives us a happy memory, or a song at a particular time to make us cry - or even a smell to give us a gentle reminder of something that was good in our lives way back when. I don't believe in chance - I do believe in those that loved us surrounding us the rest of our lives.

    This play is just a good way for you and your Mom to connect again - I bet she's smiling seeing you smile - I'm sure she needed that too.

    Hugs & Love
  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks KTMom. :)

    Witz- I don't think her move was planned with my brother and myself in mind. More than likely, she naively thought the grass was greener and this was a way to escape her problems. But it was a blessing for us as it minimized the damage she could do to us.

    Star*- That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Star made me cry, too. I sure hope it's like that for my difficult child-dad on the other side... I really, really do.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs, TM. I am glad you got a bittersweet moment for your mom's memory.