I've come to the conclusion....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Sep 27, 2007.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    ...that I'd rather deal with rages than anxiety/panic. Rages are like a tornado...hard and fast. Yeah, I know...45 minutes to several hours doesn't seem so fast in the midst of one. BUT anxiety is constant. We live and breathe it.

    The short of it is (cause the long of it would take up more space than the server has), difficult child has a pinched nerve in her neck. She's an invalid. She may never walk again. :faint: Drama, drama, drama.

    I'm a good mom. I've stayed calm and supportive. I was only screaming on the inside. I hope she never decides to bear children. I'll leave the country and go into disguise for the birth. :painter:
  2. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Anxiety can be so scary. My monkey suffers from anxiety and when it hits he cant breath, then comes the chest pain which he thinks is his heart. The first couple of times I rushed him in to the ER. My oldest has bradycardia & tachycardia, so I had cause for concern. Then he was diagnosis with anxiety which affects his asthma. You would think us moms would get a break. I am not sure which is worse though. I think I get more emotionally drained from dealing with the rages.
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Hands down, difficult child's anxiety is the most difficult to deal with.
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    And then this:

    difficult child: Have you heard the saying that a paper cut is the worst kind of pain?

    Me: No, I haven't heard that.

    difficult child: Well, I have, but this is way, way worse.

    :hammer: :hammer: :hammer:

    by the way, she doesn't cry out in pain. She screams. At the top of her lungs. (NOT an indicator, by the way, of the severity of her pain. She does it frequently.) I helped her sit up and told her to bite down on the blanket because if she screamed in my ear, I was going to go deaf. She's a good girl and she did and tried really hard to muffle her scream.

    For those of you confused about the anxiety angle, it's a pain related anxiety. Not quite ready to call it a phobia, but close. IOW, it's not that she's in so much pain, she's afraid of feeling pain.
  5. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    When mine needs blood work he psychs himself up so much he throws up, plus it usually takes 4 people to hold him down. I just dont get it. Its a stick and its over. He cries very easily too.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I know anxiety personally, all too well. And I'm also familiar with the type your daughter is currently having. It's not fun to live with.

    BUT be sure to keep having her do the things she's supposed to do (per docs orders ect) no matter how it upsets her. I swear, this is the ONLY way I got over it. I had to come to realize over and over again that the pain wasn't half as bad as I'd expected it to be before the anxiety began to ease it's grip on me.

    I know this has got to be rough on you. I know it was on husband when I was going thru it.

    I hope she starts doing better soon.

  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I haven't had to deal with the anxiety as difficult child actually shows little (once in awhile he does) anxiety over anything-including pain so I can't compare. I do know it must be hard especially if you are saying it is worse than the rages. Many gentle hugs.
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Your difficult child & kt sound so much alike in many ways. I hate the anxiety. It makes me crazy.

    A meltdown out of kt ends with a PRN medication or the crisis team coming out. But it ends within a certain period of time.

    I agree the non-stop anxiety is harder to handle. I do my best not to feed into it. I'm almost harsh. Last night kt was convinced that she was dying because of her stitches.

    I asked her if we should start planning her funeral. It got very silly though - I asked kt what color casket (light blue for those who need to know). I asked her what song she'd like sung during the service (I can't remember but it was a kick - she'd like her current boyfriend N to sing it). We were giggling by that time & her fears over the itchy, healing stitches had passed.

    Have you tried humor with your difficult child? It really helps here.

    In the meantime, there's a huge cyber-shoulder here for you to lean on; a cyber-ear to listen.

    Take care of you - be gentle with yourself.
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Pinched nerves hurt. I can't imagine having one at 12 and not being terrified of what could happen. It really is an age where everything is exaggerated. Hopefully, this, too, is a phase and she'll outgrow it.

    That being said, I do understand your frustration with it all. My daughter is one of those who always thinks the worst. When we drove across country, both of our feet ended up swelling. My daughter came to me in tears saying she had elephantitis. I lifted my jeans and said then I guess I have whaletitis. Humor really does help!
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I understand! The drama! It is never ending! I do believe and know my difficult child has true anxiety about certain issues, but then he just takes it on a whirlwind tangent that usually, in his mind, leaves him ready to die. And this is not just physical maladies, he also convinces himself that he may die because his computer is not working properly, or because his dad did not call, or because it is too hot in the house! He just starts in with feeling the anxiety, and then chooses not to reign it in, but rather fuel it with more negative thoughts. The other night, 2 in the morning, he knocks on my door and blurts "It is an emergency mom, wake up!" Of course I am sure the house is on fire, or there is a burglar........but nope.........."Mom, the tivo box is not working properly!!!!"
    :hammer: I was reprimanding him the next day, again, and he was like "But it was an emergency!" And he was dead serious. I do believe in his mind these things are real to him, and he does not know how balance it in his mind, but the theatrical element is the part that wears me out.

    Perhaps it is also a Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) of some sort.......they feel pain on a deeper level, as well as emotions, feelings, and anxiety. But I also think that they know what buttons get a reaction from Mom.
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I do use humor; difficult child doesn't appreciate it. I have to be careful at what point I bring in humor or it just leads to more drama and accusations of not caring and potential meltdowns. She is getting better about it and I think seeing how I use humor with my own health situation is helping with that.

    I've had pinched nerves. I know they hurt. I used to get them in my back and neck fairly regularly. The only way I know to explain it or compare it, is this anxiety makes it so she has absolutely zero pain tolerance and an overwhelming fear of feeling pain. Like WW said, there may be a Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) aspect to it, too... I don't know. She laid in the same position for literally hours yesterday. It took me that long to convince her that she needed to move, that she could move. Once I got her up and she realized that, yeah, moving hurts, but once you get into position it's ok and that the pain didn't kill you, she was ok. After that, she got herself up and down without my assistance.

    That wasn't the end of the drama by any stretch of the imagination, but at least she was ambulatory. I've had a pain flare up the last few days and those trips up and down the steps...which I probably did at least a hundred times...were killing me. Silly me put her phone next to her and told her to page me when she needed me. Of course, that was about every 2 minutes. Or less. Literally. :hammer:
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I just remembered the clinical term for what counselors have told me my difficult child does, "catastrophizing".

    Here is just a brief excerpt I found that seems to possibly apply to your daughter.

    Pain catastrophizing, or characterizations of pain as awful, horrible and unbearable, is increasingly being recognized as an important factor in the experience of pain. Catastrophizing has been suggested to augment pain perception through enhanced attention to painful stimuli, and heightened emotional responses to pain. Catastrophizing is also strongly associated with depression.
  13. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Bingo! Thanks for that, WW.
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Wow, this brings back memories of my own childhood. When I was about 7, I reaped the benefits of never brushing my teeth and a water system without floridization. (sp?) I got a lot of cavities, and had them all filled. I can count at least twelve in my mouth that I had done in a few months time. At first it wasn't so bad, but when they got to the ones in the back and had to give the novocain (sp?) in the muscle, I cried. My dentist was an old git and he didn't like kids. He'd start to sweat all over his face, and say "It's not that bad!" and tell my mother that she needed to calm me down. I hated that! It did hurt! And of course my older brothers and sisters might be in the other room, and it became "She's such a baby!"

    My family was awfully strange that way though. When I was five I fell and broke my arm quite severely. I was put to bed and passed out at 3 in the afternoon because they weren't sure that they should take me to the doctor. It was plain to see what had happened. When I was 7 I tripped down the stairs and tore all of the ligaments out of my foot. My dad made me walk twice to get him a snowcone across two baseball fields because he thought I was making a scene when I limped the first time. Of course, the next day it was the size of a football and purple. "So what? I was wrong!" He'd never even looked at it.

    I think that because of those things, I tend to either not say anything about chronic pain, and to try to reemphasize acute pain, depending upon the situation, as though people won't believe me.

    WG, I think that you do well to let her scream it out. I wish someone had said to me "I know it hurts. I'm sorry." once in a while. Maybe I wouldn't be so freaked out about pain now if they had.
  15. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    LOLOLOL. This must be the ultimate standard that we mothers pull out for the sake of comparison and appropriate martyrish times. Today my 14 year old son was getting a wart removed and was carrying on. The doctor walked into the middle of our conversation and picked up on me saying...."much easier than giving birth!" He just laughed.

    I agree that the anxiety is the worst. Rages were probably harder on the rest of the family but the anxiety was hard on me.
  16. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    witzend - I'm so sorry for what you had to go through as a child. No one should have to experience that.

    While I realize that her reaction to these things is over the top compared to the rest of us, I also realize it's very real and very scary for her. If I invalidate it for her, it's going to feed into the mentality that there is something wrong with her and that her complaints are not important. However, if I play into it too much it will feed the fear even more. It is a fine line to walk in that regard. I feel that yesterday I handled it well. I tend to second guess myself quite a bit, but I feel like I'm getting better at this. :wink:
  17. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    difficult child 1 is the same exact way. He can't tolerate even minor discomfort. He is almost 16 and 1/2 and he still manages to keep the entire house awake if he has so much as a scratchy throat. It's horrible!!!

    Up until a couple of years ago, if he had to get a shot, it took at least two nurses and myself to hold him down while screaming and kicking.

    husband still has to take him to the eye doctor's when he needs his eyes dilated. He has to be held down in order for the drops to be put in.

    If he needs blood work, I try to send husband whenever possible. difficult child 1 is way too big for me to hold down.

    We try not to make a big deal out of any sort of minor discomfort or illness that he has. We now ignore him to the best we can. No one can stand to be around him if he isn't feeling well or has any sort of an injury, no matter how minor.

    However, pinched nerves really do hurt. I give you lots of credit for staying calm and supportive. I have to force myself to be around difficult child 1 when he is under the weather.

    I'm hoping that your difficult child feels better ASAP!!! I hope she lets you get some sleep tonight!!! WFEN
  18. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Heather I am in the same boat with K... I was talking to psychiatrist today about what triggered her anxiety in the dentists office this a.m.? Well I am sure most of you would think, well dentist=scary... no, it doesn't in K's mind, she loves the dentist!!! So I am going through it with psychiatrist and he is kind of doing the, well every 6 yo is scared of the dentist... I am trying to get it across to him that, No she is not scared of the dentist... Finally talking it out, she was getting anxious because N and I had been in with the dentist too long in her mind and she started getting freaked out. So husband and K came back to sit with us and finish up her part of the apt. But what made it worse was husband stopping and asking her if she had to go to the bathroom, after N went... it was all just too much for K, for whatever reason she needed to be in the room with all of us, hiding. She finally calmed down after I worked with her. But if I hadn't of been pushy with psychiatrist and actually thought about it, he would have just blown it off and said perfectly normal...

    I agree the Anxiety and panic is so hard at times... she screams also, therapist heard her once and was blown away!!!

    At least I usually know where her anger is coming from...
    husband and I both have pretty severe anxiety so I sympathize, but it is still tiring...