http://rosemond.com/index.php?action=website-view&WebSiteID=389&WebPageID=16026 I like this guy and have read his stuff for years. this column was great for parents like us! an excerpt: Parenting is an influence. It is not the be-all, end-all influence at that. The other influences include peers, genes, diet, teachers, siblings, and accidentsthings over which no one had any control. But the greatest influence of all is the childs own free will, the decisions he makes, many of which have nothing to do with anything his parents, teachers, or peers have done, and nothing to do with anything he has inherited or eaten either. This is why everyone knows of a child who grew up in a good home who went astray as a teen or young adult and seems hopelessly lost to this day, much to his or her parents dismay. It is also why everyone knows of a child who grew up under highly disadvantageous circumstancesabusive, alcoholic parents who moved from one hovel to another to stay ahead of the rent collectors, for examplewho has made a spectacular life for him- or herself as an adult. Thats the way things go. Accepting that there are things about your child that you cannot change will make for a parenthood that is significantly less stressful, ridden with guilt, and frustratinga much happier parenthood, in other words. Its as simple as accepting that you are not a Supreme Being.