Jumper's first real date and curfew question

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MidwestMom, Jun 17, 2011.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Jumper asked me to take a walk with her a few nights ago so we walked the dogs together. In her typical, mature way, she told me that she has been talking to a boy from a small town about 45 minutes away for about a month. She has seen him at a few of her softball games...he was watching and one of her teammates knew him and introduced them and they hit it off. This is the first boy she has ever acted like she LIKE likes. She told me they have already talked about sex and she told him "it's not going to happen." He is a seventeen year old (going to be a senior) Christian young man who is very close to his family...they own a large dairy farm in which he helps out a lot and the one picture she showed me of him, he has his arm around his mother. He is also an "A" student and an athlete. Jumper doesn't lie, so I believe her about this boy. Even though he's a little older than I like, I'm going to let her go out with him after hub and I meet him tomorrow.

    After he gets off of his part-time job, he is coming to our house to meet us and I told Jumper that hub and I are going to tell him to bring her home by 12 (they are thinking of a movie and dinner afterward). Does that seem too late? I told her that after 12, they could come back and sit in the yard, maybe toast marshmallows and talk, but she has to be on our property by 12.

    Since my first daughter was a difficult child and used to sneak out her window at night (so "curfew" was not an issue...keeping her home was) I'm not sure when nice kids are expected to come home from a date with a decent boy. Jumper is fifteen and she's going to be a sophomore. I trust her implicitly. Thoughts for those who have teens (or just feedback?)

    We live in a very small town too so he is going to drive her on the date...she is already driving with a lot of her friends.
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    12? I was expected to be inside for the night by 11pm when I was 18 (Dad's house, Dad's rules). At 14? I think my Friday and Saturday curfew was 9 or 10.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm. My curfew was 12. That's why I'm looking for opinions.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Small town makes it safer if she's staying local. 11pm was when Dad was shutting everything down for the night, so I can understand being expected to be in before he went to bed.
    Are there local curfews? I know our town has them, different times for different ages unless you're with a parent.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    On the weekend, curfew is 12.
  6. keista

    keista New Member

    I think 12 is a little late for 15. 11 sounds better for "nice kids" and of course you can still let them "hang" at the house. Any friends or neighbors you can ask?

    Personally I never had a curfew, but I also didn't date until after I was 18. The friends I went out with were like family (our parents were REALLY good friends so we got to stay out until - whenever)
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I had a 12:00 curfew and I was a nice girl...lol. I started dating at 15.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Our town has a 10 pm curfew for anyone under the age of 16 unless they are with a parent so I guess I won't ever have to worry about that.

    If you trust her implicitly, go with your gut. Personally, I would meet the parents and spend more time with him before I would go that late but then again, that's me. Sorry I can't be of any help. If she's a total easy child then she deserves to be given a chance. I just hope it doesn't blow up in your face. That is a possibility with ANY child, difficult child or not.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Our town also has a 10 pm curfew for those under 18. However, I was usually out considerably later than that. I never really had a curfew as such; but Miss KT was expected to be home by 10, unless there was a football game (she was in marching band) or an event at school.
  10. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    i think 12 on a weekend is perfect, especially for a mature 15 year old. what time is she expected home when out with friends?...and roughly what is customary in your area for a "date"? (i'm more impressed that there is an actual date involved--kids dont *do* that these days, so her young man already has mom points with me).

    i wouldnt blink an eye over midnight from what you say about jumper--i get the impression she'd be the first person to call you if there was trouble she couldnt handle, and that her sense of responsibility and values are very strong.

    if for some reason you are in contact with *his* mom, i'd casually ask what time HE is expected home too...that might impact your decision.

    and for the record, i think we have a 10pm curfew here, but i can tell you that its enforced for kids hanging out aimlessly at the playground, not two nice kids on a date.

    tell her to have a great time!
  11. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Dinner after the movie? What time is the showing? If they go to a 9:00 show than they will need 12:00 to eat afterwards (they need to go to someplace where they can get served quickly). Many movies are 1 - 1 1/2 hours long so the movie could end at 11:00.

    I think I would look at the time of the movie they are going to and add an hour or so for dinner. Maybe suggest they eat before the movie and just go out for dessert which would be quicker service?

    At 15, I was out until 1:00 and later BABYSITTING!!! :) LOL - I never dated or went out with friends so when a high school beauty contest came about and a group of kids from the pagent wanted to drive 1/2 hour into the next town at 10:00 at night, my classmates were astonished that I would be allowed to go.
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Every area is different on what is the norm...and most kids don't officially date. Since she is 15 and since he lives on the outskirts of town (which I assume he won't get home until 1 AM) makes me think that the date should start earlier and end no later than 11. on the other hand you are the only one who really knows which is the right choice. Just seems like he is a hardworking, high achieving teen that his parents would likely prefer that he gets home before twelve when he is with a girl they don't know. DDD
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think I might say something like...you know its your first date, dont be out too late and worry us. Have a good time.

    Obviously she knows what is too late and he should know what is too late. Im sure his parents know what is too late.
  14. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I think it sounds fair. I hope she enjoys a really special 1st date ... Ahhhh to be young again ...
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I never had a curfew per se - my parents decided what time I should be home based on what I was doing and with whom.

    That said, Onyxx was always told to be home by X hour - anything after 9 PM had to be arranged with us. Fat lot of good it did. IF she bothered to call to tell us she'd be late, there was always an excuse. And then she would leave later. So it was actually an exercise in futility!

    From what you've said about Jumper, though... I think that would be fine. I think if anything untoward happened, you'd have a call immediately. Still, meeting this boy is a great idea... His parents would be even better, but one thing at a time!
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, so this is what happened and this is what I decided.

    You have to understand, my daughter is old-fashioned and wants to be a virgin when she gets married. Whether or not that changes, right now that is how she is. And s he makes fun of people who smoke cigarettes or take drugs or even the kids who make out in front of the school. She has always been a very level-headed teen (making me doubt ADD diagnosis., but that's a different thread).

    J., her boyfriend, came over and shook hands with hub and me. He was wearing a cross (daughter had said he was a Christian). This gains points with me because he does not appear to be forced into his religion or a hypocrite like the stereotypical preacher's son, if you know what I mean. He just seems to be a nice boy with good values who will not push my daughter beyond her limits.

    He was quite shy with a sweet smile and told me and he was going to take her miniature golfing and then to his farm to meet his folks (who would be home) and then they would watch a few movies there. I told him to bring her home by 11, that they could stay in the yard, talk, toast marshmellows, but she had to be home by then. He agreed with that sweet smile. I don't think he has had too many girlfriends. Jumper really isn't interested in boys who are players or bad boys or skirt chasers.

    They left several hours ago. He came early, right after his part-time job, and I am feeling very comfortable. And whoever said Jumper would call me if she felt uncomfortable is right. She has done it before.

    After today, Jumper has a week of basketball camp and then J. has a week of football camp right after her, so right now they can't see each other too much anyway, and that's a good thing. There is no rush.
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds absolutely perfect. It's so nice to have a easy child who is drawn to other easy child's. I'm sure his parents will be so pleased to meet her. by the way, miniature golf is alot better than movie...especially the way movies are nowadays, lol. DDD
  18. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds wonderful! I hope she has a great time!
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If anyone is still with this thread...does this sound like an ADD kid would act??? I can't help thinking they have the wrong diagnosis....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Honestly it sounds exactly the way Jamie was with his first girl friend. LOL. He was very shy with girls and in definitely no rush to get going there. He was the one who told his friends that no one needed to be staying out to the wee hours of the morning because there was nothing good happening then.