just cant get it 2gthr...wat a failure.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by shad16_12, Mar 7, 2009.

  1. shad16_12

    shad16_12 Member

    first one kid leaves for Dad's...12 yrs old...and says she doesnt want to come back...6 hrs away so i cant even see her. And the next one so depressed he's overdosing cuz he says he doesnt care if he dies...Doesnt even wanna go to dad's for March break because Dad doesnt understand him....it feels like the whole ship is sinking and the captains going down with it...
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    There are certain things people have to do for themselves, even difficult children. As a parent, you can only do so much. If we were able to make our kids make good choices, their lives (and ours) would be so much easier.

    The saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" is so true. You can set up your children's food, shelter, and clothing but if they are not grateful or keep pushing it back onto you sending the message it is not good enough, that is not your fault. Some kids have such unrealistic sense of entitlement.

    Somehow the kids (mine included) have to get the message that this is as good as it gets and it is their job to make their lemons into lemonaide. Because, their lemons will look very much like oranges to other kids. And, those lemons look like cake to the person who handed them out. It is not what we have, it is what we do with what we have that counts.

    I can not give much advise on how to make this happen because I am fighting the same battle with my kids. Nothing is good enough. Diva has decided that I am the worst person (not just mom, but person) in the entire world because I just can not make her life good enough. But guess what? No one will ever be able to make your life good enough. That is your job, not your mother's or anyone else's. That is what life is all about - making it what you want it to be.

    Detachment is finding that balance of providing support but putting the responsibility on your child to do the work it takes to build a good life. No one, not even parents, can build your life for you.

    So, as long as you have done and continue to do your very best, you are not a failure. Who knows why these kids (mine included) will not step up to the plate and take their turn at life?
  3. shad16_12

    shad16_12 Member

    Thanks for ur supportive words andy...Yes the SW told him that his boredom was his responsibility...that I couldnt pick up things to do for him. The kid has a PS2 with alot of games...PS3 only 3 games that he's says hes too bored with (one he just got at christmas)He hardly touches those systems. He has a PSP doesnt touch...MP3, cell phone... I put free evenings and weekends on it for a month for him and he used all the credit up in 2 days texting some girl who was too lazy to get out of her bed to phone or chat tho...she's not even his girlfriend. I kno he'd like one of the girls he talks to as a girlfriend but he says becuz he's so small they just think he's cute...in a little kid way. they all call him munchkin. We dont have cable right now but we have alot of movies on disk. I try to give him money for at least a movie on the weekends...He's at a friends birthday party right now. I know all he wants to do is sit on MSN and commisserate with all these other kids about how rotten life is. Your right its all what YOU make of it. sonja