knocked down a level

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, Nov 21, 2008.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    difficult child is getting knocked down a level in math class. I feel so bad for him. He (in the last week) has started to try so hard. Did 8 missing assignments in one day. But for the first few months of school, he was so out of control hyper that he just could not grasp the concepts. He could not handle the transition of going across the wing to another class for math. I feel so bad, he was so proud of being in this class, and now I have to tell him that he won't be in it any longer. I don't feel right waiting and having the teacher tell him, I feel like I should tell him. He had a great week at school last week, all 2's for all his goals in unstructured areas. That is the highest score he can get.

    I also blame myself. In the beginning on the school year I was pretty depressed. I did not keep on top of things like I usually do. I was also pretty sick. Could have had viral encepalopathy(sp). If he did not have missing assignment reports, then I just let it go. It was all I could do to work and go to class, and many times I could not even manage class. I missed a whole week of class, as I just did not care. I am now on some natural stuff for depression, and knock on wood it is working. I feel like difficult child is paying for my being sick.

    I think this will be better for him, but it is going to upset him so much.

    What is this kid going to do in middle school if he cannot even hold it together to go across a hallway for class, how will he manage to go across a big school? I don't think he can do it. There are several smaller options for middle schools, and after thanksgiving break I will look into them.

    Right now I am just so sad for difficult child. I wish we would have had his medications under control sooner. I feel kinda responsible for that, as I am such a stinker about medication changes. I hate them, especially if they involve a stimulant. Which was apparently what he needed this time, as he has done a great turn around.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I think this will be better for him, but it is going to upset him so much.

    Couch the explanation in a way that is positive. Instead of saying he's getting knocked down a level, tell him that the teacher wants to make sure he knows his math and knows that he can do it, but wants him to produce more, become more accurate, faster, and more consistent.
    I know, no matter what you say, he will be disappointed. But hey, better now than losing a job at some corp because he scr*wed up employee paychecks!

    I tell my kids that all the time ... they understand it intellectually but it's hard to digest emotionally.

    As for you, I can understand your emotions, but still, he's the one in school, not you.
    Yeah, it's that dichotomy between reason and emotion. We know it, but still feel like we own the responsiblity.

    Best of luck.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Thanks Terry. The first thing I am going to do is not say anything for several days. There is no school next week, so I have some time to let myself digest it. I just get tired of being the bad guy, I just want to give him good news. I try to. When I get emails that he had a good day, I let him read them, I try to tell him when he does something good.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I just get tired of being the bad guy,

    Boy, do I know that feeling!!!

    When I get emails that he had a good day, I let him read them, I try to tell him when he does something good.

    Good idea.

    No school all wk? Sheesh.
    Our kids get out at noon Wed and have the next 4 days off, and I thought that was plenty of time off!
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Maybe you can find a time these next few days to talk to difficult child about how he feels about the math. Ask him if he thinks the math is too difficult. Would he like to go to an easier math class? Would he like to spend more time with the basics before trying the hard math again?

    If he would like to find an easier class for awhile until he has gained more math skills than telling him that he will start this other class may be a relief for him and you get to be the good guy?
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    If you think he just got behind because he was unstable for the first few weeks of school, can you get a teacher to kind of tutor him temporarily and try that first? I wouldn't want him set up for failure, as I'm sure you don't either, but they are keeping my son in advanced math, even though he got behind. They know it's imporatant to his self-esteem and they have a different math teacher cover material that difficult child struggles with when he misses a class or bombs a quiz.

    I just wanted to throw that out as an option that you might not have thought about. I hate to see your son have to go through this too.
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    KLMNO, I thought of that, but I just don't think it would work. I think difficult child will do better with less transitions, and going to another class for math is a transition. I wish they would have never started that. I am just not sure, if they keep him in that class and he fails it will be horrible for his self esteem, but if they put him in the lower class if he excels, will it be better? I just don't know. I also think there were some math concepts that he did not understand last year that I thought he should have understood. Like multiplication tables. He doesn't know them. He does not understand story problems (but who does?), he has a hard time figuring out what information they want and what to do with the information.

    I think I will just think about this over Thanksgiving Break. I do want to know what his grade in math is, as we have not gotten report cards yet. That will be huge, too.