Hello to all my dear supportive friends here - I took my hiatus from this forum, spent 4 days at the beach and it was perfect. Weather was absolutely beautiful - I swam in the ocean, breathed the salt air and let go of a BUNCH of anger and resentment towards my 23 year old son. He texted me on my birthday and said he was going to come down to the beach as he had flowers and a card. Of course he never showed up until about 8:30p at night and had his girlfriend in tow with him. First time I saw him since I kicked him out weeks ago. I was still very angry but he showed up with flowers and a card and I just took deep breaths, hugged him and he told me he missed me. They drove from Austin (yes, this son of mine with a suspended drivers license drove 3 hours, in a new car he bought). I thought he would have purchased a Chevy Cruize (sp?) or Honda Civic but no.... he pulls up in a 2007 Lexus with 120K miles on it. He somehow got that car from his friend who works at a dealership for $12K. Whatever. It's a beautiful sporty model with cool rims and beautiful paint job. I wouldn't mind having a car like that but WTF? I just let it go.... his money, his decision/choice of car, hope it lasts with that many miles on it. I decided I will not judge him anymore and let him make decisions and live his life without trying to offer advice or worry. My time at the beach really cleared my head and the funniest thing was - I was relaxing during the day and at night watching episodes of Breaking Bad. Just so happens I came to the episode where Jesse's parents are kicking him out of their home because he is so in to drugs and bad choices - it was like me watching myself when I kicked my son out. The parents - what they said to their son and how their son reacted - tooooo familiar. It was comforting because so many of us have to resort to kicking our kids out and it's just the most heartbreaking thing to do - but we must do it. Jesse saying "You're just kicking me out with no where to go?".... I was like "Yep, been there done that - can totally relate to this scene". Anyway I thought that was kind of funny being on vacation and all, watching this episode while trying to process my life and my relationship with my son. I can say that I have been focusing more of myself and doing what makes me happy (like everyone on her recommended) and it's working. I made a new friend that I really like - she moved in next door to me and we hit it off. We sat today and shared a glass of wine and talked about our lives and it really boosted my spirits. My son is still out there running all over town doing who knows what, but now that we at least had a quick visit and he expressed love and at least made the effort to see me on my birthday, if that's all I got for now, I'll take it. My guard is still up and I know he has a long way to go to grow up and become a man, but the best thing I can do is let go, move on with my life and focus on me. Sure felt good swimming in the ocean. I even took a helicopter ride along the beach and saw dolphins swimming in the waves. It made me realize how I need to LIVE my life and enjoy doing things for me - made me feel alive again and that was exactly what I needed to get out of my spiral of doom with my son. Put things in a new perspective and gave me a much needed break from all the chaos. Now I'm on a mission to really get out there and meet new people and do things I enjoy. Call me selfish - that will be a compliment. Why yes I am selfish - for once in my life. I'm in a good place for now.