Let Go and Let God WORKS!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by LauraH, Oct 1, 2019.

  1. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    My daily ritual each morning when I wake up and each night when I go to bed (and sometimes in between) is to re-give my son over to God. I'm sure all the worries and fears are compartmentalized in my brain just waiting for the chance to come out. But when I find myself trying to go there I just give it right back to God before it has the chance.

    I am no longer wasting my time and emotion and brain power on the many possible outcomes of my son going to Chicago. And today he told me he might not be going back for the foreseeable future. I am also not jumping for joy at that possibility. It is what it is, whatever happens will happen and there is nothing I can do to change things one way or the other. All I can do is pray that he eventually starts making wise choices that are truly in his own best interests and that God will protect him from serious disaster in the meantime.

    And I haven't felt this much peace regarding my son since shortly after he grew out of diapers.

    Try it...it really does work! Like a charm!
     
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  2. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    I am so happy for you that you have found a way for yourself to achieve serenity. It feels so much better to trust our children to God than to worry and fret all the time. I have been in both places and experienced both states .
     
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  3. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I'm thrilled for you because this is exactly what we have done.

    Keep coming back! It works if you work it and you're worth it!!! (This is what we hold hands and say at Al Anon)
     
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  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Since moving here I have learned to PRAY BIG.

    I never wanted to bother God with my problems because I knew that others had much worse problems. I did not realize his greatness and that he want us to come to him for guidance.

    Actually sometimes he puts misery into our lives to bring us closer to HIM. Hmmm that is really something to think about isn't it?

    All the women in my weekly women's group have come to their faith because of something so difficult in their lives that that they were dealing with they knew they needed divine help. Some are still in it and some are past it - like me. It is so amazing to hear their stories. They don't "look" like they have horrible secrets.

    I knew that he was the only one that could return my son to me. It takes more than just praying though. You have to live it and worship also.
     
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  5. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    Same at Nar-Anon! :)
     
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  6. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member


    Bless your heart. I try this, but I don't think I try-try, if you know what I mean. And then I wonder if there's a co-dependancy issue. I really just think I'm so accustomed to repeating the pattern(s) that I feel a void if it's not there. Worry becomes habit. But it does nothing but occupy time and rob the moment.
     
  7. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    Do you have other children? A spouse or partner? A hobby or passion? Anything that can distract you and help fill the void? I completely understand about that void. I know my husband makes it so much easier for me to shift the focus away from my son and onto him/us. But my son made it a bit easier with his latest shenanigans. I drifted in and out of the various stages of grief...shock, denial, sorrow, anger...and lost many hours of sleep tossing and turning. When I finally had had enough and knew I couldn't keep living like that, I simply asked God to lift the burden off of me and let Him take control.

    And regardless of whether you believe in the Christian God, most people believe in a Higher Power so this concept is not unique to Christians. I hope you will find a way to relinquish the hurt and worry that controls and drives us crazy and that you can find better uses for your emotions and thoughts. Praying for peace for you and for everyone here struggling with their adult children.
     
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My husband and I lay in bed now waiting for our son to come home from his night welding class. We cannot believe how far he has come. He has earned 3 certifications in ten months and now is in the final phase to be a certified welder with a reputable company that builds ships on the Gulf Coast where we now live. He is doing this on his own with no push from us. My husband only brought him there the first day to sign up and he ran with it.

    We remember nights of sweating and worry and prayer and the stress that we were under. I just said the other night that I do not know how we made it through that.

    He used to do nothing right. Now he is doing pretty much everything right.

    Don't give up hope but DO DO take care of yourself, your marriage, and the rest of your family!
     
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  9. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    ChickPea,

    There is a certain void, at first, that we experience when we stop "enabling". After all, think of how much time is monopolized, pondering, wondering, fretting, anxiously wondering how they are surviving. It is mentally and emotionally exhausting. Even doing something new, like re-focusing our thoughts and attention on something else can cause anxiety. But that's ok because at least we're working towards a season of peace and healing.

    We can begin to learn new ways to cope and function once we stop putting all our attention on adults children. Often, we feel guilty because we haven't used up every minute of the day thinking about them. This too will subside and we become healthier minded, in time. The void is up to you how you want to fill it.

    That should be exciting to think about what you will do. Read more, walk outside, join a club of your interest or a support group etc.. The point is, it allows us the time to rejuvinate, refresh and strengthen our weary hearts and minds that have become so depleted. God wants us to live full joy filled lives.

    I'm still working on that but am in a better place having turned my sons over to God.
     
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  10. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    When I go there, I chant to myself, sending love, energy and light to Difficult Child as I let go and let God. When my mind starts to wander, I try to acknowledge my thoughts "there" without judgement. When I do that, I can relax into the moment and redirect my message with positive energy and note through my senses (mindfully) how my body reacts.

    I think all of us here have a personal black circling vortex that tries to suck us in. Standing firm with affirmations, prayer, and letting go have become my life line. That said, I am a work in progress.

    You are not alone in this, JayPea. I have had so much "practice" in meditation (prayer) and mindfulness. Having written several books that include many forms of meditation, I know the power of this tool. I am able to use creative visualization as I go through painful procedures. So, why is it so difficult when it comes to my Difficult Child? Maybe because of emotional trauma and being "blindsided".

    This group keeps me grounded.

    In healing
     
  11. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    Oops. Should have replied to Chick Pea. Sorry.
     
  12. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    You know we often forget we can choose our thoughts and that not every thought that comes into our minds is from a good source.

    We have the option to dismiss thoughts that will bring us down and send us into that dark vortex. We just have to be aware when it’s happening and replace them with good ones.

    After awhile the dominant thoughts will be the nourishing and strengthening ones.
     
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  13. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    A wonderful way to put it.
     
  14. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    THANK YOU. I'm going to print out these posts and save them in my journal.