The idea that some prefer homelessness to conforming even to shelter rules has been a big source of discussion lately. We, as those who follow societal norms, think our difficult children are suffering greatly, starving, alone and scared. Yet there is lots of evidence that there are tightknif homeless communities that know the score and the best places to eat and that they prefer this lifestyle to the safe, warm homes we tried to give them. Since all people are different, I don't think everyone prefers to be homeless, but a lot of our adult kids are in a place where they plain do not want to follow rules and in the US this usually means they do not want to go anywhere if they can't be out as late as they want, if they have any 12 step groups they have to attend or if they have to try to get jobs and, most importantly, if they have to be clean and sober. My only really homeless son was 36. When he got kicked out, he still whines about how he walked around one night and had nowhere to go. Of course, in his case, he hadn't needed to leave...he chose to leave. After that he would have come back but only if he didn't have to do anything differently and he did not see his abusive, aggressive behavior and locking himself in his room 24/7, porn (some which was very kinky) and total isolation and breaking of the laws as a "big deal." He never did promise to change. His father came to the rescue. We were divorced by then and put him up in little hotel dives, but 36 was living with drug addicts and criminals in the other rooms. He is no hero and was scared. He was lucky he had anywhere to go at all. Andl, except for only acting aggressive and bullyish toward people who are weaker and smaller than him, he was a criminal too, minus the drugs (at THAT time). I used to drop by at his current hotel sometimes with food and to keep him company. He actually didn't like it. He was scared and depressed, but again unwilling to follow the rules because he didn't think he did anything wrong. Most important to him was to be allowed to stay in his room with the door locked. Since we found numerous cartons of urine in there, rotted food, and the mess on the internet...the answer was no. We also found stashed money which he had probably stolen. Finally ex actually bought a condo right in his area to give him a place to stay. guess he figured he could handle him better than I did, but difficult child shoved him a few times too and was doing illegal stuff there...still, he didn't want to be homeless. He liked people to look up to him (narcissism is in him). On the surface, he looks good. Nobody sees what I saw. What do you think about your difficult child?