So I went to my alanon meeting last night. I haven't been going as regularly and it was really good for me to go. I was reminded that I really need to continue on letting go of the outcome. I am still tied into the hope that my son is going to really get sober, stay sober, and be a fully functioning productive adult. I know that is what he wants and I have hope that he will get there. But there is a way that being tied to that outcome isn't good for me either. I am doing a good job overall of living my life and I am actually having a pretty good time with life these days and I am happy...... But I would be happier if my son was doing really well and really had his act together. Of course I would......but I really can't wait for that either. There is a way in which I am waiting for that to happen and I think that waiting holds me back in some way. Does that make sense? The other realization I had yesterday is man I have shown this incredible commitment to my son by always being there for him. He may not appreciate it but I have been there for him over and over again. You know what I have been a great mom even if he doesn't appreciate it all the time..... And that commitment and love I have shown him makes up for any of the mistakes or regrets that I have. He is darned lucky to have me as his mom!!!