Calgon_Take_Me_Away
New Member
So it's been several months since I posted. To recap, I was trying to get difficult child into a residential treatment facility, the state approved and he was admitted on Aug 29 ~ 2 weeks after his 9th birthday.
Two weeks later I accepted a job at a residential treatment facility for boys with- criminal behaviors and mental illnesses. (of course not the same one my son is in) I must say I enjoy my job, as trying as it can be. But I can also approach it from 2 point of views: 1) on a professional level and 2) as the parent of a child in a residential facility. The clients are recognizing that I'm not biased ~ if they have positive or negative behaviors, I'll call them on it ("Thank you for doing such and such" or "That was unacceptable. What should you have done instead?").
It took my difficult child 5 weeks to start letting down his barrier. It started with lying, covertly instigating peers and manipulation of others. In the past few weeks, he's started defying staff in addition to the above.
He's been on two home visits. The first one went very well. The only issue we dealt with was him asking if he could have a cookie cause he didn't get one and me reminding him that he already had his two (as I watched him take two cookies). The second home visit he was sneaking Halloween candy in his pillow case to Nana's and then took some upstairs and ate it during the night (even though husband put the candy on top of the fridge).
It took him a while, but he's started writing letters and calling home on his call night. In the beginning I was calling him twice a week, but when he wasn't reciprocating, I told him that if he didn't call on his call night, I wouldn't call him either; if he didn't write, I wouldn't write. Needless to say, he started with calling and then a couple weeks later started letter writing.
We've had one family therapy session and another is scheduled for next week. In the beginning I was seeing him every week, but it for dr appts. His allergies flared on Day 4, Day 5 he perf'ed his left ear drum (not infected but from the excess mucous draining into his ears). So it was pediatrician and ENT appts. We've attended his school music program, PT Conferences. I had told the facility that I will be present for dr appts dealing with- ears, allergies and upper respiratory, but they could deal with- strep throats and pink eyes.
His glasses have been broken 3 times that I know of since Oct 13. I raised cain over the first time because no one seemed to know anything about it except that they were broken and repaired. I told his therapist this was something I felt she needed to know about so that he can be held accountable for his actions (if he was the one that broke them). Also explaining that if your child were in school and came home with- broken glasses, wouldn't you be asking questions? It took 3 weeks to get any answers and even at that it was 3 possibilities. Since I work in a similar setting, I know what we're told about clients getting hurt or possessions getting destroyed and I put it to his facility as such. If a client or their possessions are hurt, where was staff? If staff were present, it wouldn't have happened. There are 10 boys in this "dorm" and they aren't allowed to go out of the dorm with-o staff escort. They also aren't allowed in their rooms whenever they feel like it. So I've raised concerns that either they've never had a parent ask about or feel that most of their clients' parents don't give a rats butt about so there's no need to document it.
I asked his therapist at the facility: "I'd also like to know your honest opinions on difficult child's progress. What is psychiatrist saying? Or is this something we'll talk about at his quarterly meeting on Nov 20?"
She completely didn't answer. Didn't respond with- we'll talk about it at the quarterly or next family session or answer it. So I called her on it and told her she skirted around it. I also told her what he said about their individual therapy session on Sat. That didn't make her happy.
She responded with:
Never did difficult child or I discuss promotion to Level IV. Skipping levels is not how the program was designed. They are in an order for a therapeutic reason. difficult child is not ready for discharge by the end of the year. That is his goal, not mine. It is not realistic. I asked difficult child where he saw himself in six month, i.e. the big picture. I also told difficult child that he needed to inform you about his glasses, which he did not do. I did not skirt around my opinion of his progress, but this is something that is typically discussed in a family session face to face, not via email. difficult child had a rough morning on Saturday. He continues to lie, instigate, manipulate, and antagonize. He is also starting to show his defiance to authority at certain times. I have been in meetings all day today, and I am leaving for the day because I am very sick. I apologize for the confusion or the lack of communication.
I am very well aware what difficult child is capable of and I'm not in denial or I wouldn't have voluntarily placed him in treatment. I am not physically there to "read" him as he's telling me things over the phone. So I ask questions to those that are.
Now, all that said, I started getting sick on Oct 21st. Started with- an itchy burning throat with- coughing, 2 days later I lost my voice on top of it (dr said I had the "crud that's going around"), a week later it was in my sinuses and now I have pneumonia (went back to dr yesterday). Three weeks today ~ whoopee lol So I've worked 2 days out of the 9 scheduled and dr said I'm off another week. But honestly, if I had a desk job I could have done it ~ but when you're dealing with- the possibility of physical restraint and needing vocals, I am a safety hazard for myself and the clients because physically I'm drained real quick and if I can't holler for help, I'm in trouble. I've kept in communication with- my supervisor, she knows I've gone to the dr, she hears my lacking voice, my coughing and has told me not to worry about my job because she'll back me up. She just wants me to get better and be back to 100% before I return too early and get set back.
So that's been the past 2 1/2 months in a nutshell. Now I'm off to read other posts and bide my time sick at home.
Two weeks later I accepted a job at a residential treatment facility for boys with- criminal behaviors and mental illnesses. (of course not the same one my son is in) I must say I enjoy my job, as trying as it can be. But I can also approach it from 2 point of views: 1) on a professional level and 2) as the parent of a child in a residential facility. The clients are recognizing that I'm not biased ~ if they have positive or negative behaviors, I'll call them on it ("Thank you for doing such and such" or "That was unacceptable. What should you have done instead?").
It took my difficult child 5 weeks to start letting down his barrier. It started with lying, covertly instigating peers and manipulation of others. In the past few weeks, he's started defying staff in addition to the above.
He's been on two home visits. The first one went very well. The only issue we dealt with was him asking if he could have a cookie cause he didn't get one and me reminding him that he already had his two (as I watched him take two cookies). The second home visit he was sneaking Halloween candy in his pillow case to Nana's and then took some upstairs and ate it during the night (even though husband put the candy on top of the fridge).
It took him a while, but he's started writing letters and calling home on his call night. In the beginning I was calling him twice a week, but when he wasn't reciprocating, I told him that if he didn't call on his call night, I wouldn't call him either; if he didn't write, I wouldn't write. Needless to say, he started with calling and then a couple weeks later started letter writing.
We've had one family therapy session and another is scheduled for next week. In the beginning I was seeing him every week, but it for dr appts. His allergies flared on Day 4, Day 5 he perf'ed his left ear drum (not infected but from the excess mucous draining into his ears). So it was pediatrician and ENT appts. We've attended his school music program, PT Conferences. I had told the facility that I will be present for dr appts dealing with- ears, allergies and upper respiratory, but they could deal with- strep throats and pink eyes.
His glasses have been broken 3 times that I know of since Oct 13. I raised cain over the first time because no one seemed to know anything about it except that they were broken and repaired. I told his therapist this was something I felt she needed to know about so that he can be held accountable for his actions (if he was the one that broke them). Also explaining that if your child were in school and came home with- broken glasses, wouldn't you be asking questions? It took 3 weeks to get any answers and even at that it was 3 possibilities. Since I work in a similar setting, I know what we're told about clients getting hurt or possessions getting destroyed and I put it to his facility as such. If a client or their possessions are hurt, where was staff? If staff were present, it wouldn't have happened. There are 10 boys in this "dorm" and they aren't allowed to go out of the dorm with-o staff escort. They also aren't allowed in their rooms whenever they feel like it. So I've raised concerns that either they've never had a parent ask about or feel that most of their clients' parents don't give a rats butt about so there's no need to document it.
I asked his therapist at the facility: "I'd also like to know your honest opinions on difficult child's progress. What is psychiatrist saying? Or is this something we'll talk about at his quarterly meeting on Nov 20?"
She completely didn't answer. Didn't respond with- we'll talk about it at the quarterly or next family session or answer it. So I called her on it and told her she skirted around it. I also told her what he said about their individual therapy session on Sat. That didn't make her happy.
She responded with:
Never did difficult child or I discuss promotion to Level IV. Skipping levels is not how the program was designed. They are in an order for a therapeutic reason. difficult child is not ready for discharge by the end of the year. That is his goal, not mine. It is not realistic. I asked difficult child where he saw himself in six month, i.e. the big picture. I also told difficult child that he needed to inform you about his glasses, which he did not do. I did not skirt around my opinion of his progress, but this is something that is typically discussed in a family session face to face, not via email. difficult child had a rough morning on Saturday. He continues to lie, instigate, manipulate, and antagonize. He is also starting to show his defiance to authority at certain times. I have been in meetings all day today, and I am leaving for the day because I am very sick. I apologize for the confusion or the lack of communication.
I am very well aware what difficult child is capable of and I'm not in denial or I wouldn't have voluntarily placed him in treatment. I am not physically there to "read" him as he's telling me things over the phone. So I ask questions to those that are.
Now, all that said, I started getting sick on Oct 21st. Started with- an itchy burning throat with- coughing, 2 days later I lost my voice on top of it (dr said I had the "crud that's going around"), a week later it was in my sinuses and now I have pneumonia (went back to dr yesterday). Three weeks today ~ whoopee lol So I've worked 2 days out of the 9 scheduled and dr said I'm off another week. But honestly, if I had a desk job I could have done it ~ but when you're dealing with- the possibility of physical restraint and needing vocals, I am a safety hazard for myself and the clients because physically I'm drained real quick and if I can't holler for help, I'm in trouble. I've kept in communication with- my supervisor, she knows I've gone to the dr, she hears my lacking voice, my coughing and has told me not to worry about my job because she'll back me up. She just wants me to get better and be back to 100% before I return too early and get set back.
So that's been the past 2 1/2 months in a nutshell. Now I'm off to read other posts and bide my time sick at home.
