Major new development re: my father. Can it be be real? (shocked!)

[Mattsmom277]

Can't type all the info right now. I'm going to let it all fester and stew and then settle into my thoughts rather than ride a roller coaster up to feeling really good. The next bump in the road would only send me that much further on. So after a day of letting it absorb, I'll come back and tell you all more of today's developments. I wanted to post a short message to summarize however for you who have been so supportive and warm to me through all of this.

I spoke with a new detective today. Things have been afloat that I was not aware of for the past 2 weeks since I did my interview with police. There are now 3 of us who have recorded criminal victim statements regarding my father. I never knew, oh how it felt to hear that! You can imagine I am sure. I need time to even absorb this major break through. This detective has more interviews set up already to take MORE statements. THey sound very in it for the long haul and determined to leave no stone unturned tracking victims (known and the ones suspected would crawl out of the woodwork if they learned this was going on). Monumental news on the statements front. Seems my former step-sister, one of the more major cases of his abuse from little I know of the details, has spoken with the investigator and the investigator seems confident a statement will be done soon. I posted last night about my sisters half sister (different young woman) having contacted me for the first time ever last night. The impression I was left with was she too, the most recent known victim, would do anything asked of her. SHe seems of all the players I've had contacted with in this unfolding situation, this 21 year old young lady is a person who will stand for herself regadless of it being difficult.

Obviously my spirits are much improved. But not only that, knowing a police deparment has more statements IN HAND already? Does something for healing my recent hurts that I can't describe. I'm learning from this also to not let myself count on osme of the poeple involved in this. Perhaps even MORE is going on that I'm not sure of with some of these women. I offer a silent apology as matter of fact, for the fact that unknown to the one aunt (who I'd grown close to) I was so hurt and angry at her for appearing to not be willing to stand up for what I know she wants to happen. It seems she might be not ready to tell people but I do believe one of these statements already completed is hers. I have a incredible feelings of shame about thinking of her in such a hurt and angry fashion. Lesson in hand today, I am going to try extra from here on out to keep faith, to squash fears that lead to anger because the future hasn't unfolded yet. I have already today been proven to have rushed to judgement and caused unneeded pain that I inflicted on myself ultimately. I will not let myself fall prey to that part of natural but unhealthy fears again.

SOme things that moved me to so overwhelmed I couldn't even shed tears, phrases or comments that stand out from this call from the investigator today:

- referring to this all as a "historical sex abuse case"
- investigator using certain words to describe my father: predator, serial offender, historical offender, monster
- the investigator telling me she KNEW my dad before my dad moved away, she currently KNOWS my former step sister and her mother (my fathers now ex wife, his 2nd, after my mother), that she has a recent experiences developing "historical sex abuse cases" (family abuse usually, that spans decades before a case can be built), her committment to working with victims to HELP them find a way to be okay coming forward so that she can get them on board
- investigator commenting at one point something about how builds these kinds of cases, tactics she uses to get reluctant victims to give statements, tactics she uses to get offenders to want to fess up, etc. This lady is on the ball and seems good and thorough in what she does
- biggest thing to stand out to me was her reference to wanting him "named and shamed" in the "public", as a really good starting ground. Meaning paper coverage of charges etc so his community KNOWS what he's like, as a great tool to help get a possible plea from him etc.

3 concrete statements in hand for that detective tells me this may take a long time, but already part of a huge battle is won.

 

[Star*]

Told you you had family here that has you on their mind all the time. Congratulations. It's no longer a worry - it's a reality.....let it go, let it happen.

 

[hearts and roses]

This is HUGE - I'm optimistic for you!

 

[Hound dog]

Star is right. You got family here hon who's got your back, holding you in their thoughts, and praying.

It is so good to hear others are finding the courage to step forward.

Although, while I understand the anger ect for those who don't, try to remember you've not walked a mile in their shoes.......and while you've shared similar experiences, they are not the same experiences. Not all victims can find the strength to step forward, not all will be far enough along in the healing process to be able to face the public eye. I know it's not easy when their testimony could prove vital, but try not to judge them too harshly.

The wheels have been set into motion. The authorities seem as determined as you do. Now like Star said, just let it unfold. Try not to over worry it.

Hugs

 

[Shari]

Prayers.

 

[TerryJ2]

Excellent!

I've only been through this with-nurses aides ditching out, and brokers lying, but even then, felt similar to you in that I thought I was alone. This part is so true: "victims (known and the ones suspected would crawl out of the woodwork if they learned this was going on)."

The more who go public, the more who will.

 

[keista]

I have a incredible feelings of shame about thinking of her in such a hurt and angry fashion. Lesson in hand today, I am going to try extra from here on out to keep faith, to squash fears that lead to anger because the future hasn't unfolded yet. I have already today been proven to have rushed to judgement and caused unneeded pain that I inflicted on myself ultimately. I will not let myself fall prey to that part of natural but unhealthy fears again.

Don't be so hard on yourself. No guilt allowed. You have a fabulous game plan to move forward in strength. ((((HUGS))))

 

[susiestar]

This is wonderful news. I think there are a lot of women who would be willing to give statements to police but are not willing to talk to people they know even to the point where they lie to those they know about having told the police anything.

It may be that the detectives in charge of this asked the women to not talk about their statements with other victims. They want to avoid the impression that the victims got together to get the details straight. It results in victims feeling very alone, and may or may not be what was meant.

It sounds like the detective is great and very skilled. The words she used to describe him are accurate and I am glad she was able to tell you what progress has been made.

PLEASE don't beat yourself up for thinking angry thoughts about the other women. It is okay. We all make mistakes and you did nothing wrong. I am glad you know the truth that you are not alone in standing up to stop the abuse.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

[Jody]

Mattsmom,

I am glad that this is finally happening for you!!!!! Hoping for more good news to come.

 

[HaoZi]

It may be that the detectives in charge of this asked the women to not talk about their statements with other victims.

This is the same thing I was going to say. This way they can also present them as "independent statements from many victims" (adding to the weight of serial offender) AND if something happens later, like finding someone that accused him that it didn't happen to (they were just mad, feeling left out, whatever), the rest of the statements still stand. One getting tossed out of court won't take the rest of the statements down with it. Ditto if someone making a statement later decides they can't go through with a trial - only their statement and charges against him get pulled.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Hadn't thought about it from that angle at all. Makes absolute logical sense. Thank you ladies! I could tell more was going on but the investigator was only telling me part of the story, I knew she'd have her own valid reasons which had nothing to do with trying to keep me in the dark or anything.

My cousin just called. The investigator had left her a message and my cousin returned the call. Much the same conversation they shared as the investigator and I did. With the added information shared with my cousin that there are several other suspected cases (previously unknown obviously to me or my aunts etc) that are under investigation. Some particular names were asked of me that I never heard in my life so I wasn't surprised she alluded to this further to my cousin. What is surprising (in some ways) is that my cousin was told that hopefully next week this investigator would come to our town to get my cousins statement, but that she didnt' have a date/time yet since she was trying to make it a full day thing by interviewing at least 5-6 people who are located in our area here at the same time she meets with my cousin. We've been able to deduct only 3 possible people for this area. So that means 2-3 more we never knew of. Unreal

 

[Wiped Out]

Keeping you in my prayers. I'm glad others are speaking out.

 

[HaoZi]

The other people they want to interview may just be people that knew him. What his behaviors were with neighbors, on the job, etc. Filling in more background information, or getting more ways to track down names they have but haven't located.

 

[KTMom91]

Sounds like they're building a pretty good case. Glad more people are speaking out. Hugs.