Mantra of the week "MYOB"...from me to me!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Jan 31, 2012.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm doing quite well with detachment but...this week it's difficult to keep my mouth shut. difficult child#1 has a "new" girlfriend who is not my cup of tea. She has a lengthly difficult child past, is a recreational ? pot smoker and I have no doubt she is also an alcoholic. Truthfully I don't see what the appeal can be as she is not a "looker" either. The other day he said "X has ADHD"...big shock, lol. I can spot ADHD and GFGness miles away.

    This week I am trying really, really hard to "mind my own business" but last night I suggested that he might want to rethink her plan for this weekend. Like GFGmom his girlfriend has three children who are being raised by her parents...ok, we only raised two out of three...but it's a strong analogy. His girlfriend has plans for one day this weekend. She wants her twelve year old to "get to know difficult child#1" by spending an afternoon with the two of them. WTH?? Who in their right mind would introduce her boyfriend to a twelve year olf daughter?

    I couldn't help myself. I "had" to say "difficult child you remember how you hated meeting your Mom's boyfriend's?? Her daughter is only twelve. How would she benefit from meeting you?" His response blew me away. "Mama X doesn't see me as just a boyfriend. She sees me as part of their future." Good Grief! My child advocate genes are screaming "leave the kid out of this". Meanwhile, I'm trying to remember the mantra MYOB. I "know" difficult child#1 will use his easy child side if it happens but darn it..his girlfriend doesn't have a easy child side! DDD
  2. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Sounds like my 33 difficult child son and his attraction to 37 yo difficult child! I agreee I can see difficult children a mile away and this one is the worse yet. I am lucky because their are no children involved.

    They both do not work and feel entitled to be supported because they quit their joibs to go to college full time. If I don't send money, 'I don't love him and do not want him to better his life'.

    They just do not get 'IT' and I am not supporting them. The are living with her mother and her family thinks I should be sending a monthly check. I have tried very hard to stay out of their lives and the girl seems to think she can call me and scream and yell or leave nasty messages.

    I called the police and they advised her no contact at all. So now it's all my fault and difficult child is giving me the cold shoulder. I know he'll be over it by the time his birthday rolls around. I usually send money, but this time he is lucky if he gets a card!

    I am so TIRED of the drama and the manipulation. So glad they live in another state and there are no children. This is the worse girlfriend yet and she is the longest relationship at 2 years. One thing her family agreea with me is the fact that they are not good for each other!

    The extremes they go to be manipulative are amazing!! Stay strong, it is hard for me too, but I am finally able to say it's his life and believe it!!!!!
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh! I am with you DDD - no way should the kids be involved yet! Sounds like the girlfriend is perhaps anticipating an issue with the 12 yo? maybe an apple not so far from the tree...
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Evidently not, Wend. I asked difficult child#1 "why the middle daughter?" and he responded "evidently she is the most 'normal' of the bunch". Good Grief! DDD

    PS: I can only imagine how the grandparents will feel about that. I have empathy!
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh.. I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, too. But, MMOB is something I've worked on very hard with Youngest, as I've watched her jump right into another relationship, dragging the kids with her. I worry SO much about them, especially my grandson who's old enough to be confused by it all. She introduced them to her boyfriend way too soon, and then moved in with him after knowing him just a few months. They've had a lot of ups and downs, as I've posted here. I'm just hoping for the best at this point, and trying to only give advice when asked for it.
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Good grief! My tongue would be hanging by a thread if not biten off entirely. I use the MYOB mantra alot also but it isn't easy to follow when they are soooooooo wrong.
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh Geez, DDD...

    Sure hope your "son" figures out that she's got alot of personal baggage that he really REALLY doesn't need in his life. What kind of future would they have together?

    I'd find it very very difficult not to say SOMETHING that might trigger some thinking going on here too!
  8. Bean

    Bean Member

    This is one of my areas in which I need strength, lol. Not just with difficult child but just all around. I can be out of control at times, though, with my own difficult child and her stories, situations and complaints. So many times I've told myself to just keep my mouth shut, listen, and hang up. It honestly isn't so easy.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Amen, family, Amen. Geez, too many challenges with the adult difficult child's for sure. DDD
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What a minefield to navigate!! I still think it is really strange that you have to have a license to get a dog but anyone can have a kid. So twisted, in my opinion. Not sure how you would legislate a parenting license, but . . . . . . . .
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I can see how that would hit your heart for the little girl. At least I hope he will keep his distance and not get enmeshed with the twelve year old unless at some point there is an actual wedding... Not sure if you ever want that for him with this girlfriend but for the sake of the child, I hope he doesn't get too into her life yet.

    It must be so hard to not be in your child's business... I am so wrapped up and have to be in my son's life... I know it is different...but I am just trying to say I can imagine it will be hard for me to start to pull away at some point...and can imagine in any situation it is hard to do that after a lifetime of care.