As time goes on, I just miss H. more and more. The ache seems to deepen as time goes on, instead of lessen. It feels so internally deep, that I cannot cry but rather cringe, every time the feeling rises to my conscious. So often I just feel as if I cannot live one more day without her, rather than grieving her loss. I am functioning in work, but on my days off I am bombarded with memories of her life. Every second in my life that I deem worth pondering, I want to call her. I still am in shock, and cannot fathom the gravity of her death. I just do not even know how to be normal anymore. Normal is just a pretend world, where I say what people want, not what I feel. I just want her back. I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that she will never be back. Not in the physical sense, at least. I talk to her all of the time - but I need/want her tangibly in my life. I cannot freaking believe she is gone, forever.