More is being revealed

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Awakening1990, May 25, 2019.

  1. Awakening1990

    Awakening1990 Member

    Hello everyone, I have a 29 year old son who lives in another state and has a major drinking problem. Over the years I have done the tough love thing, learned how to detach with love, learned how to be emotionally supportive and loving without jumping in out of fear and panic to save the day. It still doesn't make it any easier when the crap starts hitting fan. I am a mother in recovery from addiction and codependency for some years now and even though I can spot a liar and manipulator from a mile away, it blows my mind with how my son can play that game with me while here I'm thinking we're collectively having a breakthrough. Evidently, I was having one while he was not. Once again I want it more than he does. I feel disappointed and angry that I've been lied to and manipulated again. Then I think to myself, why? He's an alcoholic without recovery - why would he do anything else? Of course, part of that disappointment and anger is because It just shows me how deep his illness really goes and that makes my heart break once again. I guess it's back to detaching again. As a parent I just hate to have to have that protective guard up at all times so not to enable him and not to hurt myself. I'm tired and I miss not having a "normal" relationship with him. You all know what I mean. No matter what, I will always have hope that his journey will bring him to the rooms of recovery life. Good to be able to come here and get support and encouragement. TIA
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Awakening.

    This morning I have been listening to meditation tapes from my faith. Basically they are about awakening, and opening of heart, body and mind in faith and awe.

    At the end of the recording he says, everything you need is always there, with who can fill it.

    I think it comes back to us, all of it. Turning to my son for that which I seek always blows up. Believing that my state depends upon something he does always leads to pain and conflict. Your son like my own is on his own path. We can pray for them, and support them. Yes.

    I truly, truly understand the pain of this, because I feel it. But the reality is that I have a full plate of my own pain, and it is with this I am choosing to deal.

    Take care.
    Last edited: May 25, 2019
  3. Awakening1990

    Awakening1990 Member

    Thank you Copa for your experience. I feel like I do need to get the focus back on myself. You've reminded me of the importance of meditation so that I can fix my thinking on the things I can change instead of the things I can't.
  4. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Welcome, Awakening. My 28 year old daughter is an alcoholic and has depression and anxiety. She's been sober, relapsed and is currently sober again. I have a 9 year old granddaughter in the mix and my daughter is pregnant again. I know how difficult it is and how horrible it feels when you realize your own child is lying and manipulating your. I also know my daughter is sober TODAY but that may not be the case tomorrow or in 4 years. I have gotten much better at living in this moment and not letting the overwhelming fear and uncertainty control my life. I always tell her I will do anything to get/keep her sober, but nothing to help her stay sick. I have become much better about keeping my focus on me- my own health and well-being- and letting her live her life as she chooses. Some days that is easier than others, but I do pretty well. If your love could have made your son better it would have by now. He has to choose to get better for himself. I know how hard this is. Sending peace to you.
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  5. Awakening1990

    Awakening1990 Member

    Thank you so much Eliz. That's a great thought process to live by... that I will do anything to support my son's recovery but not one more thing to help him stay stuck, sick or in denial. It is freeing to know that it truly is his choice....does it make it any easier to let go if?! But it is so necessary.