I forget about this site as a resource sometimes (I tend to first go to friends/family I know or to face-to-face meetings like Al-Anon). But I do like putting thoughts into words and recalled this site, so I'm here. Had a new awareness today. Makes total sense in my head, just feels unexpected in my heart. Over many years, I am used to our son having huge problems with mental health and drugs. Over these many years, I've learned many new skills to navigate these waters better (for myself, for him, for everyone involved). This is a help. However, over these many years, I am not used to seeing our son truly stay sober or get his act in gear this long before relapsing (4-5 months this time). It was quite a wonderful 4-5 months I'll never forget. I'm forever grateful for that. But.........because I saw MORE change, for MORE time, with MORE promise...... I am also feeling MORE grief/loss over this relapse than any other. This is a hindrance. But, realistically, it's also an opportunity for MORE growth. Yes, I know relapse is part of the recovery process. That's small salve when feeling MORE.... In short, my feelings on everything were MORE amplified this time. That's tiring. Honestly, didn't expect it. Also didn't help that a combo of other events (including the death of a life-long friend of mine) came the same week our son relapsed. Lots of MORE..... We're doing ok overall, grief just ebbs and flows in waves. And sometimes those waves just carry a little MORE current with them. Up and down. Son is MIA again. Will see if we reappears before 6 months pass. And there's always MORE feeling around the holidays. But, as always, I wish to leave this on a note of gratitude. I am flabbergasted how generously supportive our friends and loved ones are. They fill my heart with thankfulness. I marvel at how blessed we are for loved ones who remain steadfast over decades. May we be just as steadfast in their lives. Seeking now to refocus on positives......like spending this Sunday with grandkids at the pumpkin patch. Pretty stoked about that because they are the most beautiful grandkids kids ever (signed, completely unbiased grandmother -- not!). Thanks for listening.