Move over on the couch, Nancy. We've been played . . .

[Tiredof33]

Over the summer I had tried once again to help my son and once again I was conned. My daughter and I discussed helping him because he was trying so hard to help himself. He was so proud of himself for once!

In the end he turned right back to his comfort zone. I was so hurt 'cause I thought this time he finally is on a good path, and 'cause being conned makes you feel really stupid and gullable!

Of course the relapse wasn't his fault, girlie was the one that wanted to party all of the time so he had to go along, yeah right. He always comes up with the ' I know I'm a looser' lines and now I think yes you are, I would never say that to him, but even thinking it is shameful.

This time I finally realized that he may never live the life I want for him. That makes me very sad. He is such a follower and that I don't understand either.
(((blessings for us all)))

 

[recoveringenabler]

Kathy, I'm so glad you understand a little bit better. For me that was what helped me with a deeper sense of detachment, when I stopped blaming and judging my daughter for not acting like I thought she should.

I have attended these educational classes at the HMO where I go for a weekly support group for codependency and the therapists have often said that many substance abusers begin the process of addiction to self medicate because of mental illnesses. You likely all know that already. What is so sad for me, is that these people are really "tortured" within, their brains are not firing away like ours are, and I understand completely how remarkably challenging it is to raise them, since my own daughter inherited my own family "curse" of mental illness. Having said that, to look at my difficult child and recognize that in spite of it all, she is doing the best she can with the cards she was dealt. I know how much it hurts her and others, but when I finally realized this is it, this is the way it is, I felt not only empathy and compassion for her, but for myself and the situation.... and then detachment began to filter in along with a very real sense of acceptance. Acceptance was the key for me. And, it all began with me understanding it all better. With all their bad behavior, manipulations, lying, destructive self sabotaging bizarre behavior, being able to see them through that behavior and accept them has made a world of difference for me. Not to say I won't go around again, but something shifted inside me that doesn't keep me in that horrible place of anger, resentment, fear and judgment.

 

[Nancy]

Kathy I've been thinking about you today. What's been going on?

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

Not much. difficult child has been here all day and acting fine. I have been on craigslist and roommates.com looking for possible roommate situations for her. There was a great one for a furnished room for $350 with another woman in her late 20's that owns the house. difficult child called but the room would not be vacant until the end of the month.

She also had one that responded that was a 40-year-old man looking for a female to share his condo. I told difficult child to forget that one and for once she listened.

She has another woman calling her tomorrow about a room in a house close to here.

In the meantime, she is going to work tomorrow and will be gone every day for the rest of the week. I told her that she had until Sunday to find a place to move into or go to an extended stay hotel. She drops statements from time to time about how unhappy she is but I usually just don't respond.

She also has another interview a week from next Sunday. difficult child is nervous about her job since I saw a posting on Craigslist for her salon for a receptionist. The manager had told her that he was going to post an ad looking for a part time receptionist to help her out but the ad did not mention it being a part-time position. He had just complimented her again on Saturday about her great customer service skills and commented that customers have been saying nice things. So I told her that they may just be telling people that respond that it will be part-time.

Day by day . . .

~Kathy