My daughter stole one of my beloved Christmas decorations

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Ruth Sutcliffe, Jan 18, 2019.

  1. Ruth Sutcliffe

    Ruth Sutcliffe New Member

    My daughter stole one of my beloved Christmas decorations. I have a very strong feeling, that she has disliked me her whole life, (she is now 38,) and no matter how hard I have tried for her to even like me, she never has. She plays tricks on me, refuses to acknowledge her ancestory on my side, and just uses me. She has absolutely no conscience, and even went as far as to exclude me from her wedding a couple of months agos, inviting only her father. I don't know what I have ever done to her for her to dislike me so much, only she knows that, but won't tell me. I've give her more, and complimented her more that my other two children, but still it has not been enough. I'm at a loss as to why she has always been so nasty to me. I'm a giver and she is a taker. I'm wondering if that has anything to do with her apauling behaviour??
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Welcome!!!!

    i am wondering if you and Dad divorced and daughter, who doesnt sound very.nice, took his side and even in her middle age is sticking it to you. Not nice or mature at all if true.

    If my kids, any, excluded me from their wedding, I would take it as very hostile and back out either entirely or leave her to email birthday wishes and certainly refuse to be used. I am a kind mother and expect kindmess in return. I would let her come to me and expect an apology for the wedding. Or stay distant. Why be nicer to her than.your other two when she is not being.nice back? I personally would not do that.

    You cant be too young and
    I am not either and in my golden years I dont put up with the same crap I once did. I have decided that these years will ne peaceful with no toxicidity. Its our time.

    Why is she doing this, acting horrible?

    Chances are the only reason that your daughter treats you this way is because she is not a nice person and she is taking her own unhappiness out on you. Maybe you are sensitive and she knows it so she targets you. This is common with mean people who need to lash out at somebody. Nothing else. It can be that simple. Maybe Dad is not nice and she inherited more of his lack of empathy. It happens.

    My mother did this to me. I never knew why. She also disinherited me. It hurt as a rejection although I expected it. It wasnt about money....it was the ultimate rejection from the grave. She never loved me. Why? I never knew. She was brutal to me and did not come to my wedding, which was fine with me. She mever even wanted to know my kids, her grands.

    Nothing ever said or done between us was so awful it could not have been fixed in a normal family nor would most people taken it, whatever it was, out on the innocent grandchildren. There was no reason except she never loved me and I dont know why.

    FinalIy I let go of my entire my remaining family of origin. I have a great husband and kids. I had to let go of my siblings due to abuse. I know kids are harder but your daughter isnt treating you like the loving mother you are. Groveling doesnt work. It just empowers those who.hurt us.

    Think it over. Do what is best for you. YOU matter!

    Love and light!
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2019
  3. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Are you her birth mother or step mother? Did the ornament have special significance? I agree with swot that you don't need to take her abuse. Let her know that if she is going to be offensive or steal things she can stay away she is not welcome. I k ow it is painful but you might find that if she knows your not going to put up with it anymore her attitude will change but if it doesn't her loss.
     
  4. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    Ruth,
    What you described resonates with me.

    My daughter, now 38, never seemed to really bond with me. I know I was a good mother. Over a year ago she cut off contact with me because I refused to keep rescuing her from her poor choices. When she was a teen and her dad and I divorced, he did everything he could to turn her against me. Look up parental alienation - it's real.
    Also, I believe my daughter suffers from undiagnosed mental illness, probably borderline, that began surfacing at about age 20.

    Could any of this type of thing be going on with your daughter.

    Although I love my daughter, her cutting off contact was a relief because of how verbally abusive and self-destructive she is.

    We have all made mistakes, but no one deserves to be treated badly. Be kind to yourself.
     
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