My first post here...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Always Hoping, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. Always Hoping

    Always Hoping New Member

    Please let me know if I need to add anything to my siggy (within reason, I'm a bit nervous about this being open to the public). I'm a homeschooling mom and you can see my kids status in my siggy. We got the diagnosis around October so we're still learning, trying to deal with all this. We knew there was something going on with him when I homeschooled difficult child in Kindergarten (he's in second grade this year, he doesn't turn 7 until the end of the week actually). I made sure to tailor our curriculum to where he was intellectually and to spend an age appropriate amount of time on schooling stuff, but it was still more of a battle than it should've been. We put him in public school last year for a whole host of reasons that had nothing to do with him, but it was a good lesson for us. By September (school starts in Aug here) his teacher was talking about getting him evaluated. We took him to a child psychiatric in Oct. and based off of a parent survey and an office visit was diagnosis ADHD/ODD with adhd being the primary diagnosis and odd slightly behind it. The school year was awful. The medications helped, but we still got notes sent home about once a week. He was way ahead of the curriculum and very bored, but they weren't willing to do anything about it. I'm homeschooling again this year and will not go back to public school for a long time. I've been doing some research on adhd gifted children and came across a lot of info that describes my difficult child to a T. I'm going to ask his psychiatric about getting him tested, but I have another contact I may use if his psychiatric isn't very cooperative (I have no reason for thinking he won't be, just a back up plan). From everything that I'm reading and observing in him, I really think there's a big gap between his intellectual age level, his emotional age level and his physical age level and I think it's causing all kinds of havoc. Like my brother said "he's 6 going on 26". He's an absolutely wonderful child, but it's really difficult parenting him sometimes. I've got more to post about the specific difficulties, but I'll leave that for a new post. husband and I are going through Calm Parenting's cd's right now (they deal specifically with "strong willed" children) and they are a huge help, but there's a bit of a disconnect between hearing and knowing and doing. The cd's are still relatively new so I just need to keep listening to them more. I went to several of their workshops when they were local and was just floored by what he had to say. Anyway, I'm hoping to get some help and encouragement here. The encouragement is a big issue for me right now (which I'll post about next chance I get, youngest easy child needs to wake up from a nap).
  2. Always Hoping

    Always Hoping New Member

    Also forgot to mention is obsessions with fans and weather. He's been obsessed with ceiling fans since he was youngest easy child's age and hasn't gone away. He knows everything there is to know about them, how they are installed, how they work, how to take them apart...Same with weather (specifically storms and tornadoes), although that obsession came a bit later a couple of years ago or so. He wants to be a storm chaser.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the board (but sorry you have to be here).

    When you give more examples of his behaviors, we'll probably be able to help you more. It doesn't sound like he had a very intensive evaluation. Many of us take our children to neuropsychs because they test the kids intensively and in every area of function. What problems did he have in public school? What was he like as an infant and toddler? Any delays? Any quirks? Can he transition well from one activity to the next? How does he relate to non-related same age peers? Stuff like this can give us more insight.

    Looking forward to learning more about your son :)
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok. The obsessions part is making me wonder if he isn't on the high end of the autism spectrum. Those kids tend to obsess over certain things, often to the point of not wanting to talk about much else and of boring other kids with their It often is first diagnosed as ADHD/ODD, as it was with my son. Does he like to memorize facts? Does he copy things he hears from television or radio or that other people say? Verbatim?

    Sounds like he'll be an excellent storm chaser one :)

    Others will come along.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. Just wanted to say Hi and suggest that he may be an Aspie. Sorry, I'm needed in the kitchen. DDD
  6. Always Hoping

    Always Hoping New Member

    Thank you both. We did a prescreening test for autism when he was 3 because of the obsession and he was a late talker, but there weren't any indicators. When he's around other kids his age he'll talk and play about other things, sometimes he might bring up fans, but not very often. When he was younger (2-3)at play dates all he wanted to do was walk around and look at fans. He wouldn't really play much with the others. He seems to have outgrown that and plays very well with the other kids. But yes, it was a concern for about a year or two.

    I'm going to start another thread with some questions and concerns.
  7. Always Hoping

    Always Hoping New Member

    hmm...I'll look into that. I never thought of him as aspie, but I don't really know much about it anyway. Thank you for the suggestion.
  8. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome,
    I usually post over in SA forum, but I thought Aspie too, because of the fan and weather obsessions.
  9. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Add me to the "suspect Asperger's" list. My difficult child 1 does extremely well with other kids. In his case, he chooses the friends he wants to play with based on his current "obsession". When he was in a fishing mood, he hung around some other friends that spent a lot of time fishing and that's all he talked about was fishing. When he got tired of that, he moved on to soccer and only played with kids that also liked soccer. He tends to choose friends with similar interests but not exclusively. Nevertheless, he is very much an Aspie when it comes to adults, expressing himself, reading social cues, need for structure, many sensory issues, etc.

    Welcome to our little corner of the world and I really hope you stick around. This place is AWESOME!!!!
  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hello and welcome. We are just parents and can't make any sort of diagnosis. Members are just suggesting that maybe you might want to look in other directions.
    I wish I could say there is one way to approach bright, difficult and challenging children. We find a way by trial and error. I would suggest that there are hundreds of "experts" who are selling products that will fix our kids. Most of our kids aren't ever fixed but we and eventually themselves finds a way to survive in this world where different thinkers don't fit mainstream education. Be protective of your dollars.
    If I had a dollar for everytime a professional told me how bright my difficult child was, we could retire by now. It's a nice observation but if a child can't function it's pretty useless. IQ tells me my child has the ability to learn things. Boy, can he memorize facts but that is not helpful if he can't follow directions to complete a task or he is socially inept.

    My suggestion is to keep doing research and finding ways to cope with a difficult child. Educate yourself, get expert opinions from more than one professional, keep an open mind, put your fear and defensiveness on the back burner. Ask yourself "what does my child need?" Tell yourself the truth when you look at his behavior and abilities. Love him regardless and take time to let yourself and husband recharge.

    I didn't know anyone with a difficult child. I really thought if you gave a child a stable, healthy, positive home, gave him opportunities to learn things and have fun that a kid would just grow up. It's not true. Not all children are born with the same life path. Mine child was happy, sweet, smart and the wildest, most difficult kid in every group from school to cub scouts to sports. It puts a parent in despair but he turns 28 in a few weeks. He isn't fixed but he functions moderately well. I'm not suggesting your son is like mine. I'm just pointing out that parenting is more fluid than I wanted to believe.

    I hope we can offer some suggestions and support and a few laughs. Welcome to our crazy world
  11. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Welcome! He sounds a lot like my difficult child. A difficult but very smart child diagnosis'd with ADHD and ODD. Mine was diagnosis'd in Kindergarten/age 5. We have tried Focalin, Adderall, Vyvanse, Concerta, and Intuniv. It helps but not enough. I understand exactly what you mean about his emotional age and intellectual age not matching up. I have thought that also. I hope you find the support you are looking for. This is a great group of people!