First of all my moms service was wonderful. It turned out exactly the way I pictured it in my head. My counselor made me promise her and myself that I would not allow what my husband did to in anyway interfere with what I wanted for my mom and my dad and that is exactly what I did. Everyone I expected to be there was, and a few other people who I was very surprised to see. Everyone sat around, ate, looked at pictures and shared many memories of my mom. There was a lot of tears and laughter, more laughter then tears which was nice. My daughter even said it was fun. My husband respected what I asked of him and allowed me to do what I needed to do. Now back to that. Today is our 27 year anniversary. Isn't that wonderful. Yesterday he told my closest friend, and then he told me last night that he had a full blown panic attack while working yesterday because all of a sudden he put himself in my place and admitted to himself that if it was turned around, he would never be able to stay with me. My only reply was that I was glad he was able to put himself in my place because it's an awful place to be and that I know we need to talk about what is going to happen from here, but that I will not do it today on our anniversary. He bought me 2 dozen roses today and a card and both of these really meant nothing to me. The only thing I can think of today is that if he hadn't gotten caught, he still would have been having an affair today on our anniversary. He would have taken me out to dinner and acted like everything was great. I am planning on telling him exactly what the counselor told me, that as he was thinking he could never leave me, he already had. It's not anyones choice to make anymore, he already made it for us. I do believe right now that I want sometime to myself to be happy. I have spent many many years putting my needs aside to make him happy and obviously it was never enough, so now it's time for me. I also believe that at this point, if he's mature enough, we could probably get through this and remain friends. Who knows, maybe I'm being unrealistic. I have no problem helping him find an apartment and helping him start his new life. I am not the type of person who needs revenge, it's not in me. I kind of want him to go quietly and hopefully someday we can have a different type of relationship as friends. My sister inlaws husband, husband's brother, it must run in the family, had an affair on her years ago. She told me the other day that if her kids had been my age she never would have taken him back, but her kids were small and financially she could not have done it on her own, but she told me it's only in her head and in her heart what he did and parts of her can never forget and totally forgive. I won't allow that to happen to myself.