My mother is losin it :(

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Marcie Mac, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    She called me the last two days running as she had an appointment with an attorney about her will.

    We had the same conversation two days running LOL She either forgot she called me, or lost the paper she originally wrote it down on. She wanted to make sure she had the spelling of my name right. After two days of the same debate where I told her I haven't used my full name since was 17 years old -and its Marcie spelled with an i.e. and not a Y at the end, or an e, or an I, she asks me again what my middle name is.

    Mmmmm, mom, I don't have a middle name. She says I am sure you do..mmmm, no mom, no middle name. She says I am sure you have one - I seem to recall you had one. Well, if I have one, no one ever spoke it out loud, and I recall seeing my birth certificate, and there was only one name on there, my first (the long version). the one I haven't used in over 40 years..

    She is going to ask my aunt what my middle name is and get back to me..


  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    It's horrifying when our parents start losing it. I'm so sorry, Marcie.

    Big hugs,
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow- that does sound pretty extreme. Has there been a memory problem for a while? Do others in the family know about it? I'm sorry- can you establish contact with her doctor?
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'd pull out my birth certificate and show her. ;) lol

    I hope she's not living alone. Sounds like the memory issues are getting pretty bad. Although, usually they don't have trouble remembering the things in the past. It's mostly recent memories.

    Any chance of a small stroke?

  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Well, you mean your sure you know your name? My mom calls these days to ask not quite that question but some that come close. Like about her parents. Oof.

    many hugs
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well, it's a good thing she's getting her will sorted out now, that's for sure! I'm sorry, though. I hope it's not a sign of more trouble to come.

    Sometimes my mom calls to tell me a story about something that happened to her a few days ago that she's already told me. I sometimes worry that she's losing it, too. And then I also think it's just because it's something she's either upset or anxious about, and so she's preoccupied and forgets that she's told me this stuff. My dad's got some chronic physical and mental health problems that are only getting worse, so I think that weighs heavily on her...

    But to forget the name of your own child... yeah, that's worrisome.

  7. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    It seems when she gets stressed, her memory starts acting all wonky. Most times I talk to her she is fine - a little depressed she is out in Ohio all alone. Its been quite an adjustment for her to say the least with my bro dying and her finding out sister in law was helping herself to her money and took every piece of jewelry my mother had, plus was trying to con her into giving sister in law power of attorny.

    I am probably going to bring her here for a visit sometime next year to see if she can handle actually living here (not worried about me - "I" plan on being heavily drugged). She is just absolutely wigging out over this money and how there will be none left for me with her paying 3,500 a month, despite my telling her I don't WANT or need any money - spend it on herself...sheesh.

    Not to mention SO is now stressed out over HIS mother - she seems to be losin it as well. He would like to bring her here and find someplace for her closeby. Told him not at my house cause I am plum out of bedrooms LOL

    Maybe we can stick the two moms into our bedroom/bath combo, and I will buy a Yurt for the backyard for he and I

  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I hear it's a buyer's market for Yurts right now...
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Love the yert idea.
    Marcie, my mom's definitely out there too. She remembers stories that she has transposed one of the 5 kids into. Some of the stories she has of me, i wasn't there. She argued about baby brother's graduation party from High school. Is adament and full of righteous indignation only to find she is wrong. The problem is that she is so convincing that I'm starting to question my memory.

    I hope your mom gets her estate settled. I understand their need to make sure everything is in place. Anyone who takes something from the elderly that isn't theirs should lose all their teeth and hair. It's criminal how some people(family and not family) prey on the elderly to take things from them. If it isn't given to you then it's theft. You s i l should be ashamed of herself.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Sometimes we worry about Alzheimer's when it's nothing quite so bad. Alzheimer's isn't forgetting where the keys are. It's forgetting what keys are for.
    Mind you, there can a lot of reasons for old people to seem to be 'losing it'. Sometimes it's stress, tiredness, medication issues (dosages often need to be adjusted because as we get older, medications affect us differently). And sometimes it's other problems such as TIAs (transient ischaemic attacks) or metabolic imbalances. A lot of these problems are manageable and/or treatable. And sometimes - it's just who they are these days.

    Sorry to hear she's been getting hassled by sister in law etc. Not good. It wouldn't be helping her stress levels one bit.

  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Marcie, your mom sounds like what we're going through with my mom right now. When she was here last month, my sister and I took her to a lawyer to have her sign a living will and also to make us power of attorney(s) over her health and financial affairs. Within hours she kept telling me, "We need to make you and your sister my power of attorney -you know, should anything happen to you". Well, Mom, it's happening right now. I can't tell you how many times she has brought it up again and again, at least 150 times, I swear, no exxageration. The other day she called me crying because she felt lonely and as she was talking my sister who lives nearby came in and asked who she was talking to. Mom asked, "Who is this? Who am I talking to?" "Er, Mom, it's me, JoG".

    She has stopped remembering who we are, if we have kids, what their names are; she even forgot that she lived in WV with my sister for 5 years.

    I totally feel for you and am sending you great big giant hugs to you and yours. It's not easy, but it helps if you can have a sense of humor about it. Also, a tip that the social worker gave us was: Do not ask mom if she remembers. Do not tell her "I already told you that" and just pretend that each time she asks the same question, act as if it is the first time, every time. She said that the elderly who are experiencing loss of memory become very anxious when we remind them we already talked about that. It's sad. I'm sorry you're going through this.
  12. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Its funny how she is just looping over and over again about the money and evil sister in law- I hear the story every time I talk to her. I told my aunt to take her to the attorney because her will had my bro and I on it - hes gone - and I think she would step into his place as heir if anything would happen to her. My bro had all of her money in his account and sister in law had access to it when he died - thankfully my aunt had come down and taken her to Ohio soon after he died, and then transferred the money up - my sister in law has put back some of it, but not all.

    Fran, your mom sounds a lot like my grandmother did - telling stories from the past with people inserted who were not even alive at the time - like me for instance. She always gets my name confused with my aunts and cousins - but having said that, at 57 I get the names confused with my own kids and the four legged kids as well LOL

    I would like to spend some quality time with her now that she isn' "feisty" (that was the kindest word I can think of) and seems to have forgotten (to say let go seems too much of a stretch) a lot of the past. Maybe the Peter Pan syndrome I had going with her, maybe we have reached a point where I DO get to grow up without rehasing my leaving at 17 everytime we were in the same room..sigh...

    I guess losing your memory over some things isn't all bad..

  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Marcie, I am so sorry.

    My dad and my cousin are like that.

    What I do is say "yes" to pretty much everything, and sometimes even put them in the car to go the atty's ofc, (or the bank, etc.) and halfway there, I'll say, "Hey, I'm in the mood for ice cream!" and I'll pull into a Dairy Queen. Bingo! They've forgotten it and everyone is happy again.

    (Sometimes it's a restaurant with-a bar. Hey, whatever works. My dad used to walk to the assisted living ctr garage and just LOOK at the car he used to be able to drive, and it made him feel better.)

    Whatever you do, don't argue. They remember the emotions but not the "why" behind them.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so very sorry. This hurts so badly. I hope you can get her to a doctor and get an overall checkup done to see what can be done to help her.

    At least none of you have an aunt who regularly MAKES UP stories about you and your family. She has so many "memories" that NEVER HAPPENED it gets to bothering me. Esp since they ALL make her out to be wonderful.

    Hugs to you and yours.