My son and his plot to kill

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Momof7, Aug 18, 2017.

  1. Momof7

    Momof7 New Member

    I am new here, yet haven't had the courage to post but have been reading many of your stories for the last year. This will be a long post, so please bear with me. I have 7 beautiful children, 4 by birth and 3 by adoption. My 17 year old son has always been different than the others. He has never in his life had a single friend, we've tried enrolling him in every sport and youth group known to man, yet he just never responds well. He has a Mensa level IQ and graduated high school at 16. I always just chalked the behavior up to Einstein syndrome, as we called it. So smart that he's socially awkward. His bio mom was a habitual drug and alcohol user and he suffered sexual abuse and horrible conditions during his first 8 years of life. He also was in kidney failure and a year ago, I donated mine, so he could live a normal life. He has a lengthy history of unusual behavior. Pathological lying, cheating, stealing, masterbating on peoples beds, urinating on siblings things, obsession with beheading videos, covering himself and walls with feces, exposing himself, sneaking in our room and watching us while we sleep .. the list goes on. He has been hospitalized for failure to take antirejection medications, catheter and behavior issues 6 times in the last 9 months. The last hospitalization prior to the current one, he unlocked the door to the pool and put his toddler brother and his toys outside and locked the door behind him. We told psychiatric doctors this and begged for inpatient help. Due to medical conditions, they couldn't find a residential facility to take him that insurance would cover. The doctors have called this a conduct disorder. The final straw was him telling us that he has urges to poison us and has made a concoction of antifreeze,food dye and other chemicals from his biochemistry lab that he conconctes so that he can "watch our eyes while we slowly die". He also has put bleach in the NyQuil, formaldehyde in the hot sauce. The only reason the antifreeze plot didn't work was because the fumes made him vomit. He has told the hospital psychiatrist this and is currently hospitalized for kidney issues for non compliance. The hospital can't find a facility to take him and chose to send him home knowing all this , with "intensive outpatient therapy". My husband made the decision to tell the hospital that he would not pick him up, as his is a danger to all the other children in the household. The hospital then called CPS who has filed suit against us for abandonment. They have assumed physical custody of him but can't find any placement for him. He is currently still at the hospital since they can't find a place to put him. We have court next week for the charges and have an attorney. The worst part is that if we allowed him to come home, knowing what we do, cps has every right to take our other minor children away for putting them in harms way. But if we don't bring him home, they charge us with abandonment. The entire system has failed us and we have a huge fight on our hands. We love all of our children and are trying everything we can to do what is right for everyone. Any advice you can give would be a huge help!
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I have no advice for you. Stick to your guns and threaten to Sue the hospital for releasing a minor who is a danger to others. Best of luck your son clearly needs in patient care.
  3. Momof7

    Momof7 New Member

    Thank you! That is exactly what our attorney has done. The hospital and CPS seem to be playing "hot potaoe" with him. We are good, upstanding citizens that are being treated as criminals because we want to protect everyone involved. We are terrified of our child, yet love him dearly and want him to get help even if it's just a small chance that he could get better. However, we can't allow him back in the home, knowing what we do. The hospital, insurance and CPS all keep trying to pawn him off on each other to avoid liability. CPS says they are trying to find a foster home for him. He needs mental help and while we are middle class, don't have the ability to pay 40,000 a month for residential treatment.
  4. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    I am so sorry you are going through this, your story illustrates absolutely everything that is wrong with our legal system as regards dangerous children and teens. You are absolutely right, you would be reported to CPS whether you took him home or not.

    Your attorney will have the best advice for you moving forward. How long until he is 18? Has there ever been any police involvement?

    If this was my family, we would look into somehow getting son eligible for Medicaid so the state would cover his care. Maybe his physical issues provide a window of opportunity to get him that coverage.

    Has he ever been on antipsychotic medications?
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  5. Coralchet1

    Coralchet1 Member

    The system is so messed up! We have parents that want to help the children, yet the system makes it more difficult in doing's like we're being punished for reaching out for help. It raises the question on how many families struggle in silence, because of the lack of understanding from agencies, due to the systems rules!
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  6. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Wow what a mess. I think a judge will side with you. But you will have to go thru the bs. He sounds scary. Cant you commit him to a state mental hospital?
  7. Momof7

    Momof7 New Member

    Thank you all so much for your support. There has never been police involvement, just multitudes of therapists and physicians. He can't get on Medicaid due to our income and the fact that he has had a successful kidney transplant and is no longer on dialysis. He turns 18 in 6 months. It's just not fathomable to me that an agency designed to help children are charging us with a crime. I have no doubt that we will win, but the hell they've put us through really blows my mind. There is not a medical facility in a 5 state radius that will take him due to the fact that his medicine schedule and the amount of times he has to catheter per day are beyond their medical expertise. He has been accepted into one facility, but insurance is still denying the claim. Hopefully now that he is in CPS custody, though they haven't picked him up from the hospital, he can get Medicaid through them and maybe they can find placement. We go to court on Monday for the allegations so I'll make sure to update as I know more.
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  8. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I don't know where you live... But Google SED waiver and the state you live in. We did not qualify for Medicaid based on income and the fact that we have insurance. But with the SED waiver, and her behavioral and mental health issues we did! It took about a month to get the insurance in our state,

    Was he adopted from the state foster care system?

    Would file a police report at every offense...running away, damage to property, threats, physical violence. You need to start a paper trail. Also keep a notebook and record all the incidents.

    I hope you can get the help you need. So sorry you are going thru this.

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  9. Momof7

    Momof7 New Member

    Thank you! I just looked into this, but we are in South Carolina and the waiver doesn't apply to anything he has. We have a huge documented history of all the occurrences as does the hospital and psychiatrists. In hindsight, I wish I had called the police instead of trying to deal with everything through the doctors and therapists, but I was only trying to protect my child from a criminal record. The signs have been there for years and I just kept making excuses for his behavior and trying to get him mental help. The scary thing is that the CPS worker in this case is brand new and didn't even have business cards. She took the report and met with us on a Thursday afternoon, told us she was going to a family function on Friday and wouldn't be back until Tuesday, so we would not hear from her until then. We gave her over 15 names and numbers of people to talk to that had witnessed his behavior as well as his physicians numbers and also informed her that the hospital was so concerned with his violent behavior that they had assigned a 24 hour sitter with him in his room the entire time he has been hospitalized both this time and the 21 days he was hospitalized two months ago. She never called a single person and the next thing I heard was on Tuesday morning that she was filing an ex parte order for abandonment and neglect and was I sure I wouldn't pick him up. The hearing was held without our knowledge 15 minutes later. I begged her to call our attorney and she wouldn't even take her name. I'm so distraught over this. I've never even had a speeding ticket and now I'm being charged with neglect and abandonment because he's told us and his doctors how he is going to kill us. I'm just completely devastated
  10. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hang in there this is truly a sad situation. I am hoping that the powers that be see the insanity in the system and find help for your son.
  11. nikinubs27

    nikinubs27 New Member

    I just put a post up pretty similar to yours, only when we were forced to pick our child up from a facility because the insurance company denied our 7 appeals to keep him there after he physically attacked me with a kitchen knife, found pictures of him ripping apart animals, and multiple threats to kill people including his entire family, we brought him home only to have him attack me again after 3 days. he punched my husband in the face and we kicked his ass out! I know that's horrible to say, but we told him he had to leave, right in front of the police officers. They didn't say a thing. He then called CPS on us, claiming abandonment, but when they came for their investigation, I showed them his files, and they understood that our 4 younger kids were not safe and neither were we. So the CPS caseworker actually wrote up our case closed letter saying that he was not allowed back in the house or with the family until he gets treatment. I am sorry you are going through this! It is super scary, and incredibly hard to have to keep your kids safe from your other kid, and pick and choose like that. Sometimes he still texts me, either he is happy and wants to brag about how great he is doing without us, which is typically a made up story - he always lies - or he is drunk and wants to fight with me.
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  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    CPS can really put you through the mill. Typically their case workers are brand new fresh out of college with no real world experience people. In my experience, they usually don't have kids and don't have a clue what parenting really is like. Especially parenting a truly difficult child like yours or like my oldest was.

    Trust your attorney to fight for you. I am assuming you have the sharkiest family law attorney you could find. Having the best lawyer really makes a difference. Those orders filed with only one side telling the judge what is going are garbage, in my opinion. When your attorney shows the judge exactly WHY you cannot take your son home, and how you have tried to find a place for him and how CPS has done NOTHING to help you, I think it will be different.

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  13. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry in how this story has unfolded and the unfairness of it all. Hang in there. You've done the best you could in a terrible situation.