Nature vs nurture

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Nomad, Dec 24, 2016.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    over the many years we've had this discussion those of us with adopted kids tend to feel that nature has a bigger influence than originally thought.

    We are together for the holidays. Breakfast today. We are all eating what we would like.
    Me: kale and spinach juice
    Husband: egg and coffee
    Son (bio) : Protein shake with a banana
    Daughter (adopted): large pizza and giant fancy coffee from McDonald's.

    She eats differently than us.

    Ok. I did read a fascinating study that what a mother eats while pregnant can often influence the tastes of the child . So if mom ate a lot of pizza while pregnant, maybe her unborn baby will crave pizza. I don't know.

    Our daughter is an adult and she has ZERO interest in ANY of our desires to eat healthy. She does however REALLY like it when we make a traditional sweet food for a holiday. She likes traditions which is lovely. But it is interesting that NONE of our other food ideas like avoiding heavy foods or trying to eat vegetables etc has influenced her even a little.

    She is obese and I'm worried.

    I've considered by pass surgery, but I understand those can be ruined if the person doesn't follow the rules. I've offered to pay for WW...she has little to no interest.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think nature.

    I do have things in common with my functional adopted kids but I believe it is coincidence.

    None of my kids share DNA and it is fascinating to see how different they all are.

    And my one DNA kid is less like me than the others. My three adopted kids are very close in spite different interests. Jumper is athletic, grounded and mature. Princess is emotional, creatively gifted and more needy. Sonic is sweei, a lover, and loved gaming, working and helping people.

    DNA son is materialistic (I am not), angry, unstable and addicted to videogames. He is brilliant and has a college level skill and pay job.

    Nomad, my own personal feelings about eating are that your daughters desire to lose weight needs to come from her. I think weight loss surgery requires serious psycogical services so that the doctor can determine if it is a procedure really wanted. After surgery you must not eat too much and have to work out. I also know somebody who got very sick from the procedure. It's not benign.

    I believe we need to stay out of our children's weight. If we don't they can develop anorexia, which can be fatal. I have overweight kids. They are young. I figure they have many years to decide to lose weight. Up to them. They know the good of losing weight but aren't ready.

    Nomad, kale makes me throw

    And some who are more vigilant than your husband may say eggs are unhealthy.

    Heck, talk to a vegan!

    I feel we all must decide on our own nutrition issues. We can't force somebody else to eat like we do.

    Merry Christmas!
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2016
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Lol re kale
    I put some pineapple and apple in it and juice it. Also use baby kale. I had regular kale once and didn't like it.

    Her lack of desire to lose weight is sad. I don't know if you saw it , but a friend just died of an obesity related illness and it both saddened me and shocked me.

    I find it amazing/interesting/etc how those of us with adopted kids understand more fully the great pull of NATURE
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I have wondered about this, too.

    I have a cousin in her 50s now, who was adopted at birth.

    The adoptive parents then had three bio-kids, the first born less than two years after the adoption, and the next a couple of years after that.

    They were raised in the same environment, ate the same foods, had the same opportunities, etc. yet, the adopted cousin has always been extremely overweight, while the parents and their three bio-kids were and always have been normal height/weight proportional.

    She is in a nursing home now, for rehabilitation after a stroke, and has had many, many health-related problems.

    I have never been privy to her eating habits, though I'm sure she must be overeating to maintain the extreme weight problem that she has, but I have also wondered if it could have a genetic base as well?

    Does the brain not tell some people when they are full? Do some people crave carbs more than others? I wonder if genetics plays more of a role than we even understand?
  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I like the raw kale/spinach mix that I mix into lettuce for salads. We eat salads most days, and my family have never noticed the difference.

    I haven't tried it in protein shakes. Is it good?
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    One of my daughters wrote a 20 or 30 page research paper for a high school anatomy class about bariatric surgery, years ago.

    There are many things that can go wrong, and you have to keep yourself on a restrictive diet for life. A person must be truly dedicated to make it work.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Predisposition to being heavy is inherited. Sonic is overweight and been to many doctors who have told me this.

    People die of obesity, smoking, anorexia, car accidents, drugs, drinking, meningitis, complications of mild illnesses etc.

    My uncle was a health nut who was also a runner. He got lewy body dementia and died.

    Our kids are young with many years to change their habits and get healthy. Us, well, we are older. Not so much time.

    I feel nature kicks nurture in its rear end. So do most of the parents who went to my adoptive parent group.

    I believe laziness is inherited. I'm serious. So is motivation and drive. in my opinion
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2016
  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I am obese. My mother was obese and my father wasn't, but he worked hard. My brother has always fought his weight, and often lost, that fight. I eat healthier than I was taught to, because mom grew up in the days when calories were burned off by hard work. But I still love those foods. Jabber comes from a family where 4 of his 5 sisters range from overweight to obese. His mom and dad are not. His brother is athletic and only a bit hefty. Luckily, most of the kids are slim. Nature has a lot to do with it. But I will say this, the worst way to get anyone to lose weight is to tell them they need to. She may never lose weight, but some day she may decide she's ready. Until then, offer healthy choices, don't keep lots of junk for her, try to get her to do healthy things; hikes, ball games, dancing, etc. Encourage, gently, when she shows any interest. But don't nag...that will make her worse.
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    AppleCori...I don't do protein shakes, our son does. I'm not sure what he uses exactly, but do know he adds fruit to them particularly bananas.

    I drink my fresh juice drink with kale, spinach , apple and pineapple frequently because I feel it helps my autoimmune conditions

    Our daughter eats crazy large portions. She gives us mixed signals re wanting to be in WW. She said she will need a lot more money for food. I said probAbly not since due to portion control she should be eating less. However, I would be willing to pick her up fresh and frozen vegetables plus WW TV dinners now and again to supplement her food supply. She said I was crazy.

    Both my husband and I are lifetime WW members.

    She ate a box of cereal in two days plus had additional breakfast food both days. So, one half a box of cereal with milk plus other food items per day for breakfast. She got VERY angry when my husband pointed out to her that WW was largely about portion control. This portion control concept seems to anger her.

    We had a VERY difficult Xmas with Difficult Child overall. For some reason Xmas is always difficult with her. Always. Pushing thirty years of very difficult Xmas days. Thirty. 30. I found myself crying yesterday...tears just flowing from my eyes. She was very very unkind and irrational, even mean to our dog.

    Our son and his family were great including our four year old grandson who seem to have more self control than her. Daughter is approaching thirty.

    She was worse than usual complaining non stop, negative, strange, argumentative etc. in one or two hours she might utter twenty negative comments:example...this restaurant is terrible, this parking lot stinks, I saw a fly in the store, your store bought cookies are dumb, this shirt is ugly, I don't feel well, the weather is terrible, he is dumb, I hate my brother.,,,It's exhausting!

    I might post about it later.
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2016
  10. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Frankly, Nomad, I wouldn't want her around at Christmas. I don't have time for all that negativity. It sounds like she was spending the night with you. What if you only invited her over for one meal and then you didn't discuss any of her dietary choices with her? What if you made a huge effort to have a short but positive interaction with her? She'd probably still spout off all her negative comments, but if you kept it to a short time frame perhaps it would be easier to cope for you.

    Within the past 6 years, I dropped two friends who were huge Debbie downers. I've been friends with one of them my whole life and the other for over 10 years. They live together. I noticed that every single time I spoke to them, they were doing worse. A long, slow, downward spiral of intense negativity. I couldn't handle it anymore. I still love them and wish them well, but I can no longer have them in my life.
  11. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    on the eating front...when pregnant with son ate extremely healthy....fruits, veggies etc. He now loves junk food with lots of sugar. Could be the medications he is on.
    With daughter while pregnant craved salt and ate junk...drank lots of pop, salt and vinegar potato chips and bacon etc. She is now a health nut. Go figure! lol