Need advice & help for my son (12yrs) with ODD

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Vickie Green, Mar 1, 2018.

  1. Vickie Green

    Vickie Green New Member

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Can you elaborate?
     
  3. Vickie Green

    Vickie Green New Member

    irregardless of the issue the school's answer is to suspend my son
    Basically we're looking for any advice or help referring us to an advocate of some sort because because no matter what the issue is whenever he's called into the office he ended up suspended. On Tuesday we happen to be there for his IEP renewal when an accusation was made against my son so we all end up in the vice principal's office where she starts screaming at him how wrong he is and we asked her what is happening now let's get his side of it let's see what's going on she asked him if he said that comment that was stated that he said that every time he tried to answer her she screamed over him calling him a liar. Within a matter of minutes our son was on the verge of tears and we were taking him home early for the day he was so upset over the ordeal he had bad dreams all night ended up physically ill so we did not make him go to school yesterday when we showed up to take him to school this morning we were met by the superintendent and the vice principal and told that he was not allowed to attend school until after we had a meeting on Monday morning to discuss whether or not they feel he's a danger himself or others. We are extremely frustrated and just really feel lost
     
  4. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Sounds like your child already has an IEP. Given the seriousness of the situation, your best course of action is to contact your state board of education and request that they refer you to a free advocate for families of students with special needs. As I understand it most states offer such a service.

    It seems from what you say that they are building a case to send him to an alternative school. If he has an IEP they cannot simply expel him, they must provide him with his education, although they do not have to do so in the local school building.

    You are part of the IEP team, but all decisions are majority rule. That being said if you disagree with a placement decision you would be able to exercise your rights by filing a due process claim.

    A good advocate will be able to help you understand the situation from all points of view, and make the best decision for your child.

    I would also add that if the scene in the vice principal's office went down as you say, that clearly they were out of line in treating your child so unprofessionally. I'd write down, word for word, as much as you recall of exactly what was said and to whom, and share that information with the advocate.

    Keep us posted and best of luck. You may wish to change your user name to something that cannot identify you.
     
  5. Vickie Green

    Vickie Green New Member

    Thank you very much that is very helpful
     
  6. ahhjeez

    ahhjeez Member

    The meeting does sound incredibly unprofessional. My son was on an IEP his entire school career and for several years we did have an advocate and I have to say she was incredible. I would recommend, if you can, getting an advocate to go with you to future meetings. I think there may even be low cost or free options for advocacy as well if you search them out. Good luck. : )
     
  7. Vickie Green

    Vickie Green New Member

     
  8. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I am a retired teacher and agree that the principal was out of line.
     
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  9. Vickie Green

    Vickie Green New Member

    Thank you for your help...
    We are waiting to hear back from a couple places regarding an advocate.
     
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If your are ever in a place with a principal or school representative who is screaming, do anything you can to quietly an unobtrusively get your phone out and record what is going on!!!! The screaming alone would give you a GREAT case for the newspapers, which means a LAWYER would LOVE to make a case of it. This means the superintendent would probably bend over backward to get what you want for you.

    I was able to document that a Special Education teacher changed my child's IEP and forged my initials and signature on it. Other parents were suing our district for this teacher's actions with their children. I had a HUGE smoking gun in my hands, and the school did NOT want me to use it. I agreed not to sue, with their written agreement to give any of my children anything I wanted. I had a number of teachers and principals upset because if I couldn't get them to see reason, and I did try to be reasonable to a point, I would call the superindent of schools. Usually his secretary would say "Oh, Hi Susie, who do I tell to give you what you asked them for six times this time?" She knew I did it as a last resort, but I would do it. We had gotten to know each other when I brought her cookies. I knew she would end up with the work, and getting her on my side would be the big battle.

    Document when you find them acting irrationally. If your son had a cell phone, maybe he can wear cargo shorts and set it to record at the touch of a button and learn to ONLY press this when he is being actually yelled at. Not talked to, but YELLED at. Otherwise get a small voice recorder for him to carry and have him record them yelling at him on this. Then listen to it and see how they treated him. If they are out of line, and it sounds like they are, go directly to the superintendent of schools and tell him that there is a HUGE problem. Tell him that you want a solution and you want one NOW. You have a traumatized child and you want the adults involved AWAY from your child and any other child. You are prepared to let the media have a copy of the recording if he is not prepared to help your child. If this was recorded ONCE, who knows how often it has happened to YOUR son, or to other children. How many parents does he want to deal with? Do you need to go and get an attorney and file a lawsuit for your son's emotional damages and his educational damages as he is terrified each time he goes to school and it is impacting his education negatively? How does the superintendent want this to play out, and how publicly does he want it to play out?

    You could call the superintendent tomorrow wanting to know why a vice principal would be screaming at a Special Education child and his parents for any reason. You got your child out of the school to let things cool down, but the administrator did NOT handle things in an appropriate manner. I don't think it will go anywhere without proof. This administrator has likely done this to MANY kids and has got a lot of paperwork to back himself or herself up. Chances are that a change of placement might be good. IF nothing else, at least your child won't have to deal with that person. Let your son know that if ANY school employee EVER raises a voice to him again, he needs to tell you when he gets home, even if he is suspended.

    I can promise that my son was only yelled at across a gym class or field and he was NOT an easy child. He once used a staple gun to shoot staples at another child. That was a MINOR incident. The teacher ended up in trouble, not my son. Because who hands a staple gun to a junior high boy and does not expect that behavior? That is why staple guns are not standard equipment for junior highs. WHich the teacher learned when I brought this to the superintendent's attention. Of course MY son was upset because he didn't get in school suspension. He liked ISS because it was quiet and he got to read books and no one talked to him. Which was why I had them take him out of ISS. It is not a good thing to shoot someone with a staple gun even if you are a junior high school boy. I was his mother after all. I was glad that our superintendent's comment was "Who hands a staple gun to a junior high school boy and doesn't expect that?" when I told him what happened!

    Can I ask why your son has an IEP and what type of doctor diagnosed him? What type of testing was done to reach this diagnosis? How is he being treated for his problems? What school accommodations are being made in his IEP?
     
  11. Dory

    Dory Member

    I am not an expert,or even educated on paper.
    Just experienced with being a mum.
    Be sure your son has been diagnosed as best as he can be.
    This is key to his future and yours.
    life is full of so many people just thinking about their outcome.
    Give as best you can.
    Give yourself time to charge your batteries,
    Except what you have been felt,
    Don't let negative toxic people suck you dry.
    Some things you just can't change,
    I would love to meet your son.
     
  12. Vickie Green

    Vickie Green New Member

    Thank You all for your advice & helpful insights...
    Our son is now being homeschooled for the remainder of the school year.