need some advice on babygirl

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by saving grace, Oct 26, 2007.

  1. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    I cant believe I am actually posting about my precious perfect babygirl. I have been noticing some strange behaviour in her lately that is hard to explain its just not her, if you know what I mean.
    She is very involved in activities that keep her busy most everyday and she goes to kindergarten full day 5 days a week.
    She gets very awkward and shy when around people, adults and her peers, she will make faces or talk in a funny baby voice, it almost looks like she is embarassed or something.
    She has started crying about going to her activities, at first it was her cheering and I thought it was because it is the end of the season and it has been very time consuming, I thought it was too much but then it was dance, and now Daisy's which I thought she loved. Dance and Cheer are loud and there is alot going on, so at first I thought it was that because she doesnt really like to be overwhelmed, but now Daisy's?? it is the complete opposite very quiet and calm only 10 girls. She cried about going to gym class in school too. She has never ever been like this. I also notice that when she doesnt know I am watching her she doesnt really smile alot while she is at places where she should be having a great time for a 5 year old, like parties or fairs etc..
    Then today to confuse me even more 3 Moms told me that she kissed the their sons on the mouth and cheek and told them she loved them!! Well so much for being shy.
    At home she seems fine mostly, she will sing and dance and play but other times she just wants to watch tv, I figure that is normal right?? When she plays with a playdate at the house they always end up fighting, someone always has to be the boss or the rule maker if you will, her feelings always gets hurt she says.

    Am I making way too much of this? It just seems out of character for her. Why is she crying so much about doing fun things??

    I would love some thoughts on this

  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Will she talk about it?

    You put so much into one note, I'm sure you've telescoped her schedule, but it sounds like you've packed an awful lot of activities in there for her!

    I did the same thing with-my daughter. When she was 4, I signed her up for everything on the planet. She was mostly okay with-it, but *I* got overloaded and stressed out. She was very verbal and told me flat out that she wanted to just stay home and chill out more often. That helped a lot!

    At 5, kids can imitate pretty well, so perhaps that's the reason for the kissing ... but the sudden change in her behavior and the assertiveness/aggressiveness in regard to kissing make me wonder if someone didn't do the same to her at one time?

    How much sleep is she getting?

    I think, given her busy schedule, that staying home and watching TV, assuming it is age appropriate cartoons, is a good idea.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I do not think you are making too much of this, it would concern me also. Has anything changed in your life recently to upset her? Did anything happen anywhere (cheer or daisies or school) to her? I hope all ends well.
  4. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    When I ask her she just says "I dont know" or "its fine" I dont think she knows how to verbalize what she is feeling. I am not sure if anything specific happened to make her not want to go but that would be something would have had to happen at all activities she has complained about them all.

    I cant imagine anyone kissing her inappropriately, she is always with me or I am always nearby her activities I dont know when it could have happened.

    Cheering ends in 2 weeks, that will leave Dance and Daisy's one day a week each. She will have alot of free time, she has a good amount now which is why I keep her busy, she is basically an only child, my son is 21. I think she gets lonely.

  5. ShakinThingzUp

    ShakinThingzUp New Member

    Beginning Kindergarten is a big step for kids. They get excited & have no idea what to expect.... they just know its all new and exciting and it consumes them.... a whole range of new things are being thrown at them every day.

    Assuming she just started school a few months ago, I would wonder more about how she may be doing in school than anything else.

    School may be making her more tired than normal - she may need more sleep or less activity because she's just getting accustomed to longer days, etc.

    I would also talk with her teacher about what you have noticed - does she act tired or sleepy in school? Is she having any problems keeping up in class?

    Kids are expected to know so much when they enter Kindergarten now, and sometimes it is too easy to feel overwhelmed - even when they DO know all that stuff. The smartest kids can get overwhelmed by kindergarten.

    The possibilities of what could make her more tired or sad that are associated with the first few months of school EVER are endless...

    haing trouble making friends at school?
    good friends not in her class?
    not like the teacher?
    feel sad not to have you with her during school?
    not understand what the teacher is saying or doing in class?
    someone picking on her all the time in class or playground?

    Sometimes, at 5 they don't even remember that those things happened, it just changes the way they "feel" about everything and they don't know why.

    I'd talk to her teacher, and stay in touch.
    And don't worry - you're doing everything you can.

    God Bless!
  6. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    I agree with Terry & crazymama about the possibility someone has made her uncomfortable. That much of a drastic change is enough to confirm you are not wrong to worry. Does she have a counselor she could speak with? Most county attorney office's have a child advocate counselor they use, they might be able to refer you to somebody in your area.

    This could be just an "overload" of things for her. I certainly would look into all possibilities. Definately talk with the school to see if there are noticeable changes there as well.

    I would start a journal and document the changes you see daily in her. It might help figure it out if you can step back and look at things from a different view.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    The kissing could just be mimicking behavior.

    She sounds as if she's overwhelmed with too many fun activities. Or else I'd look to see if there is a common child amongst the kids in these activities who might be making them less pleasant or uncomfortable for her.

    If it's not another child ect, I'd begin by dropping an activity at a time. Give it a week or so to see how she adjusts. If she's still overwhelmed, drop another one. It may be she can only handle one extra activity.

    Nichole was left so exhausted after kindergarden she'd come home and sleep for 3 hrs. :sleeping:

  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    She could be moody.
    She could be sad about something.
    Something may have happened that disturbed her. Could be a news story, something overheard anywhere, a fight, sirens, a nightmare, etc.

    I think it is important that you assure her she can tell you anything. That if anyone has done anything inappropriate it is OK for her to tell you even if they threatened to hurt you, her mom. That you have the power to make it stop and you would make sure it did. Unfortunately you have to ask her specifically about step-dad and grandpa and uncle 'bob', etc. So that she knows it does not matter who it is, she can still come to you to make it stop and no harm will come to you.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If it were my child, knowing what I know now, rather than letting some strange behaviors slip by (and I do feel they are strange for her age), I'd have a neuropsychologist evaluation done. She has a few red flags for a few disorders, and I'd want to check it out with a professional rather than assume they will get better. The kissing could be that her social skills are poor--by five most kids are not going around kissing strange boys on the lips. I would definitely want to see if anything is up. You can find NeuroPsychs at Children's and University Hospitals.
    How was her early development? Did she talk on time? Talk very early and show an interest in letters and numbers? Make good eye contact? Interact well with peers (hard to judge in one so young). Is she capable of using the language that she has to tell a connected story or express her feelings in words?
    It could be nothing, but my motto has always been "better to be safe than sorry." Early intervention is so important. Good luck!
  10. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Midwest, She was very engaging at a very young age, talking sentences at about 14 months, humming the alphabet at 1, knowing and recognizing her letters and numbers by 2, she had always been very imaginative, making up games and songs, dances etc.. which she will still do at home. The teacher has told me she is one of the more advanced in the class, I have not spoken to her about behaviours but she has told me she is good in class never a problem. When I mention this to friends that know her they look at me like I have 3 heads, they dont see it but then when I point out certain things they say " oh I see it but that could be nothing" But I am her mother and I know whats normal and whats not.
    the boys are not strange per se they are in her class, she knows them socially.

  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My daughter was talking in full sentences at an early age (14 months is very early to be talking in full sentences), recognized her letters and numbers young and is very imaginative and creative. She has always had (still does) an advanced vocabulary. When she was 2, it was like talking to a 40 year old.

    When she was 5, I enrolled her in a recreational gymnastics class. They pulled her aside at the first class and told me they want her in competitive gymnastics. You could have knocked me over with a feather. This child could fall down standing still.

    For all of these abilities, she has no feelings words. She is unable to express how she is feeling so everything is either just good or bad, mean or nice, etc.

    My point is that it's more than just the ability to put words together into a sentence. It's also about the ability to communicate one's feelings and needs.

    All that aside, if you feel there is something 'not right' have it checked out. It could be a lot of things that are basically benign, but it never hurts to be sure.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Your instincts are telling you something is wrong. LISTEN to them. Your insticts as a mom are very powerful and on the nose every time. Don't brush this off, get the child some help.

    She does have some red flags. I think it could very possibly be that she does not know how to identify what she is feeling in words, so that is causing problems. I doubt if that is the end of it though.

    Get the child the help your instincts are telling you she needs. Don't let your head (the 'its a phase' part) or your heart (she's my baby, nothing can be wrong part) be barriers to letting your child have the help she needs to grow and be strong and healthy.

  13. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    A lot of children undergo a change in their ability to handle extra activities when they start kindergarten. It's really best to pull back the reins, get them settled into school, and then add on activities as they are able to handle them. Observe closely how little things like the activity schedule can make a huge difference, even in years to come. For instance this is my daughter's 5th year in ballet but this year she's having a harder time because the rehearsals were bumped an hour later and we don't pull out of there until 7:40. For what it's worth, my difficult child needs huge amounts of downtime to maintain at home to maintain his emotional wellbeing so he doesn't do any extra activities during the school year with the exception of on after school club.

    I also agree that some of the other things that you are seeing bear watching. Being social doesn't mean being socially appropriate and often differences that weren't apparent in preschool become more obvious when the child hits school. If a child is struggling social or with other issues such as sensory overload due to noises, events such as birthday parties or school parties become unbearably difficult. We need to totally switch off our "this should be fun" mommy monitors and really tune in to how they are enjoying it, then adjust accordingly.