Need some help understanding my 7 yo son

[because_I_said_so]

Hi. I'm new here. I have 4 kids, I'm a stay at home mom and my older 2 are home schooled.

I just need some help figuring out my son. Is this normal?

Today he had a melt down and told me he wished he was dead and he hated his life. This started because we were playing jump rope on the back yard and he couldn't do it straight away. This talk was a first for him. He has had melt downs before (hundreds) and can be a handle full but honestly he is well behaved, sweet and generally "nice" compared to other boys I have seen and spent time with. He has said "I hate you" and other mean things before but wanting to be dead was new. I calmed him down, reassured him I would be very upset if he was dead, it takes time to learn new things and he was good at other things. But it was still a little upsetting to hear him say he wished he was dead.

Is this because of some thing I've done, an age thing, a personality thing or is it for attention?

Thank you for any advice and help.

 

[SuZir]

My guess bit of age thing and mostly personality thing. Sounds a bit like his a big feeler, has a bent for dramatics and may have some perfectionism issues. Those are personality issues and cause often anxiety issues. And age he is, can be challenging, because expectations get so much bigger around that age. You are supposed to go from small kid to big k8id and that can be overwhelming.

Depending on what other problems he may have (how is he socially with same aged, same sex peers? That is huge. How does he relate to his younger sisters? How is he academically? Any motor function or sensory issues?) you may want to consider having him an appointment with your paediatrician to talk about if you would need to have him evaluated further. Or if this kind of talk becomes more common.

Other than that, try to create him lots and lots of opportunities to have to try something new, maybe train a little and succeed and use lots of positive enforcement to keep him trying. Persistent trying is a skill and can be learned. And it is very valuable skill to have. And helps to build self-confidence like nothing.

 

[BusynMember]

How old is he and was this the first time he did anything like this? Really, if this is the first time, or if it is infrequent, I wouldn't worry too much.

 

[Malika]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am a little confused by two things that you say - firstly that your son has had hundreds of meltdowns and can be a handful, and secondly that he is well-behaved, sweet and nice. Now, I understand all too well what it is to have a Jekyll and Hyde for a child, but then my son is ADHD. In my experience of children my son's age in England, France and Morocco, they do not have hundreds of meltdowns. I also would be surprised by a child saying he wished he were dead over such an issue.

I'm not so sure that there is nothing going on for your boy. But really diagnosis over the internet is useless. None of us can know from afar. Is there anything else you might feel is relevant?

 

[Confused]

Sorry to hear your going thru this and my 7 year old has also started saying he's going to die in his sleep, he wants to kill himself My son does have ADHD, Sleep Issues and maybe other issues- still testing. I know some kids say this and don't mean it, its just a phase, something harsh to say, attention yes,we should still keep an eye out.

But esp with kids any type of mental illness or even possibility of it, it can be a sign. Its something we have to keep even more of an eye on. As others have said, go over every thing even little and big since he was born, and really go over any triggers. Your other kids, how are they?

 

[BusynMember]

Sorry, I missed that he has had hundreds of meltdowns. If so, and you live in the US, I would take him to a neuropsychologist. I wouldn't do it because of what he says, but because he obviously can not control himself when he is upset and the better you know what is going on with him, the better you can help him. In your state, are you able to get free interventions from school even if he is being homeschooled? Sometimes it is best for our differently wired kids to have contact with the school because they offer free interventions that we don't have access to on our own.

It would also help if you could give us a background of his history. Good luck, whatever you decide to do

 

[SuZir]

I too am little curious of what you mean about hundreds of meltdowns? In his lifetime? Any self-respecting two and half-year-old can work up to ten meltdowns the day, when they put their mind into it, so if most of his meltdowns are when he was younger, it is not that troubling.

But what do you mean by 'meltdown'? Crying, screaming, slamming doors, nasty words, breaking things or physical violence? And how often does he has meltdowns now that he is seven and how bad they typically are? Those are the important questions. Frequency of temper tantrums is much about the personality traits, but if child can not control themselves at all during the meltdown, it is troubling. There is for example world of difference on punching a hole to the wall and punching a pillow. First one shows lack of control, second one can be just a sign of quick temper.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Age 7. LOADS of possibilities here, and some have already been touched on.
Have you considered the quality of his sleep? not just how many hours he spends in bed with his eyes closed, but whether or not he awakes rested and refreshed. Lack of quality sleep will almost always cause significant behavior problems... these may be on top of other problems, or it may be THE problem. But that's the first place I'd be looking.

 

[because_I_said_so]

Thank you everyone for the replies.
Sorry for the lack of info.
By meltdowns I do mean in his life time (so 7 years). He was the type of 3 year old that would cry if his plate was the wrong colour so he had many. Meltdowns for DS can be anything from crying to throwing things. Normally he is just a loud energetic 7 year old boy. He has a temper which results in him screaming and the odd "extreme" tantrum ending in throwing and hitting.
The sleep thing made me think. He shares a room with his 1.5 year old sister who is being a little "annoying" at bedtime and waking often at the moment. I take her out as soon as I hear her but she would still wake him. The last few weeks DS has been getting up a little early. I'll have to look into his sleep and see if he is just over tired and see how to help him sleep a little better, he likes sleep so even an earlier bedtime might be needed until his sister is sleeping better..