need support...new and wobbly, lol please re:child

[mawme25]

:ill:I am new here today, i have a very difficult child age 12, however its been about 5 years of a gradual upswing of hard
to deal with defiance issue, i know it started when she was little with little things, like panic to cross the street if
it wasnt the way she wanted to go and bursts of defiance at any kind of change or anything she saw as not the right way to do something, she is an excellent student at school, yet we all go thru exhaustion as she has to meet all expectations she sets for herself, to the point now of her being impossible and cruel..

i have had enough, i love her so much however, because of this love and for my self and other children, we gotta get to the bottom of this, she refuses to go to the doctor or even counseling, to the point of down right running away from the car
screaming bloody murder,. gee but soon as she feels comfortable again without fear she calms right down into a soft person, but
when she has her menses, just started, oh my gosh, i am praying
and hoping this will be a good place to start finding solutions

thanks much
God bless you all as well
this is the first step in a journey of ??????miles, here i go
hit send, step 1..God i hope this is the right ladder to climb
_________________________

 

[oceans]

Have you been to a psychologist at all and is there any kind of diagnoses? This is the first step I would take. It sounds like she might be dealing with some anxiety issues perhaps. It sounds like you are having difficulty getting her to the DR. Have you tried offering her something she wants if she can be successful to getting to the Dr? You might need to come up with some strategies, because it will be difficult to get help if you can't get her over there. Once you have an idea of what she is dealing with, it might be that she needs either medication or special interventions and therapy. Would she go to a group based therapy with kids her own age?

 

[busywend]

Welcome Mawme!!! Glad you found us. I agree there could be some anxiety issues or possible Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Sounds like she thinks a bit different than the average child. That is how I thought about mine. Sometimes it felt as if she was purposefully trying to annoy me or make me mad or even hurt me emotionally. But, I realized that was not the case, she just thought about things differently than me.

I would recommend seeing a neuropsychologist doctor to evaluate your daughter. I went the primary care doctor route at first and it was always ADHD. I knew there was more to it. Everytime I went back saying the medications did not help with some things they just wanted to increase the dosage. UGH! I finally went to a children's hospital and asked for an evaluation there. They recommended a neuropsychologist to me and I finally got a diagnosis that made sense.

 

[kris]

it certainly does sound like there could be some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) & anxiety going on with-your daughter.

a trip to a psychologist who is well educated in these areas would be in order....and yes, there are therapists & clinic that specialize in both. i think i would start there.

my guess is that her oppositional behaviors will greatly reduce once the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)/anxiety are brought under control.

kris

 

[Wiped Out]

Welcome Mawme,
I agree with the others that she needs to be evaluated. I know that isn't easy if she is running from the car but still important that she be seen. You have found a place of great support-glad you found us.

 

[mawme25]

this is very good, i have the perfect thing we talked about something she really wants today, i told her if she behaved well
due to her good school work, we would see about the glamour shots photo shoot in the mall she wanted, i am so happy to have found this site, i have to reach out, but as a single mom and more than just my 12 year old invovled its so sensitive private and touchy, but last night, i drew the line, no vioence into our
home, i am single and have worked over trmedous amounts of hurdles to keep violence out and away from my children with
so much sacrafice, so its important that what was worked so hard
for is never lost, please know you are forever in my prayers,
i feel so hopeful right now, more so than ever its like this
place was what was needed for a long time, i was afraid , and i am not now, it doesnt seems as impossible, thanks so much
i have 5 children , i never saw anything like this before i dont think in a child, with such good grades and ability to cope in
school and with others, i know she comes home and releases lots of pressure from holding in her problems..anway, thanks again

 

[mawme25]

im going to make her and i an appointment today

if she doesnt know the place and why we are going
like as if she is going to an appointment for me
what advice on this idea\
and then inside let her know if she goes thru with it
something sweet come her way
this might work i think at least for office staff to see what i mean
if she wont come in, wow

you are all great, the pouring out of advice, all great
and gets me in the mood to overcome anything

i have overcome some many things, but this one
it has been a wobbly destructive pattern
and involves the closest parts of the emotions and heart
dont ya know

yes im sure you all know

thanks so much
God bless and thanks again

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there and welcome. in my opinion, it sounds like the type of anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behavior associated with high functioning autism. These kids are very inflexible, can't handle change, and it alone can cause rages. Rather than guessing, I'd take him to a neuropsychologist for intensive testing. I have a kid on the high end of the autism spectrum, and he used to FREAK and RAGE if anything was even changed in his room or if we went somewhere and didn't go "the way you're supposed to go" etc. Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be, and often are, just part of the Spectrum and it can get A LOT better with the right interventions. The defiance is often due to extreme frustration and fear, which, again, in an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid is part and parcel of the disorder. A neuropsychologist does intensive testing, unlike a regular psycologist, and has extra training in the brain, unlike a regular psycologist. Even Psychiatrists missed my son's high functioning autism. I suggest reading about Aspergers Syndrome. Did your child either have speech delays or very early precocious speech? Sensitive to sounds, touch, foods, or anything else? Does she like to memorize things? Have focused, intensive interests in, say, one or two topics? How are her social skills. Do kids think of her as a "geek? (smart and adult-like, adult vocabulary?) Even if it turns out she doesn't have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), NeuroPsychs do the most intensive testing of any professionals, and can point you in the right direction.

 

[mawme25]

Joshua 1:19 Be strong and courageous for the Lord Our God is with you wherever you go...


sound great now, well we will see, thanks for encouraging me
i hope this will be a long friendship ..

i will also mention this website on my Godspeople.inJesus.com
ministry website its worldwide, online type of unity, mostly those who were once catholic or once in a church and had been
either hurt or misguided or are just afraid of world churches
good people all of the members

well there goes the alarm we are in southern california, i dont want her to read these just yet

ps- is it wise for the child to even know of a support like this for the parent
any advice on this..also
thanks

 

[timer lady]

Welcome to CD board. I hope you can find help for your difficult child.

by the way, if you could tone down the religious references just a bit it would be appreciated. We're a community of parents with many backgrounds & beliefs. Our commonality is the need for resources & answers for our challenging children.

Again, welcome - hope we can help you find answers.

 

[hearts and roses]

im going to make her and i an appointment today

if she doesnt know the place and why we are going
like as if she is going to an appointment for me
what advice on this idea\
and then inside let her know if she goes thru with it
something sweet come her way
this might work i think at least for office staff to see what i mean if she wont come in, wow

Hi and welcome~ I know it's tempting to withhold this information from her, especially since she is so oppositional about seeing a DR. However, I don't think tricking her is the way to get her there. What happens when she has to go back? I mean, how many times do you think she is going to fall for that? Know what I mean??

Have you ever asked her how her outbursts and meltdowns make her feel? Has she ever talked about how stressful they are for HER? How they make her doubt herself or perhaps make her feel like she may be crazy and out of control? Wile we were trying to convince my easy child to get counseling, which she was very much against, we had some talks about how her panic attacks and anxiety made HER feel rather than how they affected the rest of the family BEFORE we took her to the DR. Once she was able to see that finding out what was going on and getting to the ROOT of the problem, she was more open to the idea of seeing the DR and being evaluated. At that time, my difficult child was in a really bad place and I think easy child was afraid that she was going to wind up on all sorts of medications, etc. We finally got easy child in to see the DR 3 separate times. She was evaluated and given an anti-anxiety medication for about 3 weeks; a sleep aid for when needed, and it was suggested that she be placed on birth control pills to help with her severe mooods around her period. It was enough and the rest was monitored by her GYN for about a year. easy child no longer has to take anything - except the birth control pills and an occasional ambien for sleep (hardly ever-she's at college now and sometimes sleep is hard to come by). In the interim, we practiced some deep breathing and visualization at home for her anxiety and panic attacks. She saw a counselor 3 times and refused to go back and promised to work on this on her own, which she did (**my difficult child could never have done this). easy child can talk herself out of an anxiety attack now, most of the time.

I think by discussing her behaviors without the fear of seeing a DR, (perhaps daughter-difficult child could jot down some of what she's feeling on paper) she may feel more confortable realizing that you're not bringing her to the DR as a THREAT but moreso as a means to help her move forward and be more calmer and happier with herself.

We had a real hard time getting difficult child to realize that we weren't trying to 'fix' her, but rather, we were trying to help her learn ways to help herself cope better. It changed her perspective of mental health DR's - really.

There are many ways to reduce stress and anxiety in the home, but the first step is to see where all this is coming from for daughter-difficult child. I commend you in seeking help and really hope that you can get your daughter to the DR without a big-to-do.

Gentle hugs and keep posted.

 

[busywend]

I agree with Timer Lady. It is good to have your beliefs, but there is a line that can be crossed where members feel as if they are being preached to or having it forced upon them and we do not allow that here.

I have a suggestion for your psychiatrist appointments. See if psychiatrist will come out to the car for a session. Mine would.
It happens and a good psychiatrist knows this.