Need support

[Zerissenheit]

So we just joined the "had to call 911" club, and it sucks. 17 yo difficult child (suspected FASD, low IQ) has cuts all up and down his arms, had been hiding a knife in his room since we took away electronics. I'm sitting in the hospital now. psychiatrist says she wants to keep him overnight because he's suicidal. difficult child is furious with us and says he won't talk to us for months. He'll be transferred to a psychiatric ward for a full evaluation. So ... What do we do when he comes back home? I assume he'll be on medications.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I'm so sorry, the weekends are slow around here, so members aren't here to read your post, I just saw it and want you to know I read it and will be saying a prayer for you and your son and your family.

This is not my area of expertise so I don't have any words of wisdom for you, just another mom with a wounded heart reaching out to you as you go through this terrible moment in your life.

When you go home and he is left in the hospital, make sure you and your husband take good care of yourselves, this is an exhausting and scary experience and you'll need your strength..........find support for yourselves and support each other.

Others will likely be around later or tomorrow. In the meantime, hang in there, take deep breaths. I'm sending you good thoughts and hugs too.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there. I have three adopted kids and did foster care and am familiar with alcohol effects a bit. I have one adopted son who probably has autism because his b-mother abused drugs and alcohol. He's lucky he didn't get the full spectrum.

If your child actually has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and all the cognitive deficets that go along with it, it may be a good idea to check around for residential treatment so that he can be watched 24/7. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is difficult to deal with. It is actual brain damage, as I'm sure you know, and they often can not retain things day-to-day. They do not have good control of their impulses either. Is he adopted? Could he maybe have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) too?

My best suggestion is to be thankful that he is in a safe place for now and going to another safe place and talk to his doctor about every option available for him. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is not a mental health issue though. He may need lifelong watching after, and you can find supports that will do that for him. This is definitely NOT your fault and for now I'd make sure you take good care of yourself and try to relax. You have some "down" time at this point.

Think about if you want him to come back home. Is he ok at home? Gentle? Kind? Destructive? Dangerous? Only you can mull over it and decide what to do. Do you have other kids who are afraid of him? Animals he abuses?

You are in a bad place right now and I am so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. I would call Social Services to get help as soon as you can on Monday morning.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Zerissenheit, you chose a perfect name for your mommy heart! Our daughter, who spent her first 9 months in a Russian orphanage, was a secret cutter. After she opened her arm so deeply that she needed 12 stitches, she could no longer hide it. She spent 9 days in a psychiatric unit. We were so shocked, it still makes me sick to remember those days. When she came home we had our son take her door off the hinges so that we could monitor her actions. I had to check her body daily to make sure she wasn't doing it anymore. That was 3 years ago. I still haven't been able to get the blood stains out of her mattress. Many hugs coming your way. One day this will be in the past and your family pain will be lighter.

 

[jugey]

I'm so sorry! No advice to offer....just my thoughts and good wishes. It would really suck to join that club! I hope he's okay and this event is a turning point for him and your family. Take care.


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[Zerissenheit]

Thanks for the words of support, I really appreciate it. He's now in a psychiatric facility and we'll be going to meet with the case worker this afternoon.

Some history - he was adopted at birth, 5 lbs 12 oz, small head circumference. We met his birthmother - she tested clean for drugs at 6 months pregnant but smoked nonstop and had lost four other children to the foster system. Low muscle tone led to physical therapy starting at 9 months. Eventually he had diagnoses of all the processing disorders - sensory, auditory, visual. His IQ is 84. He's high-functioning enough to "pass" as normal unless you know him really well. Executive functioning is almost non-existent. The characteristics of FASD fit him best, we think, although we don't know for sure.

School is a huge struggle, although we think we have him in the best possible environment. He actually does much better behaviorally at school than at home - he is quite awful at home. Very disrespectful, flies into rages, oppositional about every last little thing. Basically he started having temper tantrums at 15 months and never stopped. And now he is huge - taller than either of us and over 200 pounds.

If he is able to come home, we plan to separate our household so that our daughter (age 14, easy child) will be safe. So we're looking for a condo nearby where she would live with one parent and not have to deal with the madness.

Sigh.