I sent DC2 a TedTalk about research with micronutrients for depression and anxiety. since her depression was kicked off by starvation due to an E.D. , I thought this was valid and I even would have been willing to purchase minerals etc if they can augment her medication protocol. Well, I was rebuffed on all points the speaker made and then was told that she "needed to set a boundary that what she discusses with her psychiatrist is private" (Her psychiatrist is also a nutritionist and so I asked whether psychiatric had ever mentioned this research). This angered me. I can hear that she doesn't want the information, but to tell me she needs to set a boundary seemed like overkill. I told her that while I pay for her psychiatric care and medication I will absolutely ask questions and give an opinion if I see fit to do so. And that if she did not want information shared to just tell me that. She has responded back on Snapchat and I have not opened it because I don't even want to know what else she will hurl my way. I know this is more of her pulling away and she is just not elegant about it or practiced with it. I know she is responding from her current level of consciousness. I know, as Copa had explained, that I need to be able to bear this , so DC2 can move herself towards adulthood. And it still hurts. I hurt that I am being made the enemy and that I am being told her care is none of my business - I am her Mom! Not in a million years would I speak to my Mother this way. When I am there (currently traveling), she does tell me what psychiatric says and prescribes just as a matter of general conversation. So I reread Copa's responses to me in older Posts : "Many of us were not able to separate psychologically from our own mothers. I was one of these women. Whether this is because our mothers were dependent upon us; or competitive, or jealous, it's different for all of us. But when our children are growing up and pull away, either in a normal way or a dysfunctional way, these old wounds are triggered. It's our challenge to deal with them through therapy, groups, introspection, etc. We can't heal by way of expecting our children to heal us or to take away our pain. Even though it feels like they are the ones that have created this hurt. They didn't. They just triggered it." It struck me tonight reading this because I have been around my Mother for the last (almost) month. And I don't always feel psychologically separated from her. She seems emotionally distant, always has, to a certain extent that is hard for me to explain. And I think I try to work at getting that closeness. I call her every Sunday. I tell her a lot .And I do think those wounds get triggered when my kids assert autonomy and separateness. It is not fair of me to want healing through their closeness to me and I have created the same scenario with my kids as I have with my Mom: I pursue them and I work for the relationship. And I need to stop .