Need your input...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tracy551, Oct 12, 2007.

  1. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    In a recent conversation with difficult child from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he informed me that he will not be perfect when he gets home. I understand that. He is not going to be new and improved I know. But he also informed me that he still has the "urge to smoke weed almost everyday" So what I thought was an eye opener by going to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is just a trip away from home for him.
    I know I can not control him I have realized that, but how do I handle "the urge"At 17 1/2 he is going to be throwing his life away and I'm affraid, never be a functioning adult if under the influence.
    He comes home Nov 9 and it looks like we are not going to be much better off. Maybe the anger will be less, but I know once he starts back with that stuff it will return and I'm Not ready for that.
    Any suggestions or input. Feeling alittle down and desperate. :sad:
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I would mention this to his caseworker. he obviously isn't getting it and doesn't plan on making any changes when he gets home. He has been in there quite awhile, so I'm really surprised to hear that he hasn't really gotten anything out of it. Is there anyway you can not allow him to come home? You are just opening your home back up to a nightmare for you and everyone else that lives in your home. If he intends on smoking pot the minute he hits the door, I'm sure he'll soon turn to other drugs. Not sure what ones he has used in the past, but compared to what else is out there he could get involved in, pot is the least of your worries.
  3. Mary

    Mary New Member

  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    I too would mention it to his program director .. or social worker.

    I've never been an addict ... so I don't know how long it takes to 'lose the urge'.

    I don't know what context the comment was said in. There's a big difference between "I have the urge to smoke every day and can't wait until I get out of here so I can get high" and I have the urge to smoke every day and I'm struggling to overcome it".

    You are correct in recognizing that you can't handle "his urge". All you can do is decide well in advance of his homecoming what you CAN handle. The rest is up to him.
  5. Chele

    Chele New Member

    I have a 17 yr old son that was in a boarding school for 7 months due to continued drug use. Weed, as you know, is a gateway drug. We, too, have learned much about addiction and drug use over the last two years and this is what I try to focus on daily. He returned home last spring due to medical leave.
    If your son chooses to get back in with the same crowd, he is likely to start again. Unfortunately, this is his decision, you can not stop him. I have learned that my nagging and yelling has done no good, only hurt our relationship. He will have to want to stop and want it BAD. We can not do it for them. I try to focus on what WE ( the parents) are willing to do and allow in our home. In order for our son to live with us, he must follow those rules or he will have to move out soon after his is 18. We also got the courts to help us with his probation and regular drug screens. If is important that you begin to work on letting go of him, but loving and supporting him always. Let the natural consequences fall on him, this is how they learn. And it won't be coming from the parents. Maybe look at some NA web sites on how to deal with a drug user. Coping skills and learning NOT to let it effect your whole being and happiness. It is really hard, we deal with it everyday. The fear, lack of trust and disappointment. Keep up with AA or NA, it really helps us and start remembering that you have to think of the rest of the family too. We try to keep our son busy with productive things, therapy, NA meetings, volunteering and limit the social times to two per week. He can't control the friends but at least the amount of hours per week. We have reduced his curfew on week nights and weekend also. If he breaks the rules, I call the probation counselor. Good luck.

  6. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    Mary... I did do the survey and it was quite interesting..Thank you.
    Everyone else... I plan on discussing this with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) counselor and One of his contract points will be attending WEEKLY NA meetings we have 3 nights to choose from in our town he can pick one but he must go weekly. As far as what else he has done he has told me of "weed", OTC medications, says crack "1 time", ectasy I'm not sure if anything else.
    Chele... I also told difficult child if when he turns 18 (May)if he has gone back to his ways he must find somewhere else to go. I also have a 13 year old and a 19 year old and neither are difficult child's (19 year old has used pot before i know but has never let it interfere with life and his girlfriend has been a great influence on his keeping his life straight) I will not subject the 13 year old to the bull difficult child chooses to do anymore. I will stand by difficult child if he wants to get his life "right" but I can not stand by and let him try to destroy this family anymore.
  7. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    At first when I read your post I was a little sad. Then I got mad. :grrr:
    The nerve of him. I think I'd be on the phone to his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and the social worker and be restating what he said. Then I might say maybe we need to find a halfway house, foster home, group home, or some other living arrangement as I will not tolerate drugs in my home or on my property.

    to me, it sounds like your difficult child is just trying to see how far he can push your buttons. He's trying to see if you cave or you stand firm.

    You're not the one with the "issues" difficult child is. It's time to see what it's like to face the "real world" when you threaten the one's who are trying to help you. :nonono: