Never done anything like this before.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Big Bad Kitty, Sep 23, 2007.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Am I nuts?

    DEX is out of jail.

    Between each of our schedules, he will not have time till next week or possibly even next weekend to see Tink.

    The thing is, she knows that he is out. She got the mail today (yesterday's mail because we were too lazy to get it yesterday) and the letter she sent to him in jail was returned. She was SO upset, she thought he rejected it.

    I checked online to find out that he had been released, and that is why the letter was returned. It was because he was not there.

    SO, in order to assure her that he was not rejecting her, I pretty much had to let her know that he was out.

    Which brought us to my phone call with him, in which he stated that unless he spent time with her tomorrow during the day, he would not be able to see her till next week. Then he asked if he could just spend a few hours with her tonight. That was at, like, 7.

    A few hours? Sure, maybe if you had called at 2!


    I went against my better judgment and told him that he could get her tonight, keep her for the night, and spend the day with her. I decided that she could miss a day of school.

    I rationalized this as being OK because she has had several long crying spells because she misses him so much.

    Am I nuts?
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If DEX is responsible as a parent and you trust him to have her, which I assume since she's there, then I don't see why not. She hasn't been able to see him for a while now and is obviously really missing him.

    One day of school isn't a big deal.
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Well, that's subjective. :wink:

    Honestly, no, I don't think so. She hadn't been able to see him for a while and she needed that reassurance. I probably would have allowed it, too.
  4. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Yes, you're nuts, but letting her see him and skip a day of school wasn't. :wink:
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    DEAR GOATS ON THE PRAIRIE......when I saw the title of your post I spit milk out of my eye. Never done WHAT?

    Okay and then I had to slap my hands over my mouth again...and squint my eyes to "am I nuts?"

    WOMAN ARE YOU TRYING TO DROWN ME IN MOO JUICE? Wynter I'm with you - it's subjective.

    Um...let Tink go? Why not? Is he a good man with his child? I'm sure she does miss him. Did you lay down the rules of visitation and stick to the consequences? Or did you just cut her loose with a knapsack and blanket then hope for the best?

    I don't always think well on my feet, but if you give me an hour or two to hash it over I'm usually fairly sharp. I see here you were given this opportunity (the first one) on your feet. So figure out the rules, lay down the law as it pertains to you, dex and tink and stick to what you know is good for you and your psyche.

    And.....naw. I don't think you're nuts. You're just another topping in the big parfait of life. And now I must go get a cloth and some windex. Thanks for the snort.

  6. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Oh honey, you are not nuts...just a good mommy. My difficult child II was crying today over missing his Dad, I have called Child welfare services countelss times to get them to speed up visitation, not for D/H's sake but for difficult child II! I would do the same thing, minus overnite visitation in my case, but the same thing~!
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Thanks ladies!

    DEX may be a million stupid things, but he is a great daddy. I trust him with his daughter. In fact, I give him visits with her even though there is no court order for it, and even though he owes me 15 million dollars in child support.

    My "am I nuts" question (and I realize, in hindsight, that I should have clarified, because I am a certified whack-job to be sure) was over her missing a day of school to be with dad.

    The look on her face when he came up the stairs to get her was enough of an answer for me. She absolutely sparkled.

    Lost/found, I am SO sorry for your son. The PM I sent you a few weeks ago was informative, but does not take the child's pain away. And there is nothing worse than seeing your child hurt. I am praying that God wraps his loving arms around him in comfort during this trying time.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you made a good choice!
  9. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    You know, if my difficult child's bio mom could be TRUSTED with her daughter, I would have done the same thing you did when she got out of prison. However, by court order, she is NOT allowed ANY visitation time with our difficult child unless I am present. And although I would allow difficult child to miss a day of school to visit with mom after such a long time, I certainly would not consider it excusable for me to miss work to supervise it.

    Which brings up another point that I have always been curious to address, and maybe this belongs in it's own post, but what are everyone's thoughts on taking difficult child's TO PRISON to visit bio parents????? Our difficult child's mom is OUT right now, but she gets caught one more time, and she's going back, for a VERY VERY long time.

    I know that easy child's are different, but making a tough trip like that with our difficult child's could potentially do more harm than good, or would it?????????
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    NNT - that is very specific to each individual and a good question to bring up with the therapist. However, given difficult child's history with bio-mom, I personally would more than likely not allow it.
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    lol seems like the majority agrees with your decision, the assessment of being nuts is still out to the jury,
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Aw...I can just imagine the look on her face. What a sweetie!

    NNT - no to bringing kids to jail. I did it when difficult child was an infant, but never would I have her walk into a jail. Personally, if I were in jail - there is no way I would want my child to see me in that place.
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    NNT, I hesitated to respond to you because of the age of your difficult child. I did not bring MY difficult child to see her dad in jail, despite her asking me, because I did not want her to see him like that. I knew that she would not be able to touch him or hug and kiss him. I thought that it would be very damaging to her little psyche. And I am glad I didn't. But she is only 6. At 13 I would have to think about it. I am sure that a 13 year old has a better understanding of why she can't hold mommy or daddy, but it may be just as upsetting.

    Janet, the jury is back. I'm a convicted felon. Nutcase in the 1st degree.

    :crazy2: :hammer: :rofl:
  14. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Big Bad Kitty.

    I don't think you're nuts, just a loving mommy that wants her childs pain to be eased. I do, however, think you are a ton of fun on the board! smile.

    I took both of my children (young difficult child and easy child) to see their older brother when he was in jail and then when he was at prison rehab...but, this was at much older ages, 14 and 17.

    It is sad place to visit for sure! Hope this "home visit" goes well with daddy. Loooking forward to your update.