New and glad to find you!

[cacaeb]

I have a nearly 7 y/o son with ODD, ADHD, and who knows what else...just wanted to add to the archived thread
you may have a ...if:

You feel better when he takes his medications!

I'm sure I'll post a summary soon...first grade starts tomorrow.
No surprise- he said he's not going. We retty much believe him.
Last year, attempts to get him to ride the school bus resulted in
ragess of truly impressive proportions, daily CPI restarint, and a scratched cornea (to dad by son with stick).

Ah, the joys of children.

Take care,
Amy

 

[BusynMember]

Hi, Amy!
You may want to post a signature like I did below. I have a few questions.
1/Who diagnosed him? Psychiatrist? neuropsychologist? Therapist?
2/Any psychiatric, neurological, or substance abuse on either side of the family tree?
3/How was his early development? Any speech delays? How does he socialize?
4/Is he going to get modifications at school? Has he had an IEP? Did he get any early intervention?

 

[cacaeb]

Hi- he's been diagnosis since 2.5 and medicated since age 4.
He has a developmental pediatrician, child psychiatrist, in-home
wrap-around services and a 504 at school. He had early intervention services from 3-5. Early development good and milestones ahead or on schedule.

No speech problems. Some trouble with-social cues- some AS traits.


His current medications: Focalin XR , Ritalin, Lamictal, Risperdal, Melatonin... He is a fast-metabolizer and ridiculously hard to
get regulated...

previously on Trileptal (made him worse)
catapres patch/clonidine (helped but made him depressed)
paxil (no effect)

There's a fam hx of anxiety, ADHD, depression.

Sorry to be so brief- it's hard to stop and think right now..
he's due to be medicated and just a touch off the walls...

oh- we're married and in our 40s and he's an only.

Thanks for asking!

 

[BusynMember]

I was thinking of Aspergers or some form of spectrum disorder. He seems awfully upset with transitions. I know how tiring it is to write down the whole nine yards.

 

[nvts]

I was thinking Aspie too. Seems like a lot of resistance to change as well as what you noted.

Welcome to the crowd (and it IS a crowd! :smile:)

Hey! Maybe our kids are the normal ones! lol

Beth

 

[cacaeb]

Hi, and thanks,all.

He does have some Aspergers traits but doesn't meet
full criteria...his greatest AS sx is difficulty with-social cues but he has (sort-of) normal play, normal speech, understands
humor (but has some trouble with sarcam) and isn't all that obsessional...

I'm a therapist-mother, which means I read too much,
am humbled by my inability to help him, and know
too much about how bad his trajectory could be.

He is gifted, funny, and adorable.
Except when he's raging and violent and totally un-lovable.

How do you guys manage to hold onto love for your kids when they
can be so absolutely horrid and hateful?

Thanks..

 

[BusynMember]

Most Aspies don't have all of the traits, just some. My son is on the spectrum and has a GREAT sense of humor, loves puns, and has stopped his horrible behavior once he got interventions. That's why I think it's important to make sure he doesn't NEED the interventions of Aspergers. My kids was a raging mess before getting Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) help. I loved him anyways. I can't explain it, just did. He stopped early though. He has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and started speaking at four and a half. Once he broke into speech, he wasn't half as difficult, but the transitions are still a problem.
Anyways, this is my suggestion.
I would not trust a Pediatrician or even a regular psycologist to diganose him. We went thru the mill. I would see a Neuropsycologist because the testing they do is completely different and very intensive, and will point out weak and strong points for you and in my opinion get you closest to a right diagnosis. so that you can get the child help. My son was on at least ten medications that he didn't need (and that made him worse) due to misdiagnosis. He is still obese from the latter medications. I wouldn't try to diagnosis. my own child!!
Take care and look luck.

 

[AllStressedOut]

My youngest difficult child is my most difficult, I post this often. He drives me absolutely batty, but then there are days like today where he is completely pleasant, extremely talkative and very happy. I do believe he is bi-polar. We are still awaiting the formal diagnosis of this by the newest psychiatrist. However his new therapist, in the same office, thinks he may also be borderline personality. I had never really paid attention to this diagnosis before because I never thought it applied to my kids. Sad I know, but with as many DXs as my kids get between the 3 of them, I can barely keep up with what their DXs mean, let alone additional ones. So I'm just now researching this one. I'm thinking about what you said, about how we manage to hold onto our love for our kids when they can be horrid and hateful....not really sure honestly. There are days I'm so angry with him and what I'm dealing with, I forget anything else and then there are days like today where he is sweet and cute and I remember this isn't his fault. It's the days he isn't behaving that I forget that sometimes. I try to remind myself, but sometimes it is difficult.

 

[cacaeb]

Thanks, folks...

Should have put this is there somewhere-
he's had a full neuropsychologist as well as several other work-ups.
He may very well be bipolar but the jury is out.

None of the evelautors found AS..I'm asking them to take another look but I tend to latch onto one dignosis after another in an effort to understand him. Mostly, I try to manage my own anxiety..it is unsettling to have no umbrella diagnosis to
explain him, to guide us..

Our son, like so mnay others, doesn't fit netaly into any one category and has sx of several diagnosis which
sometimes overlap, certainly confuse things, and make
life intolerable some times.

I recently read Quirky Kids and found it a helpful
addition to our bookshelves.

Somedays, my heart overflows with love for him.
Somedays, I just want to run away and never come back.

I do best when I can remember that he is both
lovable and unlovable, that he is both sweet and unmanageable..the two are hard to hold simultaneoulsy.
It's almost as though I need to both be open and connected while
maintaining awareness that he could snap at any moment..


How do you folks manage to love your challenging kids while
remembering that they could yet again hurt you?

Best,
Amy

 

[flutterbee]

Some days it's really hard to like my child. I have to constantly remind myself that the behavior is a symptom and not intentional.

It takes a long time, but by identifying the triggers, cause and effect, I've been able to understand where the behavior is coming from. Sometimes she still catches me off guard and makes my head spin. Then comes teaching the child to recognize when they are going off the deep end, if you will, and teach them self-soothing and coping skills.

 

[BusynMember]

We didn't get the right diagnosis until my son was eleven. The only reason we know it's right, besides that it's obvious now that he's older, is that Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) interventions REALLY helped him--he's a totally different kids. In order of diagnosis., we had ADHD, ADHD/ODD/cognitive disorder not otherwise specified/Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (first neuropsychologist evaluation showed all that), bipolar disorder (his third psychiatrist), finally Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. For us it was more obvious. The kid had headbanged, echoed, had late speech, the works, but we kept getting told he was "too sociel." Duh. Kids with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified ARE more social than other Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids...then there were the medications parade: Ritalin, Concerta, Adderrall, Buspar, Prozac, Zyprexa, Risperdal, Depakote, Lithium, Topomax, Seroquel and I'm sure there are some I missed. He really didn't need any medications. Stims made him aggressive, Prozac made him almost psychotic, mood stabiliers made him lethargic and constantly hungry. He is doing great off all medications, going on four years. That doesn't mean YOUR child can, but until you're sure what's going on, you don't really know what to do or who to listen to. It's hard. We got told a lot of conflicting things, but, in the end, our instincts were right.
Don't be afraid to think "maybe he got it wrong." There are no blood tests for any of these disorders. Go with your mom gut, and if one professional doesn't help, find another. Not all psychatrists or neuropsychs are created equally and sometimes things don't become very clear until the children are almost teenagers. Sometimes adults. Just keep on trying--you're doing the best you can. Try to remember your child is probably more miserable than he's making you...and take care.

 

[Kjs]

The days of wanting to run away have been many. It is so much easier to watch him sleep and remember his sweet side then. LOL.
He has been so much better since school got out. Not looking forward to the beginning of another year tomorrow.

The days that are difficult it is so hard to remember that I am the adult. More often than not I get pulled into his arguments and bad behavior. Sharing the good and bad with the members on this board has helped me keep my sanity. Just knowing there are others with challenging children helps me.

I have found that IEP's are much more helpful and enforceable than 504's. There are some good posts in special education forum. May want to check them out.

Good luck to you and your family. Good luck with school. That is our biggest obstacle. Hoping for a better school year.

 

[ML]

Welcome! A lot of this stuff runs together. My son has an official diagnosis of anxiety and adhd but he obviously fits somewhere on the spectrum. I also haven't ruled out BiPolar (BP). Anyway, I'm glad you found us xo Michele0

 

[Wiped Out]

Welcome to a very supportive place! Yes, there are many days we don't like our difficult children but love them! One thing that helps me is I remember this is an illness. He didn't choose this! Mental illness stinks!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Just wanted to jump in and say hello and welcome!

 

[cacaeb]

Thanks, all. It's nice to know we're not alone.
I forget that I am not the only one- we have no
friends or families dealing with anything like this.

He got on the bus today -with one of his wrap-around staff-tearful and terrified but he did it- and managed to take medications at the nurse's office wihtout a melt-down.

So ironic- he's not here and I'm crying becuase I miss him..yet most of the time when he's here I wish he were elsewhere.

I do try to remember his behavior isn't always intentional, that
he feels as badly as we do, that he wants to do the right thing.

The inconsistency is crazy-making..sometimes I think it would be easier if he were awful all of the time. Then I could
protect my heart from him, grieve and be done...

Thanks, thanks, thanks. :flower:
You make a difference!