new and need help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amy76lee, Dec 9, 2008.

  1. amy76lee

    amy76lee New Member

    good morning. I'm glad I found this site because we are at the end of our ropes right now. I need help and don't know where to go. I'm hoping that someone might recognize this situation and have any advice.

    I am a step-parent to a 13 y/o (difficult child 1). His father's life revolves around having to feed this child constant attention. Meanwhile, his 11 y/o easy child, while she does not get neglected, she definintely loses out on time with dad. Then I have my own 8 y/o (difficult child 2). We've been a combined family for 4.5 years.

    The issues that we are having with difficult child 1 are:

    constant lying about every thing no matter how big or small - warrior mom/dad: "did you brush your teeth?" difficult child 1: "yes" warrior mom/dad: "so why is are your teeth yellow, your breath smells bad and your toothbrush dry? Did you brush your teeth?" gftg1: "no"

    won't do school work - we have constant contact with his teachers, and although he knows this, he continues to lie about schoolwork and refuses to do it or if done, he won't turn it in.

    always disrespectful - to all women (that lightbulb just went on!) I thought it was to everyone who is not his dad, but it's just to women. As well as his teachers.

    anti-social - he will not go outside and play with kids...or if he does go play, he plays with kids much younger than himself.

    ADHD - he was diagnosed and put on concerta, but it does not help him only causes him to not eat and lose tons of weight. husband does not want him on concerta anymore, but his doctor won't seem to listen to us.

    - his only interest is video games
    - he has no remorse for his behavior until he gets in trouble
    - he only thinks about the here & now and what HE wants, not consequences.
    - he will not complete anything he starts

    - he "collects" things: anything that catches his much so that I once had to make him stop crawling around on the school floor pulling staples out of the carpet...I later found a whole pocket full of staples in the laundry room.

    - last year, he carved his name into our neighbor's curing concrete, then said it wasn't him. A few weeks later, he threw a rock through someone's window, ran away and said it wasn't him...until a witness came out and pointed him out. Last week, husband found a fairly large knife in his pocket that he's been taking to school. We don't know where the knife came from, do I have to mention that he lied about it when we asked.

    - disciplinary actions don't work. restrictions, spankings (by husband), postivie reinforcement, rewards, taking his things away...nothing has had even the slightest affect on him.

    - disorganization, sloppiness, won't do chores, won't do anything to help the family, argues with difficult child 2 all the time, argues with me about everything, blames everyone else for his actions/problems/etc

    - manipulates stories/situations/people to try to get the results he wants.

    - addicted to candy/sugar

    I just don't know where to stop...and after all of this...he acts like there's nothing wrong. He acts like he does not understand why anyone is mad at him. But he knows what he's doing is wrong when he does it (he admits it) but he still chooses to do what's wrong.

    husband told him yesterday that he's sending him to live with his mother husband's DEX...but that is definitely NOT what will be best for him. She works at night in a seedy, sleezy bar; she does drugs; when the kids were there for the summer, she couldn't even feed them; she doesn't have a car, she is EXACTLY like her son in all her actions. (A very short history of her: she abandoned both her children and my husband in order to chase a lifestyle of partying and no responsibilities...and blames me for "taking her life" after the divorce, and when her partying spree was over)

    I'm sorry for such a long post but we're really stuck. We've tried therapy, medication, intervention, all the techniques we can think of...what else can we do? there's got to be something that can get through to this child?????
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Right off the bat, to me this first child sounds like he is on the autism spectrum (which is often misdiagnosed as ADHD). His lack of interest in his appearance, lack of interest or ability to interact with peers his own age, obsession with videogames, and seeming cluelessness are huge red flags. Only thinking in the here and now are other big symptoms. Addiction to sugar is another issue I see here. My son will eat sugar right out of the box (ick!). We have to hide it. I have a spectrum kid. He exists mostly in the present, and has actually turned into a wonderful teen, BUT he had lots of interventions and the right diagnosis.
    Has your stepson ever seen a neuropsychologist? I would ask your hub a few questions and get back to us.
    1/Are there any psychiatric problems on either side of this child's family tree?
    2/How was his early development? Did he make good eye contact? Did he speak on time? Did he EVER interact appropriately with his same-age peers? Did he have any strange behaviors such as lining up toys or turning on and off light switches or making weird mouth noises or flapping his arms? Anything at all? Does he basically just not "get" life? Does he see you and hub as peers rather than authority figures (this is very common on the autism spectrum). Does he have a flat, monotone voice and demeanor?
    If this child can, I would get him a complete neuropsychologist evaluation. This is far more intensive and all-encompassing than a Psychiatric evaluation or anything a regular therapist will give him. The school districts--ach...forget them. They are really horrible. I think they hire the worst people on purpose or those therapists who can't get jobs anywhere else. Some think ADHD is on the spectrum so it would make sense that perhaps this boy IS a step beyond ADHD and has Aspergers or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. If he has Aspergers, he wouldn't have had a speech delay, but he'd still be completely socially clueless. I don't know if your boy is on the spectrum, but he has tons of red flags that are screaming, and it is often missed. I would look into it and make sure the professional knows about high functioning autism. Again, I like NeuroPsychs best.
    Others will come along. Welcome to our little home :)
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    First, welcome. Sorry you have to be here but you've found a great group that will give you lots of support, comfort and advice.

    I'm with MWM that it sounds like a lot more than ADHD. Definitely get a neuropsychologist exam if you can. Check with the Children's Hospital near you to get an appointment.

    For the lying, I found that I was much better off if I didn't ask. I simply stated this was the way things were -- you teeth need to be brushed; please go brush them.

    There are some good things in your post -- he ultimately admits the truth. Many of our kids would die before they would admit they did something wrong. Heck, they'll even lie about when they did something good! The truth just can't come out -- it might give you some sort of power or control. He's not violent (yet). You haven't mentioned any major rages although I wouldn't be surprised if he did rage.

    At least some of his actions are typical 11 YO boys' stuff. They hate showers, toothbrushes and almost anything that might get them clean and smelling good. Fortunately, they do get over that, it just takes discovering girls. The school stuff isn't that uncommon but the battles are so draining. Do you have any clue what the issues are preventing him from doing his schoolwork -- dyslexia, truly not understanding, disorganization. For many of our kids, school projects are truly overwhelming. They really need to be broken down into small pieces. If there is some sort of executive functioning disorder on top of the ADHD (there usually is), 5th grade on is very difficult. So much is expected and many of our kids just can't figure out what they are supposed to do when or how.

    Anyway, hope you can find some answers to help him.
  4. JLady

    JLady A ship lost in the night

    Welcome. I'm new here myself. I'm also new to the whole concept of the medication process, therapy and ADHD. I wanted to chime in and say that while I don't have any advise on the medical issues your son may be facing, he does sound like a typical 11 y/o to me as well. I have a 15 yr old that has spent the last two years lying about everything, not bathing, brushing his teeth, not doing homework until the last minute, not turning stuff in, simply not thinking. He doesn't have ADHD or anything else. He's just your typical boy. They do grow out of it and fortunately he is throught that stage for the most part.

    A lot of the other things you described sound like my 7 year old who I've been told has ADHD and ODD. I'm still fighting to find out what is wrong with him myself. I keep searching for answers. Don't give up until you find the answers that work for you. Kids (all kids) need someone to love and care about them. They are a blessing from God regardless of their needs. Best wishes in finding your answers.
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Ok I swear to you I just had a flashback. I even read the post to my husband and he asked if it was me a few years ago.

    I have hundreds of things that I could respond to. However the first thing is I agree whole heartedly with MWM and MB about the neuropsychologist exam. We went to a good childrens hospital and had a very thorough one done. We had to do battle to get it done but alas it was worth it.

    Many other things have happened with my difficult child 2 that is similiar with your difficult child 1. I see different warning flags because of what we have been through.

    I will send you all of the strength that I can that you get through each day unscathed. I would really think twice three even four times before sending him to his bio moms. In the end it may do more harm than good for all involved. We went that path. It actually destroyed difficult child 2 even more. It didn't take long before he was right back with us only worse.

    I am glad you found us. This is a wonderful place for support. I am so sorry that you had to. Many hugs.

  6. amy76lee

    amy76lee New Member

    Thank you. You just validated what I have been thinking for awhile now...through my own research online and it's also just a gut feeling that I'm having I guess. I've scheduled difficult child for another evaluation with his pcm and I will ask about the neuropsychologist while we're there.

    family history is a little hard to get. husband is not difficult child's biological father...his DEX does not know who the real father is, so we have no idea of history for the paternal side. As for difficult child's mother, he is an exact replica of her, according to husband. I can only assume that she has psychiatric problems, but they are not documented. She tends to pursue self-destructive behaviors (drugs/alcohol/abusive relationships/etc) and then seek out sympathy from others.

    How was his early development? unsure of early development.

    Did he make good eye contact? i know that he does not now. we have to constantly remind him to "look at me" when we're talking.

    Did he speak on time? unsure

    Did he EVER interact appropriately with his same-age peers? unsure

    Did he have any strange behaviors such as lining up toys or turning on and off light switches or making weird mouth noises or flapping his arms? he can stay occupied with like little army men, puzzles,

    Does he basically just not "get" life? I think he sort of gets certain aspects, but not most of them.

    Does he see you and hub as peers rather than authority figures (this is very common on the autism spectrum).

    Does he have a flat, monotone voice and demeanor? most of the time, yes, but sometimes he seems to interact "normally" with the girls, laughing and playing.

    There's also something that I can't put my finger on that makes me feel uncomfortable with him around the girls &/or their friends. I caught him once asking his sister for a kiss while she was in the shower. He seemed to be forcing the issue with her and she was not comfortable with it. Not long after that, while they were play-wrestling around, I could have sworn I saw him trying to grope on her and touch her inappropriately. maybe it was just my protectiveness seeing things that really weren't there...but then not too long ago, I found a pair of his sister's dirty panties in his room, under his bed. I hate "assuming" the worst, but I just can't help it.

    It's already hard enough to love somone else's child, then throw in the fact that it's not even husband's child....and then on top of that he's so difficult...I want to love him unconditionally, but I just can't seem to do that. I feel just awful about it...and I've tried so hard...I just can't. :sick:
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Amy, get thy kid to a neuropsychologist! They have them at children's and univeristy hospitals. This kid has so many red flags for a spectrum child that I would not delay. Even the asking to kiss the girl is so inappropriate and smacks of having no social understanding, which is what Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is. ADHD kids do know some boundaries. I know many kids with ADHD. This is way out of the norm. Lack of eye contact is classic. Since there is really no good history on this child, you're in the same boat as I was--our son was adopted, but his birthmother had done drugs during her pregnancy. And if she did drugs during her pregnancy (they were found in HIS system at his birth) well, it's pretty much a given that she didn't say "no" to alcohol. Kids exposed to substances in utero have a much higher rate of autism. They can also have fetal alcohol effects, however he doesn't sound THAT bad (take a big breath of relief). Autism spectrum really responds well to interventions, but he has to get them. And first he needs to see a neuropsychologist and you need to sit down with Dad and hear the results of the testing. NeuroPsychs will do intensive testing for from 6-10 hours. My son was testing for ten hours at two hour increments and I don't think the testing missed a trick. After that, we got on track with our son and he is like a different kid now that everybody is helping him with his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and now that he knows we understand him. To me it's a little disturbing that your hub doesn't know and/or doesn't share the history of this child with you. I think you should know everything. Certainly he must know if his boy had a speech delay, even if the child is not his biological son.
    Before you decide you have a bad, deliberately out-of-control kid who is also a budding sex pervert (just kidding), please have him evaluated. I think you'll be surprised, relieved, and in a much better place, as will the child and your hub. Now if this child was ever sexually molested AND has autistic spectrum, wow. He may act out and just think it's normal. If he hasn't been sexually molested, then you have to text book teach him about good and bad touching, like he is much younger. My girlfriend's Aspie son touched a girl's breast and didn't know it was wrong. The girl was very understanding and talked to him and then my friend also talked to him and he never touched a girl inappropriately again. These are the little things that our "differently wired" kids may NOT pick up like most kids do. Please test him. You don't have to love him unconditionally right now, but help him. Call a neuropsychologist. Take care.
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2008
  8. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Welcome Sister!
    My take is the lieing has more to do with esteem issues than anything else. At some point it is just completely overwhelming for these kids knowing they are differant and always being "in trouble" and nobody likes them. That is how they are not with their peers.
    Medication plays an important role and the behavor supports have to be in place and it takes alot of time anttention to get it from teachers and the medication monitoring appts are about the dose and effectiveness of the medication NOT the behavor plan.
    Get rid of the computer for awhile. Return the computer, if you do, as a reward. In my house the computer use is tied to A grades in school.
    If I had had more knowledge I would have made it chores, polite speech, bedtime and wake time and Agrades in school.
    Have alimit of hours per day/ and week.

    And you know your family so we are hear to learn from you what works for you.
    The answer is : Try everything you can and keep it up. I think that constancy is alot of what ultimately does 'get through'. Learning moments spring up unannouced and if you have always been consistant the child does reach for that skill when they are ready.
    And if he gets all focused on something like pulling out staples look for those things that he can do that do help. Use his strengths too.
    welcome welcome welcome
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome - You have received some great advise and seem to be on the right track to start figuring this out. I just want to add one more item - Check out the book "The Manipulative Child". You can find it in the library (that's were I found it). It may help with the manipulation issues.

    As MeowBunny stated, limit his chances to lie as much as possible. That can be very hard. If you must ask a question, try rephrasing it. Instead of "Do you know where my car keys are?" try "Please help me find my keys." or "I can't find my keys. Do you remember seeing them lately? Do you know where I put them?"

    Keep us informed. Share your experiences and what you find out.
  10. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    Carrying a knife to school would get you a semester of expulsion at our school. Schools take weapons very seriously.
    I think he may be taking it to school to show what a big guy he is but the principal will know it in 5 minutes and he will be back at home for good.He may need medication other than concerta.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Does he understand the ramifications of bringing a knife to school? Does he realize he will get suspended? Or is he so "out there" that he doesn't understand why it's a big deal? There is a difference. The school won't see it that way, but diagnostically it does matter.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You've already received lots of good advice-just wanted to add in my welcome!
  13. CindyTN

    CindyTN New Member

    Hi there! Well, this is my first post on this forum, and I know I won't be very popular after I say what I'm about to say. I COMPLETELY disagree with people insinuating that this child may be on the autism spectrum. I saw ABSOLUTELY NO signs or symptoms you listed to indicate that would even be considered as an issue. Of course, if it's a concern you have, please proceed with testing. I just don't think the shoe fits from what you've said. I think there's always a tendency on health forums for people to read into the symptoms someone lays out and to relate that to their own real-life scenario, or rather overlay that into their own lives. This can be an extremely dangerous form of self-diagnosing for someone else that we don't even know. I usually don't point this out on forums, but I think it's just blatantly evident in this case because out of my 12 years of dealing with a child on the spectrum, there is nothing mentioned in the original post that even fits with autism. That is a heavy burden to lay on a parent. Saying that, let me say this....

    It's more probable that a parent with a child on the autism spectrum who is facing these additional issues mentioned in the post, are actually dealing with dual or multi-diagnoses. The big difference between these behaviors and what diagnosis they pertain to comes down to intent, understanding, remorse, and developmental capabilities. A child who is solely on the spectrum does NOT intentionally hurt other people for the sake of hurtng/attacking others; it's usually a lack of social skills and developmental abilities to control their feelings. However, with a child with a behavior disorder or conduct disorder, the intent is definitely there in that moment, and the child may or may not ever feel remorse. The child also has the ability to differentiate between right and wrong and then CHOOSES the wrong action, not because of a developmental delay in understanding what is appropriate or the inability to process quickly enough to take the correct action.

    My child is on the autism spectrum, as I mentioned previously. He is 12 years old. Until recently, I blamed everything on autism. But then I was able to obtain the services of some of the most highly qualified autism experts around, people who had done much research and worked with these children daily, with very many success stories I might add. They also work with children with psychiatric conditions such as bipolar, adhd, conduct disorder, etc. I feel so blessed to have received a HUGE education during this process, while my son is at a residential treatment facility catering to children with autism and mixed diagnoses. I now recognize that autism isn't an "excuse" to accept the behaviors mentioned above, because it is NOT autism related behavior at all. Is it a mental illness? Absolutely, but it's not the autism causing those things. The autism certainly causes other problems in the social arena but lying, stealing, intentional aggression, the inability to show remorse...... that is NOT autism. As a matter of fact, my son's autism specialist/and the head instructor over developmental disabilities at Vanderbilt has refused to see my son again for his "autism" until the psychiatric components are being better managed by a psychiatrist. I understand this now, but I was furious when she first told me this. It wasn't until my son was admitted to a top facility that I began to "get it."

    Amy, my son shows the exact symptoms/behaviors you mentioned. Basically, any time the word "no" is put before him, things quickly spin out of control, especially if the word "no" pertains to his use of video games or electronics.

    Amy, hang in there and don't give up. We have to be our children's biggest advocate. You will eventually get the answers you need. But you may have to fight to find a great doctor to manage what is going on. I wouldn't settle for one opinion or even two opinions. Child psychiatry is a very tricky field that even the best psychiatrists admit is difficult to practice in. Identifying one condition from another at young ages is very difficult.
  14. CindyTN

    CindyTN New Member

    I'm sorry, but I have to jump in here again because I want to address a couple of comments made. Some of the advice I'm reading, in my opinion, so very dangerous. I know I won't win a popularity contest, and I'll probably get some hate-mail, but that's OK if it means this 13 year old child gets the proper treatment. I think there are some parents here who have dealt with autism for a long time, as have I, who have begun to "see" those symptoms where they don't truly lie. Here's a few examples:

    "This kid has so many red flags for a spectrum child that I would not delay. Even the asking to kiss the girl is so inappropriate and smacks of having no social understanding, which is what Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is."

    This is NOT Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)!!!!! Trying to kiss a sister inappropriately, if he knew what he was doing, is definitely not autism. Unless a developmental delay exists, how can you POSSIBLY blame this behavior on Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? Does that mean that sexual predators are alo autistic because they also don't have a "social understanding"? It scares me that this is being "blamed" on autism. It can be a myriad of different things, but it's definitely not a "known symptom" of autism. It could be a 13 year old being hypersexual. It could be a 13 year old being a 13 year old. It could be hypersexuality due to bipolar (MANY MANY MANY ADHD children are misdiagnosed and are actually bipolar). It could be just outright conduct disorder. But I refuse to accept someone diagnosing this as autism, when you don't have a supporting history on this child. NOTHING this parent has said has screamed "autism."

    "Lack of eye contact is classic."

    Yes, you're right. Lack of eye contact is classic for autism spectrum. HOWEVER, it is also very classic for average TEENAGERS. LOL Come on now! How many teenagers around like to look their parents in the eye and talk to them? A large majority of them are trying to distance themselves at this age. It's NORMAL! COMPLETELY NORMAL! Now, if you find out that it was a problem as a very young child/baby/toddler, then we have to consider Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    I'm just honestly blown away by the number of people suggesting to this lady that her 13 year old son could be autistic. Did anybody think of the idea that SOMEBODY AT SOME POINT in his life would have suggesed this if the symptoms truly existed? The child is 13, not 6 or 3. There would have been significant issues with his ability to process information in a classroom prior to this time if it was Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (even if he were high-functioning as my son is). I would just reallly love to see people stop, take a deep breath, and ask yourselves if you are trying to project your child's situation onto another parent where it doesn't actually fit.

    I have a very long medical background and have studied these things for a very long time. I have a few other family members with a medical psychiatric background, adn we have talked at length of these things. I'm sure a lot of you have also done tons of studies on these things as well. But I have to call a pig a pig here. It doesn't fit. What more likely fits (and I hate to suggest it because I'm as guilty of what everybody else is doing) is bipolar and/or conduct disorder. These symptoms are more symptomatic of bipolar than anything else.

    Get the "neuro" exam, if it will make you feel better after all these suggestions of your child being autistic. But I wouldn't bet on it panning out. It sounds like you need a more intensive psychiatric exam with 1 or 2 new people. One other thing, stimulant medications are known to contribute to these behaviors. I'm sitting idle by waiting right now to see how my son will react long-term to him being discontinued on his stimulant medication. In his case, the doctor felt like my son was misdiagnosed and is trying some new things. He felt that the medication was contributing to the aggression, although it definitely helped the severe ADHD symptoms. Hopefully it will work out, and I'm anxious to see if he can be stabilized without the ADHD medicine. I completely understand the specialist's theory, and I won't go into detail on it, but it makes complete sense. This isn't something I would do at home, but since he's in a highly accredited treatment facility, I am willing to give it a try.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Cindy, calm down. I see you are new, but we RESPECT each other here. That attack was uncalled for.
    First of all, many of us are leery of Conduct Disorder diagnoses for kids under 18. I would not be looking at that. As for BiPolar (BP)--my son had a wrongful BiPolar (BP) diagnosis. Professionals can wrong, so certainly we, as laypeople, can be wrong, even if we "study" psychiatry. I do too.
    I have been here a long time and never had this sort of attack, so please read this. You are not an expert on autism. None of us are. I don't appreciate the long rant trying to talk this poster into absolutely thinking her child is not on the spectrum. You and I don't know that and you can't say for sure that he's not nor can I say that for sure that he is. He does have red flags. If he isn't on the spectrum, however, she will find out through an evaluation.
    I have a spectrum child and know as much about it as you do. This particular child may NOT have just autism, but you are not qualified to say he doesn't. Let him see a neuropsychologist who knows more than you and I and let HIM decide. I think it's irresponsible to say you can rule it out yourself.
    My advice: See a neuropsychologist. There are plenty of kids with co-morbids. And all Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids present differently. Please...there is no reason for the attacks. In the end, the neuropsychologist will make the determination. I know plenty of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids who get violent, but the reasons are not the same as, say, a bipolar child. And a child can have both. ADHD medications are not good for all disorders. I would recommend running from anyone who diagnoses CD at this young age. NeuroPsychs know psyschiatric AND neurological disorders. Many psychiatrists only know psychiatric disorders. Let's let the professionals sort it out and not get so overly certain that WE know. None of us know, including you...or me. EVEN if you were a neuropsychologist, you could not diagnose this child without seeing him. So please cool down and let all opinions be given. Thank you.
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2008
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member last explanation. A good friend of mine has a son with plain Aspergers, no co-morbids. He was inappropriate with a "pretty" girl once and he touched her. He did not know that he wasn't supposed to touch her. by the way, he is not cognitively delayed. He is very smart. He just doesn't "get" social norms unless they are explained to him. Once they were, he has never repeated it. He was like, "Oh! Ok!"
    Hypersexual can be a part of bipolar. I have bipolar. However, just wanting to k iss a girl is not necessarily hypersexuality, which is why this woman needs to have her child evaluated.
    He does have autistic red flags coming out the wazoo. And I take my son to an autism specialist too, plus a social group of autistic teens, and he was diagnosed by a neuropsychologist from Mayo Clinic who explained the social differences to me between autism and "typical" behavior. He also explained that Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is often misdiagnosed as bipolar or ADHD.
    Let's let the professionals decide what he has. I hope he sees a neuropsychologist soon. They do awesome testing. My son had an ten hour evaluation and his life changed after that.
  17. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Amy, just one more piece of advice I'll give you Simply take what you need from us and leave the rest. We're not experts. Just parents who have been through the wringer more times than we can count. Try some of the things suggested. If they don't work, try something else. Post when you can.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Gosh, he looks like he's on the autism spectrum to me.
    Except that in The Bipolar child, they say that an addiction to sugar is more bipolar. I personally would just get him off of it to cut out the hypoglycemia aspect, no matter what, to give a clearer picture of his "real" behaviors.

    I would have him evaluated by a neuropsychologist.

    Also, I wouldn't ask him if he's brushed his teeth. He's automatically going to say, "No." Just say, "We brush your teeth in 5 min." That gives him a window to transition. Transitioning is hard for bioplar and autistic kids so you can't go wrong with- a gentle reminder. Then walk him to the bathroom and make sure he really brushes.

    Do the same with-other things. He's going to lie. It's become a habit now. When you ask him questions, you leave him no out but to lie. Strangely enough, that does not mean he's a bad person. It's a protective device.

    You are right--disciplinary actions don't work. Routine does. Consistency. Small rewards. My son loves Reese's peanut butter cups. I could probably get him to climb onto the roof and do a handstand and offer a wedding proposal to a 6th grader for a Reese's peanut butter cup, LOL!

    You've got to work with-who he is. He isn't a regular kid, so you can't use regular consequences.

    I'm glad you found us.
  19. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I second meowbunny, we are not experts. The boy needs help, and has signs of many issues. I think that we tend to see our children's disorder in others. My son is bipolar III, so I tend to see the bipolar tendencies. MWM has a son on the autistic spectrum, so that is what she sees. What matters is that he needs more help, more interventions.
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No, I have bipolar too. He has signs of both. Rather than guessing, I think it's best for her to evaluate him. He sounds like a complicated kid.
    I see bipolar AND Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) because I have had so much dealing with both disorders. Sometimes they look the same. However, after she answered the questions, it does sound more like a mood disorder, especially since substance abuse is on the family tree. But who knows? It can be a lot of things :)