new borderline diagnosis

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by evonne, Jul 6, 2019.

  1. evonne

    evonne New Member

    my daughter just recently told me she was diagnosed with Borderline (BPD). In a way it's a relief to know there is a reason for her anger toward me. I kept trying to figure out what horrible thing I did to make her so hateful toward me. She lives in another state. I am overwhelmed by the thought of how much pain she has been in. I don't know how to help her. Is there someone suffering from this who can tell me how I can support her without making things worse?
  2. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    You can only.suggest the one therapy that works for borderline. It is hard to.treat unless the person is motivated, but many now recover from borderline with Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. With all the research I have done on this thinking that my daughter has it but has never and will never go for a diagnoses I found that to date.this is the only therapy that addresses the intense emotions, inability to stand discomfort, meltdowns, rages and self harm and sometimes eating disprders that make up borderline personality disorders. Many abuse drugs too. They tend to have a ton of problems with various emotional regulation skills and self control. They can act nasty!

    medications work very little for this serious disorder and other therapy types that work well for, say, depression, bipolar and other more known disorders do NOT help the MANY facets of borderline.

    Please dont think there is anything YOU can do. This complicated cluster B personality disorder is chronic emotional dysregulation and unpredictable. Only DBT nicely explains it to the patient and promotes understanding and wellness. Great progress is happening to those who are Borderline (BPD) and use dbt with a serious will to learn how to control their mind, emotions to tolerate distress. They feel everything with extreme overdrive, not like other people. It is often misdiagnosed as the easier to treat bipolar so beware of this. Borderline is worse, at least to the loved ones who deal with abuse and sometimes fights and minute to minute moodswings that come more often and are very intense.... moreso than bipolar. Dont be fooled. Borderline is like moodiness and crazy ups and downs and anger on steroids.

    To understand treatment yourself do buy The Dialectal Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay. The more you understand borderline, the better. It would be top notch if your daughter will enroll in DBT Therapy. If she wont, like mine wont, she will not learn skills needed to calm borderline and may end up losing everyone in her life. Some borderlines are dangerous and toxic. She will stop suffering when she learns how to control her intense emotions, rage, and meltdowns.

    cant teach this the right way.To learn control this is an illness that requires specific steps and tricks. Normal people cant think like a borderline. We need a well versed clinician who understands. That isnt us. Borderlines have such intense emotions that our example of good emotion regulation is not enough. They see it but don't know how to do it. They need training.

    My daughter refuses therapy. I would pay for dbt therapy without a thought but she thinks there is norhing wrong with her and rages if I suggest otherwise. Few want to be around her, even me. I wish she would help herself.

    I wish you better luck. This is a disorder that greatly affects the patient and anyone she is close to. It can get unbearable.

    Get the book please. Try to get your daughter into DBT. It has proven to be very successful. Nothing else has. My daughter only smokes pot for her "stress" as she gently refers to her rages and arguments, and take my word on this....she is a mess with no friends and bad relationships in the family. Her crazy husband Lee tolerates her but he yells and fights too. They even hit each other. Kay used to cut. I dont know if she still does. She tjrows and breaks things too. She may improve for a month or so tjen stress pops up and she is a tornado, screaming, threatening suicide, abusing, etc.

    I hope your daughter will agree to proper help. I wish my Kay would take DBT.
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2019
  3. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    The person has to know that something isn't right before they will want to change. Some people will never even realize they have a problem.
  4. evonne

    evonne New Member

    Thanks. I will get that book. I told her about DBT but that is not the therapy she is getting right now. She needs to see if it's available where she is. She is epileptic and already on so many strong medications. I'm not sure what the psychiatrist has her on. We don't really talk, just text.
  5. evonne

    evonne New Member

    She has realized it. She was always raging at me about what a bad childhood she had and what a ridiculous person I am. I just kept looking back wondering what the awful things in her childhood were and blaming myself for being a bad mother. I was broken hearted that we weren't able to have a loving relationship. I texted her that I wanted to have a relationship. She texted back that she was diagnosed with Borderline (BPD) and I could start with that.
  6. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    DBT is becoming more common. It is similar to CBT but is more, including specific treatment for emotional regulation and how to tolerate stress and crises and really good ways to get out of the past and future and stay in the now.

    I use mindfulness myself and staying in the present really calms stress for me, as most of our stress is about either fretting over the past or worrying about bad things that have not happened yet in the future. DBT includes interpersonal skills too because borderlines tend to fight with people and have trouble keeping relationships. This is all my daughter. I wish she would do it. CBT has good skills, but not the extras that borderlines desperately need.

    DBT is also used now for depression and bipolar.