We have adopted out two granddaughters, who are now 11 and 13. To understand some of the behaviors, I have to give some history. My son married a woman who had drug/alcohol problems, and who already had two children being raised by others. She was pregnant when they met and was using drugs and alcohol. She his the pregnancy for several months - but I believe she stopped using around the 5th month. About 1.5 years later, they got married. She did manage to get one child out of foster care at age 2.5 (older brother to the two we adopted) but her oldest son stayed with his dad and stepmom. Then had one more child. When the kids were 3,5,7 they were removed from the home because both parents were using drugs. They spent a year in foster care, before the courts would give us custody. Eventually the oldest went to his bio dad, and we adopted the two younger ones. Xdil has been diagnosed as bipolar. Xdil's father had "mental issues" And xdil aunt is bipolar. We have no info on our 13yo's bio dad.
OK - our difficult child has steadily had worsening behavior and academic problems at school. The therapist and teachers think she is ADD based on her teachers and us filling out a questionaire. She is now on Stratera 40mg once a day. But there are bigger issues - mainly her anger, rage, and how she reacts to her sister and us. The therapist said their might be indications of borderline personality disorder. I started reading about that - and I read about "histrionic personality disorder" and that describes her and her mom to a T.
Here is one example. Last night, I offered the girls some fruit to hold them over until supper was ready. difficult child gets all irriated and says how she can't stand bananas and apples, as they make her teeth feel disgusting. The tirade continues, and finally she was sent to her room to calm down. Afterwards, I came up to talk to her and she finally admitted that she just didn't want to eat any apple or banana, and they didn't make her teeth feel disgusting, she just didn't want to eat them. I said, why didn't you just say no thank you... and she starts crying and says I don't know why I say all that.
This is just about how every day goes. No matter how simple the things are - she makes a big dramatic production - over her everything! If she doesn't want to wear something - she goes in to a tirade about how things doesn't fit, are too tight, make her look fat. Instead of just picking something else, she rants and raves. Same with meals. Vegetables are disgusting... salad with dark leaves are disgusting... salad with too white a leaf is disgusting... she only wants medium green iceberg lettuce... and drown it with ranch dressing. She will take a fork and dissect every bite. Nothing can touch other items. All she wants is meat and starchy things and sweets.
At school she is tested above average, but does below average work. She doesn't make and keep friends easily. She is very cute, petite and attractive (has been compared to looking like Dakota Fanning at that age) but sees herself as fat and ugly. Even though she is 13 - she can still wear size 10/12 in the young girl department.
Anyway, I realize that she has been thru a lot - and I don't expect perfect behavior from a 13 yo... but I am getting worn down dealing with all of this on a daily basis. I bet there are 2 or 3 meltdowns a day. Unless, her little sister is at camp and 13yo doesn't have to get along with anyone. THis past week was awful - and we had her 15 year old brother here for a visit. I think it was because he is the oldest in his family and she is the oldest one here. She is so used to not having any one challenge her on what shows to watch, what games to play, that she just thought she would have her way all the time.
Well, there are lots more things to add - but I will close for now and see if others are dealing with similar behavior. I have asked our therapist for a consult with a psychologist (no psychiatrist for teens in our area). What ever this is - I want to get on top of it soon. Thanks. KSM
OK - our difficult child has steadily had worsening behavior and academic problems at school. The therapist and teachers think she is ADD based on her teachers and us filling out a questionaire. She is now on Stratera 40mg once a day. But there are bigger issues - mainly her anger, rage, and how she reacts to her sister and us. The therapist said their might be indications of borderline personality disorder. I started reading about that - and I read about "histrionic personality disorder" and that describes her and her mom to a T.
Here is one example. Last night, I offered the girls some fruit to hold them over until supper was ready. difficult child gets all irriated and says how she can't stand bananas and apples, as they make her teeth feel disgusting. The tirade continues, and finally she was sent to her room to calm down. Afterwards, I came up to talk to her and she finally admitted that she just didn't want to eat any apple or banana, and they didn't make her teeth feel disgusting, she just didn't want to eat them. I said, why didn't you just say no thank you... and she starts crying and says I don't know why I say all that.
This is just about how every day goes. No matter how simple the things are - she makes a big dramatic production - over her everything! If she doesn't want to wear something - she goes in to a tirade about how things doesn't fit, are too tight, make her look fat. Instead of just picking something else, she rants and raves. Same with meals. Vegetables are disgusting... salad with dark leaves are disgusting... salad with too white a leaf is disgusting... she only wants medium green iceberg lettuce... and drown it with ranch dressing. She will take a fork and dissect every bite. Nothing can touch other items. All she wants is meat and starchy things and sweets.
At school she is tested above average, but does below average work. She doesn't make and keep friends easily. She is very cute, petite and attractive (has been compared to looking like Dakota Fanning at that age) but sees herself as fat and ugly. Even though she is 13 - she can still wear size 10/12 in the young girl department.
Anyway, I realize that she has been thru a lot - and I don't expect perfect behavior from a 13 yo... but I am getting worn down dealing with all of this on a daily basis. I bet there are 2 or 3 meltdowns a day. Unless, her little sister is at camp and 13yo doesn't have to get along with anyone. THis past week was awful - and we had her 15 year old brother here for a visit. I think it was because he is the oldest in his family and she is the oldest one here. She is so used to not having any one challenge her on what shows to watch, what games to play, that she just thought she would have her way all the time.
Well, there are lots more things to add - but I will close for now and see if others are dealing with similar behavior. I have asked our therapist for a consult with a psychologist (no psychiatrist for teens in our area). What ever this is - I want to get on top of it soon. Thanks. KSM