new here and looking for guidence

I am a 50 year old single mom of one daughter who just turned 17. She has mental conditions and substance abuse issues for about 2 years now. She was in patient hospitalization 3 times within 9 months last year for suicidal idealizations. each stay was at least 8-11 days. that was the first 2 times,, after that she has played on my emotions to get what she wants and the last "trip" I finally was able to have her taken via police/ ambulance. She has turned me inside out. I have a steady good job but my home life does effect my work, as it effects every part of y life and I am looking for ways to help myself. Looking for people that know what I am going through and can give me healthy ways to cope,, not telling me to "kick her as*" or that "its my fault she is like this". Yes, I have had people say this to me.. or better is " if that was my kid I would... " would what? You don't know what you would do as you have never had to deal with this before! My family doesn't help and neither does her father,, This is the beginning of my story. Thank you for listening.!!!!
I'm sorry you have found yourself here but it's good that you found this site. You will find much wisdom and no judgement from those here. I know what you mean about people saying "if it were my kid" or "on her 18th birthday you need to change the locks on your house" (once said to me by someone with "perfect" family). Everyone thinks they have the answer until they find themselves dealing with insanity, drug abuse, being emotionally blackmailed, held hostage, and emotionally abused by their own child. No one knows how difficult it is. How isolating it is. Except those who live with it. It really does a number on our mental health too. :(

Hope you can begin to find some help here.