Hi everyone,
I just happened to stumble upon this forum after doing various searches regarding my 6.5 year old step son. Reading some of the stories has brought me to tears thinking "someone else gets it!"
My step son is a sweet kid. He has a good heart and I love him so much. My husband and I have him about 50% of the time and generally get along well with his mother. It's as good a situation as it could be; my husband and SS's mother were never really a couple so thankfully there isn't the "love lost" issue at play. SS's mother had SS diagnosed with ADHD at an early age- I think 2. He's been medicated since I don't know when (I think 3 or 3.5). The medications don't seem to do much. He is a challenge at school and nearly got expelled from his kindergarten for a sexual encounter he tried to force upon another student (we were all horrified & mystified, CPS was called, it was an overall humiliating experience but nothing was found to be amiss at either home).
He's at a new school now and has a lot more hands-on help to keep him focused. He's highly distracted and will stop doing his tasks the second someone stops hovering over him. When you ask him to do anything, half the time it's like he doesn't even hear you (his hearing has been checked and is fine). He can't complete simple tasks. It took him over 45 minutes to do one page of homework the other day (writing each day of the week one time each). He flails about constantly, often hitting my 2 year old son to the ground and doesn't even notice he's hurt him. He's just very unaware of his actions and most of the time doesn't seem to care unless it affects him (losing a privilege or treat). If he isn't the center of attention doing whatever he wants, making the MOST NOISE POSSIBLE, he's sulking in the corner or wailing & throwing a tantrum on the floor. My husband and I are much more strict at our house and we don't put up with that ****, so he limits his tantrums with us. We hear the "meltdowns" (as his teacher calls it) happen frequently at school. His modified work plan is 6 tasks a day while the other children have 9 or more. On a good day, he will complete just TWO.
He sees a psychologist who does "play therapy" which really means us parents all sit in the same room with him and talk to the doctor. while SS plays on the floor in earshot. It bothers me. I have asked about solo therapy with him and the doctor made it seem like that wouldn't be effective for his age. It just seems weird that he wouldn't want to talk to him one on one... I don't know, maybe slowly earn the trust and get to the root of some of the acting out? His mother's mother is diagnosed Bi-polar and a few other disorders so that's always lingered in the back of our minds but the doctor has dismissed us saying he's just an active little boy.
I feel like he is misdiagnosed, like the medications aren't working... I constantly wonder if he should be on medications but everyone -everyone- including the CPS lady that came and interviewed him said he definitely needs to be on something.
It just breaks my heart. He's a sweet kid but it's like he can't help but be bad. Misbehave. Hurt people physically. We've had three separate "inappropriate touching" incidences which scares the living hell out of me. We've talked about bodies, private areas, keeping hands to ourselves, it's ok to tell us if someone touches you, etc. I don't know if that's a normal kid thing or not- it wasn't a part of my childhood so it's hard to gauge.
My husband is so fed up with him and has a hard time not resorting to yelling. He is so **** frustrating sometimes. My husband tries really hard and is doing his best. I do what I can to buffer situations but I don't always have the strongest sense of patience with him myself, either.
I don't know what I'm here for- advice, or someone to understand & hear me... I just feel so lost sometimes. I just want to cry a lot! Being a step mother is so hard already- but add these personality/behavioral issues to the mix and it's **** near impossible sometimes. Thanks for listening
I just happened to stumble upon this forum after doing various searches regarding my 6.5 year old step son. Reading some of the stories has brought me to tears thinking "someone else gets it!"
My step son is a sweet kid. He has a good heart and I love him so much. My husband and I have him about 50% of the time and generally get along well with his mother. It's as good a situation as it could be; my husband and SS's mother were never really a couple so thankfully there isn't the "love lost" issue at play. SS's mother had SS diagnosed with ADHD at an early age- I think 2. He's been medicated since I don't know when (I think 3 or 3.5). The medications don't seem to do much. He is a challenge at school and nearly got expelled from his kindergarten for a sexual encounter he tried to force upon another student (we were all horrified & mystified, CPS was called, it was an overall humiliating experience but nothing was found to be amiss at either home).
He's at a new school now and has a lot more hands-on help to keep him focused. He's highly distracted and will stop doing his tasks the second someone stops hovering over him. When you ask him to do anything, half the time it's like he doesn't even hear you (his hearing has been checked and is fine). He can't complete simple tasks. It took him over 45 minutes to do one page of homework the other day (writing each day of the week one time each). He flails about constantly, often hitting my 2 year old son to the ground and doesn't even notice he's hurt him. He's just very unaware of his actions and most of the time doesn't seem to care unless it affects him (losing a privilege or treat). If he isn't the center of attention doing whatever he wants, making the MOST NOISE POSSIBLE, he's sulking in the corner or wailing & throwing a tantrum on the floor. My husband and I are much more strict at our house and we don't put up with that ****, so he limits his tantrums with us. We hear the "meltdowns" (as his teacher calls it) happen frequently at school. His modified work plan is 6 tasks a day while the other children have 9 or more. On a good day, he will complete just TWO.
He sees a psychologist who does "play therapy" which really means us parents all sit in the same room with him and talk to the doctor. while SS plays on the floor in earshot. It bothers me. I have asked about solo therapy with him and the doctor made it seem like that wouldn't be effective for his age. It just seems weird that he wouldn't want to talk to him one on one... I don't know, maybe slowly earn the trust and get to the root of some of the acting out? His mother's mother is diagnosed Bi-polar and a few other disorders so that's always lingered in the back of our minds but the doctor has dismissed us saying he's just an active little boy.
I feel like he is misdiagnosed, like the medications aren't working... I constantly wonder if he should be on medications but everyone -everyone- including the CPS lady that came and interviewed him said he definitely needs to be on something.
It just breaks my heart. He's a sweet kid but it's like he can't help but be bad. Misbehave. Hurt people physically. We've had three separate "inappropriate touching" incidences which scares the living hell out of me. We've talked about bodies, private areas, keeping hands to ourselves, it's ok to tell us if someone touches you, etc. I don't know if that's a normal kid thing or not- it wasn't a part of my childhood so it's hard to gauge.
My husband is so fed up with him and has a hard time not resorting to yelling. He is so **** frustrating sometimes. My husband tries really hard and is doing his best. I do what I can to buffer situations but I don't always have the strongest sense of patience with him myself, either.
I don't know what I'm here for- advice, or someone to understand & hear me... I just feel so lost sometimes. I just want to cry a lot! Being a step mother is so hard already- but add these personality/behavioral issues to the mix and it's **** near impossible sometimes. Thanks for listening