New Here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KandiSue, Aug 31, 2008.

  1. KandiSue

    KandiSue New Member


    I am so excited to find this message board. :bravo:

    My name is Kandi. I am a mother to 3 amazing children. My oldest is 11 and he has a diagnosis of BiPolar (BP) and they are now looking into Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or AS. My middle child is 10, he is typical. My baby is 8 and she is typical as well and my heart. I am married to my best friend and my rock.

    My son is currently in the Phospital. He was admitted Thursday and we are unsure of the length of the stay.

    I am so excited to find a group of parents that 'Get It' !!

  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome KandiSue!

    Is this your difficult child's first psychiatric hospital visit? If you have read some posts, you will see that another person here has an 11 year old who was just admitted for the 1st time.

    My 11 yr old was admitted for the 1st time last October. He is doing so well now. A classmate stated that he is back to normal and they are now friends again. So, there are success stories out here as long with the heartbreak that we go through to reach the end result, success or not.

    How are you doing? It is so emotional to reach the point of admission to a psychiatric hospital. I hope you are doing well. Ask us questions and vent and share insights whenever you want or need to.
  3. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    warm welcome hugs, this is the greatest place ever, of course it's midnight and if I do not get off this computer, I am never going Occupational Therapist (OT) get up 2morrow, I am here a bit too often I think!

  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Kandi,
    My 11-yr-old son is in the psychiatric hospital this wk, too, for the first time. They've said he's a "little bit of this and a little bit of that." Sooooo scientific! But we don't have the final report yet.
    I'm glad you found us.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Welcome! I have a son on the spectrum. He was first dxd. with bipolar. I'm glad we had a NeuroPsyh evaluation. He isn't bipolar--he is on the autism spectrum and is doing really well now. Off the strong medications too.
    Be careful. Often psychiatrists and psychiatric hospitals miss Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and label the kids bipolar or ADHD and give medications rather than suggesting Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) interventions as the first line of treatment. Why? Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is a neurological NOT a psychiatric problems and many psychiatrists don't know much about how to spot it.
    I hope you get a great evaluation. Please do a signature like I did below. I have a few questions that would also help us:
    1/How was your child's early development? Speech, eye contact with strangers, imaginative play, interaction with peers, motor skills, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) tendencies, sensory issues?

    2/ Any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on EITHER side of the bio. family tree?

    Welcome to our family!
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    It is a great feeling when we stumble into this site. I remember well. lol

    Sorry to hear you have one in the hospital. Fingers crossed stability is achieved soonest.

    Welcome aboard!:redface:
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome-so glad you found us but sorry you needed to. I too have an 11 year old with bipolar that has been in the psychiatric hospital this year (before he turned 11, it was his third stay). As you can see you are not alone. You will find so much support here, it's a really wonderful group. I too remember feeling so relieved when I found this place and realized I was not alone.

    Be sure while your son is in the hospital. that you find time to take care of you, use this time to do some recharging.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome!! I remember the feelings when I stumbled on to this site. Everyone here is so supportive - and will also give a loving kick to the hiney when I am totally off course, LOL!!

    My oldest (Wiz - now age 16) was in the psychiatric hospital for 4 months at age 12. Few stays are of this length. It was a rough time, esp as things he had done came out, but it was also a time of great healing. It can be tough but also a relief to have your child where he will be safe and cared for. You can spend some time with the other kids just focusing on them.

    It would be great if you could do a signature like I have at the bottom of this message. You go to the User CP and navigate through it to make your sig. We encourage you to use initials or nicknames for your kids. We also don't want pics of the kids on the site. NOT because we don't want to see your kids but because this site is open to anyone on the internet.

    You can read more about sigs here:

    We also have a way of organizing info about your child, several parents here helped give us an outline so that we had the info we needed at our fingertips. I have found it to be VERY helpful, though of course it is your choice to do it or not. I do recommend being very careful with the info you share with teh school - there are a number of people here who have shared info and then had really bad problems with the way their child was then treated. I also encourage you to put pics of your child at the beginning of each section of the Parent Report. it helps the docs/therapists/others remember which child it is about AND that it is about a PERSON. Several of my child's docs have said this is very helpful

    Here is the link to the Parent Report:

    We have a number of abbreviations and acronyms we use. difficult child stands for "Gift from God" and is what we use for the child who brought us here. I find that this reminds me that Wiz truly IS a gift - and not just a trial.

    Here is a link to the acronyms we use:

    You can also find many other helpful topics in the Board Help section. It is the first choice when you are in the Main index.

    Welcome again, and I hope this wasn't too long and was helpful.


  9. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Welcome KandiSue,

    I too have a difficult child who is bipolar and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), and another who seems to be an Aspie, so yes, we definitely "get it".

    So glad that you found us. It's a great, supportive and caring group.

  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi, Kandi! I just wanted to add another welcome! This site has been a godsend to me and my son. He complains that I'm on here so much but I don't think he realizes where he would be or what his life would be like if I'd never found it. Look around at other sections- they are pretty helpful and the watercooler is a great place to find a laugh or just get a break from thinking too much!!
  11. WSM

    WSM New Member

    I have an 11 year old boy who's been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder, thinking disorder, attachment disorder, mild obsessive compulsive disorder, and schizoid personality disorder. My story is elsewhere. He's a very polite, passive, seemingly helpful bright boy, who takes weapons to school (4 times, arrested for felony 3 times), throws away his shoes and uniforms, lies, lies, lies, won't do home, 'disappears' things (bikes, clothes, books, electronics), stands all night in the dark staring at a wall (has stopped doing this because we went to bed and let him, but he did it for about a year), refuses to participate with the family, but does participate with outsiders, occasionally self harms, on at least one occasion drew a scary picture murdering his family with bloody jagged knives, etc...

    But he's very polite and helpful. No OPEN defiance, no temper tantrums.

    His probation office has started talking about residential treatment for 4-5 months. The last therapist he saw saw him a couple times and also recommended residential, but the one she recommended said they couldn't help him (he was worse off that they usually take). The CPS officer (he also likes to accuse of us child abuse hoping to make us go to jail) after giving us hell (the forensic abuse doctor said no abuse had occurred so she didn't have a case, but gave us hell anyway) ended up reminding my husband he has a right to spank. The cops have recommended spanking.

    His biological mother is psychotic bipolar and spends about 10 months a year in psychosis and gets Baker Acted about 3 times a year. Right now she's walking the streets of West Palm Beach homeless and shouting racial slurs. Her two brothers are both schizophrenic. Before my husband got custody at age 3 and a half, our 11 year old had been in three foster homes and taken into protective custody six times in three states.

    Because he's so nice, everyone excuses him and is easily fooled. He counts on this. He devised his own kidnapping and has run away, not to escape, but to get people stirred up on two or three occasions (he always goes where he knows he'll be found).

    He's been in therapy since about age 4, had psychiatrists, counselors, university programs, social workers, probation officers, family therapy, individual therapy, etc... Nobody can help us. They shake their heads regretfully and say good luck with him, he's sure a bright boy.

    This year my husband put him into a military school where he comes home every night, not a sleep away school. It started with a relatively mild scared straight summer camp, then a horrendous wilderness weekend (heads shaven, non stop exercise, only about 6 hours of sleep all weekend, and two baloney sandwiches all weekend).

    He's his second week into the school year which begins with a 15 week boot camp. And already he's gotten himself into big trouble by not turning in homework and throwing away the uniform they gave him. He's know in 'Exclusion' which means separation from the group (altho a lot of kids are in Exclusion right now) and carrying rocks in a milk crate back and forth all day long. It makes him cry when he gets home and he hates it, but HE STILL WON'T FOLLOW SIMPLE RULES.

    It's a battle of wills, this 11 year old against society (represented by the school), and he's determined to win. He doesn't care how much pain or misery he has to endure, he's not going to let them be his boss.

    I am dumbstruck by how stubborn he is. We NEVER could have had this level of follow through and consistency. And even though it seems to us borderline abusive to us, he's still hanging tough and still won't give in. I guess it's worth it to him. It's just shocking that he's so determined.

    The program is funded by the State for ESE students with conduct disorders, and it's our boy's last stop before he's put into the juvenile justice system (altho FL doesn't keep kids in, it's a revolving door, unless they rape or kill, one to six months in, house arrest thereafter). His probation officer told him straight out: You will not last a night in there.

    I don't understand what's wrong with him. But a part of me is a bit relieved. He's so consumed with his battle of wills at school he's not messing much with us at home. For the first time we have found experienced people willing to tackle him, and are shocked by how hardened he is to outside influence; we didn't know it was this bad.

    I know a psychiatric hospital is a totally different experience, but I told my story because I understand how hard it is to deal with a boy so young. No one believes the problem is HIM, they think it's your parenting. No one thinks a CHILD, and 11 year old can be so disturbed, especially if he's charming and polite most of the time.

    Also there are so few resources, so few people who can help. Unless medications help, or simple behavior modification, NOBODY seems to know what to do.

    Good luck to you and your son, let us know what happens.

    signed, the Wicked Stepmother
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2008
  12. KandiSue

    KandiSue New Member

    Thank you all for the warm welcome. Lets see if I can answer all your questions.

    This is my difficult child's second visit to the psychiatric hospital. The first one was almost two years ago. We went in for a medication wash and a breather, but it was a useless visit. The nurses kept giving him medications...sigh. So we pulled him out after 4 days.

    This visit is going MUCH better...we are on day 5 today. He is doing well, quite content and only slightly annoyed at the system and other kids. He tends to do very well in school and out in the public and saves his aggression and abusive behaviors for home. So they really aren't seeing a true pictue of who he is. But they understand that and are doing what they can for him.

    My difficult child was verbally abusive to our family and physically abusive to myself and my other two children especially my other son. He had been 'threatening' to kill a couple of kids at school....but he is very passive aggressive so we weren't too worried about those threats. We were more worried about us at home. The turning point in admitting him was a 3 hour rage, attack, destroying his room, tantrum that decided that he would be admitted. Basically we were tired and needed to focus on the other two kids and heal some.

    1/How was your child's early development? Speech, eye contact with strangers, imaginative play, interaction with peers, motor skills, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) tendencies, sensory issues?

    difficult child walked early and talked early and tantrumed early lol. He did have difficulty with strangers and interacting with peers. But we honestly did not go out much. He was my oldest and I had 3 in 3 years. I was tired and suffering PPD after my third.

    We joked that the 2nd born could live through anything if he survived his first 6 months of life with his older brother. Yep, he was abusive at the age of 1.

    Other than not sleeping well he really had no other issues. He did have a mild speech delay, but nothing major.

    We went to a therapist regarding him when he was 2 years of age. She said he was manic depressive....we walked out. How dare she lol... We admitted we need medicine/psyciatric help when he was 6 years old and had a 'fit' and threw metal lawn furnature all over my in laws yard and choked his baby sister.

    He has seen a psychiatrist since and was 'officially' diagnosis BiPolar (BP) soon after. We are looking at an added diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or AS.

    2/ Any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on EITHER side of the bio. family tree?

    Mothers side....depression but not too severe....myself, difficult child grandmother and his aunt.

    Fathers side....great uncle possible diagnosis of BiPolar (BP), he is deceased....Uncle self medicates with illegal drugs....difficult child grandmother is really!! she just won't admit it.

    My husband and I are tired...but doing well. There just aren't enough hours in the day and the other two kiddos are just not getting the attention they really need....sigh. Not sure how to do it all.


    Kandi-35 Depression ~ Cymbalta 60 mg
    Mom To:

    difficult child 11 ~ BiPolar (BP); Melatonin, recently taken off zyprexa, lithium; 6th grader in Public School with- IEP, in patient…starting Tenex .5 mg, possible added diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or AS
    son 10 ~ Extremely angry little boy; 5th grader
    daughter 8 ~ 3rd grader
    husband- James 36 – My rock